Lois Lane quotes from Smallville

Lois

What are we doing, Lex?

Lex

No one asked you to be here, Lois.

Lois

Trust me, I never planned on being your Sundance Kid, especially in the armpit of Motor City.

Hey, bald man, look, is it really worth killing her to get to me?

Lois

Rhetorical question, Lex!

Jimmy

That Swann woman they fished out of the lake last night?

Lois

Yeah.

Jimmy

I thought that she drowned.

Lois

More like sank. Kind of hard to swim after you've been shot.

Lois

(rummaging through a closet) Olsen's roommate's about the right size —

Clark

Lois, we don't have time for this.

Lois

Then stop standing around. Strip!

Lois

Kent, this is no time to be modest. Armageddon's minutes away.

Jimmy

I found out something about those mystery expeditions he's been sending to the North Pole.

Lois

Either he's planning a hostile takeover of Santa's workshop, or he's doing something illegal. And since I'm sure Lex isn't into the Christmas spirit, what's the scoop.

Lois

I can't believe it, one alarm clock malfunction and suddenly you're demoted and sent to deliverance territory. What the hell are you doing here?

Clark

I'm…

You know him?

Lois

Yes.

Clark

No.

Lois

He wishes he didn't know me. I thought I dropped you at your cell.

We'll take him back.

Lois

And send me to the Sahara? One demotion this week is enough.

I'll handle him.

Lois

What are you doing here?

Clark

I heard they have good espresso.

Lois

You disappear for a month and come back with a sense of humor?

Clark

I've been tracking Chloe down, the question is how did you get here?

Lois

Feminine charm.

Clark

(scoffs)

Lois

Yes I do have some.

Clark

Great job protecting your short supply of it.

Lois

Why don't you give your stand up a rest and do exactly as I tell you, that way we can find Chloe and stay alive at the same time.

Clark

You mind not pointing that thing at me?

Lois

God Clark, I'm not aiming at you. What?! I'm not! Besides it's only your kneecap.

Clark

Well that makes me feel a lot better.

Lois

Look I know that you're nervous Smallville but you gotta remember I grew up around green berets and navy seals not cornstalks and jersey cows. So stick with me, I'll protect you, you'll be fine.

Clark

Chloe.

Lois

Out of the way Smallville. Chloe!

Chloe

Lois look behind you, watch out!

Clark

Oh, I'm sorry is this bothering you?

Lois

The chair or you in it?

Clark

Lois, I um… I wanted to say, I thought you did well out there. You really earned your stripes at your dad's boot camp.

Lois

Thanks. And as for you, you actually surprised me. I mean for your first attempt at heroism.

Clark

Well I better get going. I'll see you bright and early Monday morning.

Lois

Woah, woah, why Monday? What do you mean bright and early?

Clark

Lois. You're the one that gave me the application. You're looking at the newest recruit for the Daily Planet.

Lois

That's great. What made you change your mind?

Clark

I guess I wanted to be in the middle of the action.

Lois

Good for you. So, are you going to be starting down in the mailroom?

Clark

I'm going to be a little closer to home. Looks like we're going to be neighbors Lane.

Lois

You gotta be kidding me.

Lois

But what's with the wardrobe malfunction?

Clark

What? This is a nice shirt.

Lois

Human Resources is going to be down here any minute, and you do not want to meet them looking like... the brawny lumberjack.

Lois

You know endorphins? They're hormones that are released when the body performs a certain activity.

Clark

Like when you play a sport.

Lois

Or there's another kind of activity two people share, repetitive motion, builds to a climax.

Clark

Thank you.

Lois

Chloe?

Clark

Jimmy?

Lois

You know what Lois likes to see when she comes home? Pants. Pants on everyone.

Oliver

(walking in on Lois and Clark at the jewelry store) What are you two doing here?

Lois

Oliver! Uh, didn't get the invitation yet?

Oliver

Invitation to what?

Lois

Uh, tell him, cupcake.

Clark

(shooting Lois a look) Wh... Lois and I are... we're getting married.

Lois

Oh my God, Chloe, I am so sorry. I mean, I know my face is under "faux pas" in the dictionary, but this is a whole new low.

Chloe

I would say that this is a close second behind the time you crashed Lana's engagement party. In fact, you may want to start avoiding engagement parties altogether.

Lois

Well, if you like covering robbery and homicide, you've come to the right place. The crime rate's so high there's actually a "no vacancy sign" in front of county jail.

Really? Metropolis seems like a safe haven compared to some of the places I've covered.

Lois

Really? Like where, the gates of Hell?