“Krytie TV”
In this episode: Arnold Rimmer (4), Dave Lister (4), Kryten (2)
[Lister and Rimmer plan to leave after seeing Krytie TV's "Ladies Shower Night," fearing it could damage their appeal]
I want no part of this.
Me neither.
We've gotta go.
Right now.
Not a minute to lose.
I'm dust.
Me too. After two. One, two, go!
[They still sit there, moving their heads sideways, while watching the feature.]
First, we sabotage the date.
What, "we"? You mean you're gonna help me?
Step on board the "love express," sir! Now, we get to his quarters through the air vents; I've paid off the guards. Then you make him look like the nerdiest slob in the entire universe. This is what you leave in his quarters. A half-eaten onion sandwich. That's always a passion-killer.
Is it? I like those.
Then there's this: "Morris Dancer Monthly." What a total dweebo nerdmeister he'll look with those!
They're mine!
And then there's these: tragically unfashionable underpants.
[exasperated] They're mine!
And finally: Christian rock music. It that doesn't scare her off, nothing will.
Have you been going through my things?
[Rimmer is reading a letter to Lister from Peterson]]
My God, that is tragic.
Why, what's happened to him? Has he died?
Died?? You'd think he'd write and tell you?
No, you're right, man, I'm not thinking straight. He'd be to busy organising his funeral wouldn't he? What's happened to him?
Somthing catastrophic. Hideous. He's found your guitar in Starbug's wreckage and is sending it here.
Brilliant!
[Rimmer is looking stressed]
You OK?
Of cause I'm not OK. I hate your guitar. If I wanted to share a cell with an irritating lump of wood, I'd have moved in with an Australian soap star!
I didn't think you thought I was THAT bad.
Didn't you get a clue that time I tried to insert it in you?
You would've had a better chance if you started with the neck end.
[Lister and Rimmer plan to leave after seeing Krytie TV's "Ladies Shower Night," fearing it could damage their appeal]
I want no part of this.
Me neither.
We've gotta go.
Right now.
Not a minute to lose.
I'm dust.
Me too. After two. One, two, go!
[They still sit there, moving their heads sideways, while watching the feature.]
And now, I'm going to stare at a cracked floor tile. [He does so. The other inmates yell in displeasure.]
What's he doing that for?!
Remember: Shower Night is a Pay-Per-View event. Start filling those buckets!
[Men in "Krytie TV" t-shirts approach the inmates with buckets. The inmates put cans of beer, cigarettes and other items in the buckets.]
I don't believe this! He's running it like a business! There's even a bloke there selling ice creams!
Never mind him. Now. We got to go RIGHT NOW.
I'm going, I'm going.
And now, I'm going to get close and personal with one of the showers, Miss Kristine Kochanski!
[Rimmer and Lister stop as soon as they hear this and slowly turn round.]
Fancy a choc-ice?
[They sit down. Lister pushes another inmate's head out the way.]
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