Moira Rose quotes from Schitt's Creek

Alexis

Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?

Moira

Oh, always. Just not now.

Alexis

Hi, where are you?

Moira

I'm on my way! We've just encountered a bit of a roadblock, a hold-up, a minor issue.

Alexis

Okay, you literally had one job to do.

Moira

Jocelyn is in labor!

Alexis

Oh my god!

Moira

I know it's no one's fault. I'm with her now, we're in the car.

Alexis

Okay, so what am I supposed to do, here?

Moira

Well, has the press arrived yet?

Alexis

Yes! Everybody has arrived. Everybody is here, just waiting.

Moira

Oh! Don't start without me you little frippit. You don't have the media training.

Alexis

Okay, can you just like, please try to hurry up? Because the last thing we wanna do is stand up a room full of singles.

Moira

Oh look, Jocelyn's pulling up to the hospital right now.

Alexis

Wait, Jocelyn's driving?!

Moira

Yes, Alexis! She insisted! My nerves are fried!

Jocelyn

[screams in pain]

Moira

[shrieks]

Johnny

Moira? What's going on in there?

Moira

[yelling] Oh, it's my hands, John! It's the water! It's freezing cold!

Johnny

Then move your hands!

Moira

How will I know if it's getting warmer if I'm not touching it?!

Johnny

Well, Moira, you've got the cold tap on. You need to balance it with the hot.

Moira

Oh. Well, I'm sorry I'm not an alchemist, John. And it's not like there's a his sink for when the hers is inoperable.

Johnny

Okay, Moira.

Moira

Excuse me while I try to pass through. [flailing] Oh, John! These door frames! It's like trying to force oneself through the eye of a needle!

Johnny

I think the point has been made, Moira.