Scarecrow and Mrs. King · Season 1
Well, ha ha, there you are, you sly boots. I thought it was agreed, Babycakes, no job until the triplets are in nursery school!
What are you talking about?
You know, the little woman is so gosh-darn eager to earn some pin money. But I told her, the first four years of a child's life are more important than a new roof. Come on, Cookieface, it's two o'clock, feeding time.
What the Sam Hill do you think you are doing? First, you cannot get rid of me fast enough, then you barge in and drag me out of an interview for a perfectly good job. You say you are my husband, a lie which I do not find funny, and where do you think you are taking me?
We're getting married.
That's asking too much.
What do you mean you didn't get the job at Honeycut Typewriter? Didn't the interview go well?
You certainly could say that.
Have you told Dean? I think you should. I have always found him a rock in my darkest moments.
You told my boyfriend your darkest moments?
Well, um ... he's so patient. It's like talking to a registered nurse.
No! I can't sleep here. How would I explain it? I'd feel like I was lying and sneaking.
You are lying and sneaking. You're working for the government.
No! I mean ... I would feel guilty. You know? Like I was... having a thing. Or something. You know?
A thing?
Yes, you know. A thing.
Like an affair?
Yes. That kind of a thing.
Well, you're not. Now, do you like a window open at night?
Lee. I have to consider Dean.
Okay. How does he feel about windows?
I need two more strawberry daiquiris. Go easy on the rum.
Where does it say in my contract that I have to make daiquiris? I hate this assignment. I want a divorce
So, how is married life treating you, huh? Dinner at six? Dishes at seven? TV till nine?
Bed.
Bed?
You know, Francine, I've gained a lot of respect for the generosity and... stamina of the American housewife.
You're disgusting.
Uh-huh. And noises. Uh, squeaks, thumps ... Maybe it's a jungle. It's hot, steamy.
Probably sexual. Freud would say.
Francine, if you could pinpoint the single major reason as to why Amanda King gets to you, what would it be?
Her complete lack of ... everything.
Lee, you've managed to avoid your physical for three years.
I've been busy!
I'm Mr. Stetson's neighbor, Lydia Lowell?
Oh, hello. I'm Amanda King.
Will you be seeing Mr. Stetson again, or is this a one night sort of thing?
Yes, sir. Well, I'd just like to go on the record as saying that I regard Lee as a friend. And as such, I'm a little uncomfortable in snitching and spying on a friend.
Oh, don't be. That is standard operating procedure around here.
What did you expect?
A bottle of scotch, a whole cheesecake, a, a, a, – a woman!
What?!
Yeah. Yeah, that's what I want. I want a woman.
Well, I think you had better stop this right now because I will not get you a woman!
Could you give me something for the pain, huh?
You don't want to mask the symptoms do you?
Yes, yes I want to mask them
When I told you not to call, I didn't mean you could come sit in my bushes!
The weasel-faced man! Are we gonna smoke him out?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scarecrow and Mrs. King pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
