Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles · Season 1
Ha! You must be this rad to ride that ride.
Well, based on our velocity and entry angle… I concur. We rad!
You guys crushed it. Gimme 5! [All leap out to join her.] Or 3.
Couldn’t have done it without you, April. Our girl with the plan.
And keys to the roof.
Let’s go bungee dunk on the hoops at Rucker Park.
Game on! Just one thing first. [tosses 2 warning signs on ground] "Wet floor" and "dry pool". Our work is done here. Donnie, can I hitch a ride?
No probbles.
Really? That'll make us heroes? But it's only paper.
It's only paper? [laughing] I'm so sorry. Donnie, what did he just say? Did he say it's only paper?
Yup.
Did he say it's only paper?
Yes, he did.
Okay! That's what they all say. You think the road to hero town is paved with real crime? No! It's paved with the tears of the poor paper man. And who helps that guy? I'll tell you who: We are who.
What kind of weirdo steals paper?
A dreamer! You look at a blank sheet and see nothing. They look at it and see possibilities– [Raph elbows him in the side, causing him to fall over]
looking through his welding goggles] There's only one store they haven't hit yet, and it is right over there- Oh, convenient.
How 'bout we go stealth and make 'em wish they stole toilet paper?
[stealthily lands on the floor behind the bad guys with his brothers following suit] Okay, twerp and… [Foot Lieutenant turns around with a small gasp, Foot Brute looking super intimidating just by standing still] …Surprisingly big man. It's 4 against 2, so what say we call it a day, right?
Whoa! They got footprints on their faces!
Uh, are those flames on their heads?
Feels like a real hazard for a paper thief. [smirks]
Donnie, your gifts really brought out the best in us.
I’m funnier!
I’m bouncier!
And I’m smash-ier! Your gifts are the stuff!
But you were supposed to... Ah, forget it. You guys are great the way you are. Bring it in. Group hug.
Donatello: "You are conversing with Donatello."
April: "Dude, I need your help!"
Donatello: "For you, anything. As long it does not involve bees, or spiders, or beach balls. Please not beach balls." (shakes his head slightly at the thought as the microwave bot crashes and explodes behind him)
April: "Can you fix Albearto? He broke before singing "Happy Birthday!"."
Warren "Classic mistake. I may be small, but I’m also very—ah!"
[Leo smacks him and Warren goes flying.]
Leo "Huh?"
[Spinning, Leo swings his sword and slices Warren in two.]
Warren "Uhh."
Raph "Oh, what did you do?"
Leo "He was on my head! I panicked!"
Mikey "Is he gonna be okay?"
Raph "Is he gonna be okay?! He’s in two pieces."
Warren "You fools!"
[They all jump and scream, crowding behind Raph.]
Warren "You’ve unleashed my ultimate power. Now I can—"
Mikey "You can clone yourself?"
Warren "No, I regenerate. It’s an amazing power, but it’s incredibly painful."
Donnie "Fascinating. How long does the regeneration process take?"
Warren "Several days."
Michelangelo: "Maybe the bug-zapper button?"
Donatello: "Really? There's a bug-zapper but- WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY THAT FIRST?!"
Michelangelo: "It didn't have a 3000 after it!!"
Donatello: (uses one of claw arms to write "3000" under the Bug-Zapper button in a red marker) "There, happy?!"
Michelangelo: Why, thank you! (presses the button and effectively defeats the villain as our sci-fi loving dorks ride off into the sunset)
Donatello and Michelangelo: "HARD AS NAILS!" (high-threes as a jaguar growl sound effect goes off to show their fierceness and a mission accomplished)
Mikey: Omigosh! Omigosh! Omigosh! Splinter’s a zombie!
Donnie: Mikeyyy, zombies are interested in other people’s brains…
Raph: Rat flu. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill, boys.
Splinter: I feel terrible. Do I look terrible? Be honest.
Raph: You look great. Not horribly sick at all! …He’s horribly sick.
Donnie: URANIUM! We should absolutely ask for uranium! I mean—if I could finally get my hands on a little of that, we would be virtually unstopp—
Mikey: What about a brick oven for pizza?
Leo: Who’s gonna clean that? What we should ask for is matching unicorn onesies. Those are sick! Pun intended, and I nailed it.
Raph: Buckle up, boys. It’s about to get weird.
Donnie: Uh. Leo’s infected. Quarantine him.
Leo: Hey, you need me to get to the ‘Must Say Yes’ stage. We need to ask for the onesies—Whoa, it’s really hot. Is there a fire? There’s a fire here, right? The floor is made of lava?
Leo: I’m gonna hug you ‘til a smile comes out!
Raph: …ENOUGH! Raph’s got this because in big time moments, leaders make big time shots, and I’m big time.
Donnie: He must say yeeesssss. Make him say yeeesss.
Baxter, are you in here? You were supposed to be home an hour ago! [?] And what happened to the store?!
Oh, no, guys! It's my parents! [He watches April, Mikey and Leo escaped]
Tell us if you got grounded in your next video, OK? (OK. Bye!)
[off-screen] (Thanks, Leonardo.)
[off-screen] (Well done, thank you.)
But sure to subscribe and donate?
Baxter, why does the turkey with selfie stick?!
[off-screen] (Because, Mrs. Stockboy, even though have turkey with selfy stick. Mm. Tasty good.)
[The lair is dark as the Turtles land on the floor. A dark silhouette of Splinter's chair appears behind them]
Land safely!
Hey! What's Pops's chair doing here?
[Splinter turns on the lamp as the turtles cower and scream]
Where have you been?! I was worried! Didn't I ground you?!
[Leo high-fives him]
Yeah! And you took away our weapons.
We're really sorry!
[Raph drops Mikey]
And we've learned a really important lesson on a big secret today, alright? We--
[Just as Raph is about to say something, Splinter cuts him off]
Me first. Being a single parent is… What I wanted to… I… I didn't mean to lose my temper earlier.
No! Nonononono! BAD mutant silverfish!
Save the kiosk!
[after he and his son escaped the Foot Clan] Thank you, my sons. And I might add…
[He karate chops each of their foreheads]
You're all grounded!
WHAT?!?!?!
For not telling me that you knew Draxum.
Come on! What about all of your secrets?
[Splinter throws one of his shoes at him]
No! I will not ground me for my secrets! But I'll tell you everything. My sons, our destiny begins tomorrow. And we're way behind. Now someone carry me. I can hear my bones rattling.
[The Turtles carry Splinter away]
Room 16 take corridor B, down the stairs past the ibis tapestry. Sliding bookcase after bookcase shows the way to the hall- down the pole through the hole to the waterfall! Donatello! -with the book in his hand- gonna prove to everyone that he is the man!! Po-po comes in and takes him away- but Donnie D will live to see another DAAAAYYYYY! (Leo beat boxing in background)
[On Cybersleuth, three images show the turtles]
Birthdays ruined. Parks destroyed. Museums vandalized. Tonight on Cybersleuth, I will reveal the culprits. Beware the Mutant Menace!
[Watching Cybersleuth on his tablet, Mikey looks shocked]
Mutant Menace?! Omigosh! They're talking about us!
I can't believe we're getting blamed for this! Virtually, everything in there is somebody else's fault! I think.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
