Lois Lane quotes from Smallville

Lois

Look, I didn't come here fishing for thanks. I think Clark might know something about my cousin Chloe's death.

Martha

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Lois

Yeah. Were she and Clark ever an item?

Martha

Oh, I think for a minute...

Lois

It's funny, I never thought she'd fall for the farm boy type.

Martha

Trust me, that can happen to the best of us.

Lois

Not me. Give me a nerd with glasses any day of the week.

Martha

Clark has many sides.

Lois

Yeah, I've seen several of them already.

Clark

None of this would've happened if I had been there.

Lois

Okay, Commando, I don't get you. Half the time, you're all meek "Yes, Ma" and "Yes, Pa", and the other half, you are the most overconfident guy I've ever met.

Clark

It doesn't happen to you much, does it? Not being able to peg someone right away?

Lois

Oh, get over yourself. You are not that complicated.

Clark

Um... we usually take turns in the bathroom.

Lois

Oh, don't start with me, Smallville. You're the one taking the marathon shower. Besides, my delicate feminine sensibilities weren't offended the first time I got a glimpse of, uh, Clark Junior.

Clark

My parents kind of missed the whole Woodstock phase. Besides, they freaked out the last time they caught me in a co-ed situation.

Lois

Last time? So the eagle scout does have a few secrets in the closet.

Lois

Wow, she didn't take any prisoners, did she? Lana? Cute, smart, gutsy... and way too much for you to handle. I can see why you're in love with her.

Clark

Look, you're really not the person I want to talk to about this.

Lois

Suit yourself.

Clark

It's just... I knew she'd be dating other people.

Lois

But?

Clark

I just don't understand how you could feel like you know someone so completely, like you know everything about them, and then just all of a sudden...

Lois

You don't even know what continent they're on.

Clark

[frustrated] Do you always have to finish people's thoughts?

Lois

[equally frustrated] Well, am I right?

Lois

Nice arm, farm boy. When's the first game?

Clark

I'm not on the team.

Lois

Why not? An arm like that is a "Get out of geek free" pass.

Clark

Well, even if I wanted to play--

Lois

Which obviously you do.

Clark

That wouldn't be the reason. Thanks, I don't really consider myself a geek.

Lois

So, what do you see yourself as?

Clark

I don't know. An outsider, I guess.

Lois

That's a recipe for wedgies if I've ever heard one.

Clark

[sarcastic] Have I told you how much I'm gonna miss you?

Chloe

Five credits in one semester? Lois, the only way you're gonna do that is if you add an extracurricular to your class list. Like, say, maybe... writing for the Torch.

Lois

Uh, no hard feelings here, cuz, but unlike you, the last thing I want to be is a reporter.

Chloe

Yeah, God. What could be worse than, you know, uncovering the truth and protecting the public?

Lois

And sticking your nose in other people's business.

Chloe

Like I said. You'd be perfect.

Clark

Hey, hey! The last time I checked, you were missing a few prerequisites for being in here.

Lois

So you have been checking me out.

Lois

I'm glad you made the team, Clark, but why be a conformist? At least with the whole farm boy plaid thing, as lame as it is, it completely belongs to you.

Clark

In the future, let's restrict our conversations to "hello" and "goodbye".

Lois

You know, if I could describe my time here in one word, it would be "weird". I look forward to the relative normalcy of the big city. But don't worry. I'll visit.

Clark

Is that a promise or a threat?

Chloe

Lois, if you found out something, something someone didn't want you to know about them, would you tell them?

Lois

That depends. Is that person someone you care about?

Chloe

Yeah.

Lois

And does keeping the secret hurt anyone?

Chloe

No.

Lois

Then my answer is no. If I really cared about that person, I wouldn't tell them that I knew. But I would go out of my way to be supportive of them so that hopefully, one day, they would be comfortable enough to tell me themselves.

Clark

Alicia didn't do this. Ever since she was released from Belle Reve, she's been wearing her lead bracelet. It prevents her from using her abilities.

Lois

And did she also happen to be wearing anything low-cut when she spun you that tale, 'cause I'm not sure you're thinking with your big brain here.

Chloe

Clark, just because Alicia says that the bracelet keeps her from teleporting doesn't mean that it's the truth.

Clark

She was with me when Lana got attacked. I was saying good night in Grandville.

Chloe

Yeah, but every second? You have to admit that she can transport easier than Captain Kirk.

Lois

And she did try to carve herself a Jack-O-Lana before, cut and dry. Emphasis on the "cut".

Chloe

How did you post bail?

Lois

Four very good friends of mine. Visa, Mastercard, American Express, and Discover.

Clark

Lois, I don't think this is the best time.

Lois

And when would be the best time, Clark, when I'm on the chain gang?

Clark

[to Geoff] I'm sorry. She's under a lot of stress lately.

Lois

No. Stress is when you're stuck in traffic or you have a midterm for a class you've never been to. I'm out on bail and looking to be locked up for manslaughter.

Clark

So what're you gonna do? Are you gonna go stay with Chloe?

Lois

They've got a tiny one-bedroom apartment. I can't do that to them. It's fine, really, I'm just gonna check into a motel and when the money runs out, I can always sleep in my car. The backseat's not too bad if you bend your knees and avoid the drive train and then, you know, if I have to sell my car for food, that's okay too. I've always dreamed of being a hobo, riding the rails, cooking beans over roadside fires...

Clark

If you want, I guess you can stay with us.

Lois

You're a lifesaver! God, am I in need of a hot shower! Don't worry, Smallville. I'll try to keep it under a half hour.

Clark

What just happened?

Clark

Just playing with Skippy here.

Lois

We're not gonna call him Skippy.

Clark

Okay, Lois, what would you like to call him?

Lois

Let's see. He's annoying, and I can't seem to get within ten feet of him without getting sick... I think we should call him Clarkie.