Toby Curtis quotes from Scorpion

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There's a GPS killswitch on the engine....I'll try and override it.

When you rented this truck, what did you do?

Veronica Dineen

I said I had a rented truck. I never said I rented a truck. Someone with a credit card ending in 3939 rented it, technically.

Great the credit card company picked up the fraud and the rental place used the GPS to shut down the truck. Thanks, Mom! If millions of people die, it'll be your fault!

Veronica Dineen

How could I know about GPS switches? I've been in prison for six years!

Prison?

Prison?

Prison?

Grandma's a jailbird.

Toby Curtis

That's your gated community in Arizona?!

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I like packing. It's like Tetris.

Toby Curtis

Let me guess, Tetris comparison was your idea?

Handling geniuses is literally my job description.

Did someone mention Tetris? You know, the geometrical construct of that game has applications in computational complexity theory.

Interesting. Why don't you take your bag and go play it with Ralph?

Excellent idea!

Toby Curtis

You're good at your job.

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What's up?

Toby Curtis

Turbine's hot. So are you by the way. Love that rubber boots/mechanic outfit combo.

Let me guess, save it for the honeymoon.

Toby Curtis

If you could.

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In the wake of Tim's recent departure, it was made clear to me that my decision-making could be a bit--

Tyrannical.

I was going to say unilateral. But your input is heard, and appreciated.

Toby Curtis

Overcompensation by way of agreeability and inclusion. Got it.

Wrong! But appreciated. Anyway, we're a team, everyone's feelings should be heard, not just mine.

Anyone who graduated middle school knows the conch method. It's from Lord of the Flies.

Toby Curtis

You know this'll flame out when you eventually snap like a rubber band. Being genial isn't your nature.

Wrong! But appreciated.

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Hey Ralph, can you help me out with this motor?

I wouldn't be of much service. I'm a bit distracted today.

Toby Curtis

What's wrong, buddy?

Something at school.

Is it physics? Calculus? We can help.

Two girls asked me to the Valentine's Dance.

We can't help.

I don't know who to pick. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings.

...

That's an easy solve. Take them both, alternate dancing with them every other song. Efficient.

I don't think they'll like that very much.

Ralph, don't stress. The probability of either of these girls being the one is very low. Only 2 percent of childhood sweethearts wind up together.

Sweethearts? What are you guys chatting about?

Nothing. Sociology. Ride's here, gotta go.

Bye... What just happened here?

Here? Nothing.

Does Ralph have a sweetheart?

Toby Curtis

Sorry, can't answer. Bro code.

Yeah. Bro code. [Paige twists his ear] Ahh! Ralph got asked to the Valentine's Dance by two different girls and he doesn't know what to do!

Why wouldn't he come to me with this problem?

Toby Curtis

Yeah, boys love to go to their moms with girl problems.

He trusts us to give sound advice.

About girls?! What's next, you guys gonna teach him how to play football?!

...

That football comment, that was sarcasm right?

Toby Curtis

No, she really thinks you should teach Ralph how to tackle.

I think that was more sarcasm.

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OK, one of you get online and win your way into that tournament. [no one moves] What's the hold up?

We don't play chess.

Toby Curtis

Not anymore.

Why the hell not?!

Why are we looking at a coat hook?

Toby Curtis

That is not a coat hook; that is a coat rook. Wound up in this wall five years ago.

After a week-long chess tournament.

A tournament that went horribly wrong.

You threw a rook in the wall?

Wasn't me.

Toby Curtis

Nope.

It was a three-way tie for points! I was about to engage a masterful attack: the bishop's gambit. But then Walter sneezed on my knight.

It was an accident.

J'accuse! My knight was covered in your mucus. The one piece I needed just happened to be the one you doused with your filth.

One, I do not have the ability to aim my mucus. Two, you could have cleaned it off.

Not without touching it! I played half the game with a dead pony!

Toby Curtis

At checkmate, Sly whipped this rook at Walt's head.

Not a half-bad arm.

It was unbecoming.

So we vowed never to play the game again for the sake of the team, and our friendship.

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Did you ever think I'd be giving emotional advice to a genius?

Toby Curtis

It's the blind leading the blind.

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You'd be very impressed with this newfound handle I have on my emotional state. Now, Paige and Tim are having issues--

Toby Curtis

That's not a shock. A distance of 7600 miles ain't good for love.

Yes, as I was saying, she's hurting, so she needed space and I gave it to her. I'm making progress. Good for me!

Toby Curtis

Where's Happy? We have wedding cake to taste, a wedding band to hear, and she still hasn't given me a guest list, despite me being very annoying about it.

Oh, she went to Lancaster to find her gearhead friend.

Toby Curtis

To track down a nutbar who knows his way around power tools?! Did you ever think of convincing her not to go?!

You need space. I'm gonna give it to you.

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Toby Curtis

You know why you're so worried? She's your friend, and you are pushing so hard and being a pill with all of us because you don't want to lose that friend.

She's someone from a chatroom!

Toby Curtis

I've been trying to figure out why it's taken so long to get that guest list from you for the wedding. It's 'cause you have no friends to invite outside of Scorpion.

That's ridiculous.

Toby Curtis

You have spent your whole life convinced you are incapable of friendships with humans. But you bonded with Ada. Whether you like it or not, you have a real, normal, non-Scorpion friend! And that friend has no immune system, a vat of honey for a home, and an oxygen tank with four minutes left on it. And you don't wanna lose her.

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One cannot be a friend if one is not available to said friend.

Toby Curtis

OK, that's it. Where do you learn this nonsense?

It's not nonsense. It's the 8 Smart Steps Certain to Make a Perfect Pal.

Toby Curtis

Where'd you get that, some stupid magazine? Holy Cosmo! You're getting relationship advice from a supermarket checkout rag!

Keep it down. Paige and I have been getting on better since we decided to be caring friends to each other, but I was concerned that I would eventually do something to mess that up. So I did research to avoid that.

Toby Curtis

The New England Journal of Medicine is research. You read a periodical with pictures of One Direction.

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Toby Curtis

Spiked punch! Just like a real prom.

Like you'd know.

Don't drink the punch, Ralph.