“Holoship”
In this episode: Arnold Rimmer (6), Kryten (4), Dave Lister (3), The Cat (3)
What, am I the only sane one here? Why don't we drop the defensive shields?
A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws. One: we don't have any defensive shields. And two: we don't have any defensive shields. Now I realise that, technically speaking, that's only one flaw; but I thought it was such a big one, it was worth mentioning twice.
Lister to Red Dwarf. We have in our midst a complete smeg pot. Brains in the anal region. Chin absent, presumed missing. Genitalia small and inoffensive. Of no value or interest.
They've taken Mr. Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr. Rimmer!
Quick -- let's get out of here before they bring him back!
[Rimmer and the hologram Nirvana Crane have just finished having casual sex.]
That was just unbelievable!
It's never been like that before.
Was it OK?
It was...different.
Different?
You make love like a Japanese meal - small portions, but so many courses.
Look, Nirvana , I hope you didn't get me wrong just now, that meant nothing to me, truly less than nothing, really.
Good.
We may as well have been playing tennis.
As it should be.
I don't suppose you fancy a tie break?
You know, we usually talk.
What do you talk about?
Research, new theories, mission profiles.
I'm sorry, I must have seemed very ignorant. I hardly said anything apart from 'Geronimo!'
What you're suggesting is immoral and illegal. Mind patching is outlawed.
But it is possible.
Possible but highly dangerous. The side effects can be devastating. You could be reduced to a gibbering simpleton.
Reduced?
I don't care. I'm prepared to take the chance.
Even if it costs you your mind?
It's a small price to pay.
Look, on that ship I can touch, I can feel, I can taste. I'm not a half man any more. With them I'm whole again.
Rimmer, they're a bunch of arrogant, pompous, emotionally weird, stuck-up megalomaniacs. Do you really think you're going to fit in with them? (Pause) What am I saying? Bon voyage!
Wasn't it St. Francis of Assisi himself who said, "Never give a sucker an even break"?
Well, if he did, sir, it was strictly off the record.
[Rimmer is saying goodbye to the other Dwarfers]
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with. And I know that, given the choice, I probably wouldn't have chosen you as friends. But, I just want to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as...people I met. I'd just better go, OK?
See you, smeghead.
Oh, and sir, you're wrong. We won't be apart, we just...won't be together.
I cannot believe I just said that! (he leaves)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red Dwarf pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
