Lois Lane quotes from Smallville

Clark

We found this dog.

Lois

Actually, I found him. Well, hit him actually. Not hard. We call him Clarkie.

Clark

We don't call him Clarkie.

Lois

Is it the "ie" part you don't like? Because we could always just make it Clark. But then that would get really confusing, and hey, maybe you should consider changing your name. You could be Skipper.

Clark

Lois, call the police. I'm gonna see if I can catch up with these guys.

Lois

Hold on there, Forrest Gump. What are you gonna do, run? We brought my car, remember?

Clark

Lois, look--

Lois

Unh-unh. We can call the cops on the way. You are so weird sometimes.

Clark

[later, in the car] You know, can you go a little bit faster?

Lois

Hey, you were gonna be hoofing it about ten minutes ago. Besides, I don't want to hit anything.

Clark

Stop here.

Lois

Where?

Clark

Here! Stop here!

Lois

Okay!

Lois

I thought bathing him was supposed to help with my allergies.

Clark

Well, maybe you're allergic to the soap too.

Lois

Maybe I'm allergic to you.

Clark

So, Lucy, Lois has told us absolutely nothing about you.

Well there's not much to tell.

Lois

Oh, please. Let me gloat. She is getting straight A's at one of the most prestigious prep schools in Europe, she is fluent in three languages, and she is fending off Ivy League colleges with a stick.

Clark

Wow, that's impressive. What happened to Lois?

Lois

You're gonna find that Clark's charm is an acquired taste, much like his sense of fashion.

Lois

You're amazing, Smallville. You always look for the best in people even when they walk all over you.

Clark

I guess that explains why we're friends.

Lois

Oh, we're friends now?

Clark

Well, I won't tell anyone if you don't.

Lois

Mrs. Kent, a lot of things are possible in this world, but there will be a man on Mars before Clark and I go to Prom together.

So what, you two just get together and mack, but keep it on the down-low in public?

Clark

Mom!

Lois

I don't mean to be rude, Mrs. Kent, but did you crack open the cooking sherry?

Lois

What the hell am I doing in a dress, and what the hell am I doing at your Prom?

Clark

Oh, no...

Lois

Did you pin that on me?

Clark

I'll explain later, Lois.

Lois

A little close to the boob, don't you think?

Lois

Hey. You know, a year from now, this is all gonna seem like a lifetime ago.

Chloe

That's funny because it feels like just yesterday when he deserted that nervous freshman on the dance floor.

Lois

You're headed for Metropolis. You are destined to be a big shot reporter at the Daily Planet. Do you really picture Clark Kent being able to keep up with you?

Chloe

You know, Lois, I think Clark might have a lot more to offer than you realize.

Lois

I wouldn't bet on it.

Lois

Clark, you know that.

Chloe

Well, not so much. He has amnesia, and he's having a hard time—

Lois

Again?

Clark

What do you mean again?

Lois

Well, at least this time you got clothes on.

Chloe

I'm gonna go to the Torch and see what I can find out about amnesia.

Lois

Yeah, just leave Mr. Memory Reboot to me. I'm getting to be a pro at this. [to Clark] But you know what? You're gonna have to put up with PB and J because that's the extent of my culinary skills.

Chloe

[to Clark] Okay?

Clark

Please tell me I'm not related to her.

Chloe

No, I am. You live with her.

Lois

How did he [Clark] get here?.

Chloe

[Looking at Clark talking to Lana] Looks like the heart remembers more than the brain.

Lois

I took this career test in some magazine - it said that my perfect job would be a radio disc jockey.

Clark

That makes sense. You talk enough. There won't be any dead air.

Lois

You mock me now Smallville, but you just wait and see.

Clark

Journalism. You ever thought about that? You wrote some half decent articles in your short lived career at the Torch.

Lois

Nah, kill me first. Even if I could spell, the last thing I'd wanna do is spend my time in a newsroom. With my luck I'd probably end up across the desk from the most bumbling reporter on the masthead.

Lois

I realize hand-eye coordination isn't one of your strong suits. Here, let me help you with that.

Clark

[annoyed] Lois, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do without you.

Lois

Oh, come on, Clark, your future is laid out right in front of you. You're going to go to community college, major in agriculture, probably minor in law enforcement. And then you and Lana are going to have a nice little church wedding.

Clark

Excuse me?

Lois

It's written in the stars and you know it. It's only a matter of time before you join the bowling league, take over the family farm, and then, well, you and Lana can bring little Clark Jr. into the world.

Clark

I think you're hallucinating.

Lois

No. Hallucinating would be imagining Clark Kent going off to the big city to make his mark in the world. I'm just being realistic.

Lois

Look, I know we've had our disagreements in the past. And I will be the first to admit that I've made it my own little hobby to bust your chops.

Clark

I'm used to it. Besides, I know I haven't been the most gracious host.

Lois

Look, I just want you to know, Clark, that when I'm sitting in the audience today at your graduation and you stand up on that stage in front of all those people, I'm gonna be looking up at you and thinking one thing.

Clark

What's that?

Lois

Please, God, don't let him trip.

Clark

How'd you get that frog in your throat?

Lois

That's what happens when you get a neck massage from Barbie the Barbarian. Doctor says I shouldn't talk too much.

Clark

Oh, gee. That's too bad.

Lois

Don't get your hopes up, Smallville. It's not permanent.