A character in Rocko's Modern Life
Played by Carlos Alazraqui
Rocko's Modern Life · 73 quotes
Most-quoted character in Rocko's Modern Life: in 38 of its 73 quotes
Most scenes with: Heffer (18), Filburt (13), Ed Bighead (2)
Rocko[stiltedly] Hey, Heffer, how can we possibly fix this mess quickly and inexpensively?
[also stiltedly] Good question, Rocko! Why don't we try new Tropical Plumber?
[Hef squeezes a tube and the bathroom becomes an island paradise with some singing fruits.]
Tropical plumber, eh!
Unclog your pipes today!
Tropical Plumber, eh!
There ain't no better way!
[repeat until Spunky eats the fruit]
Rocko?
RockoDr. Hutchison? I thought you were a dentist.
I was, but I got tired of always looking "down in the mouth"! [giggles] Dental humor!
[When Rocko is later for work too many times.]
I've tolerated your laziness for the last time, Rocko. If you are late again, consider yourself TERMINATED! Clear?
RockoCrystal.
Welcome to Pine Palace!
RockoFilburt, you're selling trees?
Shush! Don't interrupt my sales pitch
I got all the essentials: Marshmallows, potato chips, Pasture Puffies, cheese...
RockoWhere's your sleeping bag?
What?! There's no beds?!
RockoAh, the great outdoors. Smell that mountain air, boys.
Actually, that's my pine-scented air freshener for the tent.
RockoThis is where the lightweights camp! Sissies, fat tourists, and couch potatoes!
Great! So we can drop our stuff here?
We can't drink that water!
RockoWhy not?
Fish are dating in it!
We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to give you this O-Town special report. A crazed turtle has just hijacked the Jolly Roberts seafood restaurant in the marina.
What the?
Witnesses say the alleged turtle kept screaming... [looking at his script] "Fish... sticks... fish sticks," as he forced patrons out the backdoor to safety.
It was awful. Awful. He was CRAZY! Tartar sauce everywhere! Craziest turtle I ever seen! FISH STICKS! FISH STICKS! AHH!
Filburt!
RockoWell, Heff, how's it look?
Paper or plastic?
Wait... Wait a minute, big guy. You don't wanna do that. I got kids. Millions of 'em. They'll be orphans. Never getting to play catch with old Dad. No one to tuck 'em in at night. Please, Mister!
Rocko[sobbing, in a puddle of tears] Please, please, stop. I can't take anymore. You're free to go, Mr. Fly. Run along and take care of your family.
[Flecko pokes Rocko in the eye.]
You were gonna kill me, ya big jerk!
RockoIf this is Big Land, how come you're so small?
Sometimes, big things come in small packages, kid. Being big ain't all it's cracked up to be.
RockoBeing short's no picnic, either. I wish I was really big.
[taps his wand on Rocko's head, granting his wish] Done. [poofs away]
Rocko[starts growing and becomes as big as a skyscraper] Wow! This is great. [looks down at Spunky, quivering in fear of his humongous size] Don't be afraid, Spunky. It's only me. [picks up him and puts him in his shirt pocket] There you go, my little pal. Smell that fresh air.
Well, aren't we scary? Wait a minute. You've been here already!
RockoWhat?! No, I haven't!
Oh, yes, you have!
RockoBut, but...
Shame on you!
[slams door]
You went out already?
RockoNo! She's crazy!
[Cut to Really Really Big Man dressed as Rocko whistling the theme song.]
Oh, I'm so glad you could make it.
RockoIt was the least we can do.
[as Filburt gives her flowers] Won't you come in?
[The trio went with Bev and the bed is a stressful, not-up, Ed Bighead]
RockoDid he go peacefully?
Yes, he just kind of drifted off and that was it.
He looks all warm and sticky.
Oh Ed, You were so convinced that you were old that you wished yourself to death. [cries]
Well, no sense In dragging this out, let's get to the good part.
[about to lift up the bed] One... two... three... LIFT! [lifts up the mattress and Ed slides down and falls into the trash can]
And now, for the appropriate dirge.
[Bev starts crying uncontrollably as Heffer, Filburt, Rocko and she walk outside]
[sings the wedding march while Bev continues crying] Da dum da-dum! Da da-da-dum!
Rocko[takes off his hat] We have gathered here today to pay our last week's day to our beloved Ed Bighead, wasted away his entire life worrying about how old he was. Heffer, the lid. [Heffer holds up the lid to the trash can and puts the lid in the trash can] Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. We stick Ed Bighead in the Earth's crust.
[Heffer kicks the trash can with Ed Bighead in it to the hole that was dug up, making the latter groan in pain while Rocko, Heffer, Filburt and Bev cry wildly together]
[start sobbing wildly] WA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
RockoMy living room, it's a bathroom. My closet is a bathroom. My basement is a bathroom! My ballroom is a bathroom! Even my bathroom is a bathroom! Well, I guess that's okay. THERE'S TOO MANY BATHROOMS!
Too many bathrooms? What do you mean? You can never have too many bathrooms.
Rocko[enraged] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU WACKO!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rocko's Modern Life pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
