Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated Season 1 quotes

Velma

Look, about what happened -

Shaggy

Yeah, uh, about that...

Velma

We don't have to -

Shaggy

No, no way.

Velma

In fact, I'd prefer -

Shaggy

Absolutely. My thoughts exactly.

Daphne

We've got a great look for everyone!

Shaggy

Does mine involve wearing a skirt and lipstick?

Daphne

No...

Shaggy

Awesome!

Daphne

But Scooby's does!

It's not fair!

I am the goddess of love! Bow at the feet of Aphrodite!

Velma

I think you mean Amanda. (unmasks Aphrodite) Amanda Smythe?

Oh, you think you're so smart. Do you know how it feels to be humiliated? Me, the smartest and most gifted student in the history of Crystal Cove, laughed at by everyone in this school.

Velma

Well, actually...

You know nothing! They had promised me I would be prom queen, but instead they pulled a hideous mask over my face: The face of a monster. They ridiculed me. I left Crystal Cove that night, but I promised that someday I would return. I had always been good at chemistry, so when I stumbled on the formula for an artificial pheromone that could make people lose their minds with love, I knew I would have my revenge.

Daphne

Why? You're pretty now.

The scars run deep. I would reclaim the crown that was rightly mine, then I would destroy this town the way it destroyed me. My plan was genius! And I would have succeeded, too, if it wasn't for your olfactory-challenged sidekicks. (The deputies arrest Amanda)

Pericles

I am no one's sidekick.

You said it.

Shaggy

Well, Scooby Doo, like, you saved the day.

And Pericles, too.

Daphne

I guess even a diabolical and criminal bird can change his evil in malevolent ways.

(appears) Highly doubtful.

(nervously) Who--who are you?

I am an associate of Mr. E. Pericles left him a message that you should hear. (plays the recorded tape)

Pericles

It was I who gave Aphrodite the secret formula. Once that was accomplished, I could go after the real ingredients I needed to find. First, an ancient conquistador's ship manifest. Next, a stone piercing industrial-grade diamond drill bit. And finally, the geological reports from the Darrow Mining Company. Your move, Mr. E. (The tape ends)

Shaggy

Okay, can I get a teeny little time-out here? What does any of that stuff have to do with anything?

The curse of the haunted treasure, an ancient fortune left behind by the conquistadors that first settled this area. Legend has it that it is buried somewhere deep beneath us, and it now appears that Pericles is on the verge of discovering it. (Everyone gasp) And if he does, it could well mean the end of Crystal Cove. (walks away)

Way to go, gang. Who's been served now, huh?

I won't deny it, you are a worthy opponent.

Gee, thanks. You're not bad yourself.

Was that a gage burrow strategy you used back there?

You recognized it? You know, I thought at first I'd go with the Orpheus proposition, but I didn't have any milk.

Velma

(interrupts Fred) Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt, but what's the big idea trying to kill us? And what's with this thing?

My treasure! I thought you had returned to steal it.

Daphne

Returned? I think you have us confused with the original Mystery Inc.

Say, now that you mention it, you don't look anything like I remember you. Especially that parrot over there.

Thank you.

I've made a terrible, terrible mistake. What has become of me? I suppose it started that Halloween night. My family came upon a mysterious artifact, a key to finding the great cursed treasure rumored to lie beneath Crystal Cove. It corrupted us with greed. I had just gotten my hands on it when the earth shook and swallowed our entire house. My loved ones grew old and passed all around me, but I hardly even noticed. Then, those meddling kids showed up. They were after my treasure. I knew it! So I spied on them. And I booby-trapped the whole house in ways that would prey upon their weaknesses. Eh, but they left.

Daphne

So you've been waiting for them to come back all this time?

Truth be told, I kind of lost track. Has it really been that long? How do I look? Haven't let myself go, have I?

Uh, no.

You look fine.

Daphne

I love what you've done with your hair.

My whole life has been a waste. (sits in the chair, dodges the booby-trap arrow launched by crossbow and laughs) That's one of my earlier models.

Shaggy

What's going on?

All those traps going off must have awaken the area's fault line. (falls on the floor broken in half)

Quick, grab my hand!

Don't worry about me! (The gang watches the ceiling breaking outside) Now's your chance for escape.

Velma

But your treasure?

(last words) Keep it! And may it bring you more happiness than it ever brought me. (The ceiling is still breaking, the light shines outside) Now, through that crevice before it's too late!

Daphne

After all that, he saved us.

Velma

Or did we save him?

Shaggy

Yeah. Like, he did say this wedge was...

Cursed.

Whatever it is, it's our responsibility now. The question is, are there other pieces out there? And if there are, who else is looking for them?

Ta-da! The Brownberger B-41. It's the trapper's trap.

Mayor Jones

(arrives) Spicy giblet ponies, Fred! Why do you have a geisha tied up in here? You know they belong downtown in Crystal Cove's geisha house of terror.

He's not a geisha, dad. He's a wizard. Or at least that's who he's pretending to be...

Mr. Wang?

Big surprise.

Mayor Jones

What?! Wang?! Why?!

I've searched for the dragon's heart all my life. I tracked it to your silly little town, and it was almost mine. Mine!

Mai Le

You won't be needing these anymore. (takes the 4 rings off of Mr. Wang)

Daphne

Now it all makes sense. Mr. Wang used his supposed research trip to Crystal Cove as an excuse to hunt for the dragon's heart. When he saw that Mai Le was wearing the fourth dragon ring, he knew he was close. Mr. Wang posed as the evil White Kung Fu Wizard to steal the fourth dragon ring from Mai Le, but Chen pretended to be a Red Wizard in an effort to stop him.

Velma

After the wizard battle downtown, Mr. Wang came to my house in one last effort to get the ring.

Shaggy

But how did he make himself fly?

Oh, the same way I did, (takes the White Wizard costume off of Mr. Wang) jetpack.

Oh! Of course.

Daphne

And the magic lightning bolts?

Velma

(shows Mr. Wang's hand) Homemade Tesla coils. Genius!

It was the perfect plan. That ruby is priceless. I was going to be rich! And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you--

(masks Mr. Wang with the White Wizard's head) Save it, Wang. We've heard it all before.

Mai Le

Finally mine. So long, Mystery Incorporated.

Shaggy

Hello, dude. Or should I say... Mai Le? I went to the airport to see you off, but you weren't on the plane. It was always about the ruby, wasn't it? You just used us to get Wang out of the way so that you could get the other rings.

Mai Le

That's right. While you and your idiot friends were explaining Wang's plan, I opened the jade dragon and took the ruby. The dragon's heart belongs to me!

Shaggy

Fine. Come and get it. (Mai Le destroys table with her strong fist) Zoinks!

Mai Le

(in a Fred's trap) Let me down, you idiots!

You okay, Shaggy?

Shaggy

Was everything about you a lie? Like, even us?

Mai Le

Sorry, dude.

Velma

He's too good for you, dog issues or no dog issues.

Mai Le

I still don't know what that means.

The production assistant?

No, it's not. It's Argus Fentonpoof, the writer of "Scream, Scream, Time For You to Die".

I'm both. When you pulled out of the movie, they decided not to make it. I went bankrupt. I had to take a job as a production assistant.

But, why have you done this?

Well, by scaring you and everyone watching on TV, I was going to prove that Nightfright deserved his own horror movie. Right before you started filming, I hid my Nightfright costume in a closet. I used the conduit to sneak in and put the costume on. I paid the other actors to pretend to be knocked out when I attacked. Of course, I couldn't let anyone know that I was Nightfright. I had to sneak out every now and then, and get everyone coffee.

(arrives) Hold it right there. I'm Harry Shneste-Boysen, the executive producer of this show. I've been watching the whole thing from my jacuzzi. I'm blown away. (to Vincent van Ghoul) Not only is your reality show going to be a surefire hit, (to Argus) (2 deputies handcuff Argus) but I found your pathetic tale of lost dreams inspiring. It's gonna make a great movie.

A movie, about me? Really? Heh. Gee! Uh, you know, none of this would have happened without you meddling kids. Thanks.

Alright, let's go.

Bye, everyone! See you on the big screen in 10 to 20 years.

Well, all's well that ends well.

I would like to see who's been holding me captive all this time. (unmasks the one Fish Freak)

Daphne

Ernesto?

Hello, comrade Daphne and her fellow comrade mystery-solving teenagers. (The other 3 Fish Freaks unmask themselves)

Daphne

But aren't you against all this anti-environment stuff?

Funny you should ask. It all started when we were doing a little research into our old foe Destroido. We were going through their trash when we ran across some very interesting information: Dr. Cavanaugh's report on this giant oil deposit off Dead Man's Point. We came up with a plan to make enough money to fund our various protests. We were gonna drill for the oil ourselves and sell it.

You were doing this for cash?

You have no idea how expensive it is to be a grassroots activist! After we found the location of the oil platform, all we had to do was scare off anyone who started nosing into our business. And we would have, too, if that meddling mermaid had kept her fin to herself and never contacted you.

Velma

Hold on. Are you telling us that you were going to cause a major environmental disaster in order to get the cash to protest against major environmental disasters?

Yes! You must be willing to kill the environment to save it.

Uhh... no. I don't think that's right.

Velma

Hey, you're not a mermaid!

Allow me to introduce my lovely wife Amy Cavanaugh, ordinary human and professional Commercial jingle singer.

That explains why your eerily beautiful singing voice made me want to put on deodorant! (Velma is disappointed)

Velma...

Velma

You lied to me. You acted like you were my friend, and I believed you.

I'm sorry. I came up with the mermaid character out of desperation. I'd gone to the police to report that my husband had been kidnapped by Fish Freaks, but they just laughed at me, then asked for directions to the oil platform so they could add it as a stop to on the Crystal Cove Mystery Tour. I thought that if I could make it sound like one of your mysteries, you'd help me rescue my husband. And you did.

Velma

How do you even know about us?

I read your blog. I'm a fan.

Velma

Does that mean you're going to stay in touch?

If you'd like to me to.

Velma

Well... whatever. It's your decision. But I wouldn't mind if you did. As far as helping, it's what we do. Our friend Angel also deserves a lot of credit. She knew about Destroido's involvement from some old newspaper articles. That's how we made the connection.

Newspaper articles? That's strange. Destroido covered the whole thing up. The papers never even knew about it.

Velma

Hmm.

Angel

Lordy, Velma! Baby, you just about scared me out of my skin-tight leather foxy pants. What's with all the sneaking around?

Velma

You tell me.

Angel

What's that supposed to mean?

Velma

For the short amount of time that you've been in Crystal Cove, you sure know a lot about this town's mystery history.

Angel

Well, I'm just curious by nature. Remember the heebedy-jeebedies?

Velma

Stop. One of my big problems, on a list that's long and distinguished, is that despite my skeptical nature, I trust people. I want to see the best in them. Unfortunately, they usually let me down. Things have been adding up for me, Angel. The help you gave us on this oil platform mystery, the diary you provided for the Mystery Manor case; stuff that you shouldn't know and shouldn't have had, no matter what the heebedy-jeebedy.

Angel

What are you saying?

Velma

I'm saying Angel Dynamite isn't your real name. I think your real name is Cassidy Williams, and you're one of the members of the original Mystery Incorporated that vanished in the caves beneath Crystal Cove. Tell me I'm wrong... friend.

Angel

The Mystery, Inc. kids have found a piece of the Planispheric Disk.

So now, we know where 2 of the pieces are. Good work, Angel.

Angel

Just remember, I'm working with you, not for you, E. I'm worried about those kids.

Why?

Angel

Pericles is loose, and that nutso parrot might go after the piece, which puts them in danger, and us, if the former members of our club get wind of it.

Don't worry, little Angel. The other 2 won't move a muscle as long as Fred Jones is still alive.

Daphne

Look at that! Are Manticores double-jointed?

Velma

This is no Manticore, Daphne. This is... (unmasks the Manticore)

Hot Dog Water?

Velma

Just as I suspected. It totally makes sense when you put the clues together. Someone with computer skills had to make that fake website, and Hot Dog Water has those skills. And remember, just before the Manticore attacked, I smelled something familiar. It was briny, greasy hot dog water. (to Hot Dog Water) But what I don't know is why Shaggy and Scooby had such high voices after you attacked them before, or why you'd want this amusement park to close so badly.

How could you know? Your intellect is so far inferior to mine. (takes off the Manticore's outfit) It all started on a boring Friday night when I didn't have a date.

Velma

Hard to imagine.

I decided to run some experiments on the steel used to build the park's rides. I found that if you melted the steel down and combined it with chromium, stalagmite, and mercury phosphate, it created a kind of super helium. Shaggy and Scooby must have inhaled some helium gas from the Manticore's posterior relief hole. That's why their voices were so high. I figured if I could get the park to close, I could take all the steel, melt it down, and sell the super helium to the Australian zeppelin fleet. I'd have made a fortune and shown you up in the process, Velma.

Daphne

Another mystery solved.

It still seems like something's missing.

(reads) "Meddling kids and their dog will foil your plan".

Yep. That would be it.