Sherlock Season 1 quotes

Jim Moriarty

You think you can make me stop the order? You think you can make me do that?

Sherlock Holmes

Yes. So do you.

Jim Moriarty

Sherlock, your big brother and all the King's horses couldn't make me do a thing I didn't want to.

Sherlock Holmes

Yes, but I'm not my brother, remember? I am you. Prepared to do anything. Prepared to burn. Prepared to do what ordinary people won't do. You want me to shake hands with you in hell? I shall not disappoint you.

Jim Moriarty

Nah — you talk big. Nah... you're ordinary. You're ordinary — you're on the side of the angels.

Sherlock Holmes

Oh, I may be on the side of the angels... but don't think for one second that I am one of them.

Sherlock Holmes

[talking to John on the phone while on the roof of St. Barts] I'm a fake.

John Watson

Sherlock...

Sherlock Holmes

The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade, I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson and Molly; in fact, tell anyone who will listen to you... that I invented Moriarty for my own purposes.

John Watson

Okay, shut up, Sherlock. Shut up. The first time we met - the first time we met, you knew all about my sister, right?

Sherlock Holmes

Nobody could be that clever.

John Watson

You could.

Sherlock Holmes

Please, will you do this for me?

John Watson

Do what?

Sherlock Holmes

This phone call it's, um.... It's my note. It's what people do, don't they? Leave a note?

John Watson

[as the realization dawns on him] Leave a note when!?

Sherlock Holmes

Goodbye John.

John Watson

[voice cracking] No...don't.

John Watson

You... you told me once... that you weren't a hero. Umm... There were times I didn't even think you were human, but let me tell you this. You were the best man, the most human... human being that I've ever known and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie, so... there. I was so alone... and I owe you so much. But please, there's just one more thing, one more miracle, Sherlock, for me, don't be...dead. Would you do that just for me? Just stop it. Stop this... [He walks away. Sherlock watches him go, then leaves.]

Bollocks!

Anderson

No, no, no, no! It’s obvious! That’s how he did it! It’s obvious!

Derren Brown?! Let it go, Sherlock’s dead.

Anderson

Ah, is he?

There was a body. It was him, it was definitely him. Molly Hooper laid him out.

Anderson

No, she’s lying. It was Jim Moriarty’s body – with a mask on!

A mask? A bungee rope, a mask, Derren Brown. Two years and the theories keep getting more stupid. How many more have you got for me today?

Anderson

[Beat] Well, you know the paving slabs in that whole area, even the exact ones that he landed on, you know they were all...

[Interrupting] Guilt. That’s all this is. You pushed us all into thinking that Sherlock was a fraud, you and Donovan, you did this, and it killed him, and he’s staying dead. Do you honestly believe if you have enough stupid theories it’s going to change what really happened?

Anderson

I believe in Sherlock Holmes.

Yeah, but that won’t bring him back.

Sherlock Holmes

I think I’ll surprise John. He’ll be delighted!

Mycroft Holmes

You think so? Hm.

Sherlock Holmes

Pop round to Baker Street. Who knows, jump out of a cake?

Mycroft Holmes

Baker Street? He isn’t there anymore. Why would he be? It’s been two years. He’s got on with his life.

Sherlock Holmes

What life? I’ve been away.

Welcome back, Mr Holmes

Sherlock Holmes

Thank you... (to Mycroft) Blud.

Sherlock Holmes

Interesting thing a tuxedo. Lends distinction to friends and anonymity to waiters.

Mary Morstan

John... John, what is it?

Sherlock Holmes

Well, short version... Not. Dead.

Sherlock Holmes

Bit mean to spring it on you like that, I know... could have given you a heart attack... probably still will... in my defense it was very funny... ok it's not a great defense.

Mary Morstan

Oh no, you’re...

Sherlock Holmes

Oh yes.

Mary Morstan

Oh my god.

Sherlock Holmes

Not quite.

Mary Morstan

You died. You jumped off a roof.

Sherlock Holmes

No.

Mary Morstan

You’re dead.

Sherlock Holmes

No. I’m quite sure I checked. Excuse me. [Dips a napkin into some water and wipes off his fake moustache. Looks at John’s moustache] Does yours rub off, too?

Mary Morstan

Oh my god. Oh my god, do you have any idea what you've done...

Sherlock Holmes

Ok, John, I'm suddenly realizing I probably owe you some sort of an apology.

John Watson

[Breathing deeply to calm himself; struggling to find the words] Two years. I thought...I thought you were dead. Hm? Now you let me grieve. Hm? How could you do that? How?

Sherlock Holmes

Wait. Before you do anything you might later regret, one question, let me ask one question. [Beat. He indicates John’s moustache] Are you really going to keep that?

John Watson

[on Sherlock returning from the dead] Can you believe his nerve?

Mary Morstan

I like him.

Sherlock Holmes

Those things will kill you.

Ooh, you bastard.

Sherlock Holmes

[Stepping out from the shadows] It’s time to come back. You’ve been letting things slide, Graham.

Greg.

Sherlock Holmes

Greg.

Mary Morstan

What are you doing?

John Watson

Having a wash.

Mary Morstan

You’re shaving it off.

John Watson

Well, you hate it.

Mary Morstan

Sherlock hates it.

John Watson

Apparently everyone hates it.

Mary Morstan

Ooh. Are you going to see him again?

John Watson

No, I’m going to work.

Mary Morstan

Oh, and after work are you going to see him again?

John Watson

No.

Mary Morstan

God, I had six months of bristly kisses for me and his nibs turns up...

John Watson

I don’t shave for Sherlock Holmes.

Mary Morstan

You should put that on a t-shirt.

Sherlock Holmes

London. It’s like a great cesspool into which all kinds of criminals, agents and drifters are irresistibly drained. Sometimes it’s not a question of who, it’s a question of who knows.

Mycroft Holmes

All very interesting, Sherlock, but the terror alert has been raised to critical.

Sherlock Holmes

Boring. Your move.

Mycroft Holmes

We have solid information. An attack IS coming.

Sherlock Holmes

[Scornfully] Solid information. A secret terrorist organisation is planning an attack. That’s what secret terrorist organisations do, isn't it? It’s their version of golf.

Mycroft Holmes

I have given the Prime Minister my personal assurance that you’re on the case.

Sherlock Holmes

I am on the case. We're both on the case right now.

Mycroft Holmes

Oh, bugger!

Sherlock Holmes

Whoopsy! Can’t handle a Broken Heart. How very telling.

Mycroft Holmes

Don’t be smart.

Sherlock Holmes

That takes me back. “Don’t be smart, Sherlock! I’m the smart one!”

Mycroft Holmes

I am the smart one.

Sherlock Holmes

Oh, I used to think I was an idiot.

Mycroft Holmes

Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on, until we met other children.

Sherlock Holmes

Oh, yes. That was a mistake.

Mycroft Holmes

Ghastly. What were they thinking of?

Sherlock Holmes

Probably something about "trying to make friends".

Mycroft Holmes

Oh, yes. "Friends". Of course, you go in for that sort of thing now.

Sherlock Holmes

And you don’t? Ever?

Mycroft Holmes

If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I’m living in a world of goldfish.

Sherlock Holmes

Yes, but I’ve been away for two years.

Mycroft Holmes

So?

Sherlock Holmes

Oh, I don’t know...I thought you perhaps might have found yourself a...goldfish.