We are responsible! We're also passionate and spontaneous.
Yeah those would be our gladiator names if we were on American Gladiator.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
BBruce
[about Mike] When you find him, beat him black and blue.
PPoliceman
I'd love to, but with the internet and phone cameras, the fun's over.
[to Mike] I wish your dad was here for this, but he's busy being a big throbbing tool. Let's call him up and rub the happiness in his face.
NNatalie
You can't fight a mountain lion. All you can do is lay back and go meet Jesus.
Pygmies freak me out. The women run around topless. They look like little girls with knockers.
All college guys cheat when they're in a long distance relationship. Why do you think I didn't let your dad go off to college?
'Cuz he didn't graduate high school?
For your information, there are universities that advertise on late night television that are willing to overlook that.
Noses are the unsung hero of the face, ties the whole thing together. Name one good looking person without a nose...can't do it.
[Zoe walks into the studio completely naked]
RRosa
Jimmy, you look so freaked out, like a deer caught in his girlfriend's high beams.
I'm not freaked out. I always figured the first time I saw her naked would be with a bunch of strangers and my mom's boss.
DDonovan
Hell Chinese moms don't even give the kid a pillow. Yeah, they throw a violin and a laptop in the crib and say "Learn it by morning, donkey!" I mean, that's why the Chinese are beating us at everything.
[to Gary] I'm sure somewhere out there there is a woman that wants to be lured into your apartment to find you naked. Maybe you should try Greg's List!
When it comes to being a hunter gatherer, I don't have a lot of weapons. I'm not that bright, I'm not that smart, and I don't have a lot of intelligence.
[after seeing Sabrina's commercial] That's not fair. You used my daughter without my permission. Would you make your own baby?
Yeah. Come on Sabrina. Let's go make our own baby!
Burt, why are you infusiating yourself in other people's lives?
I like this guy. He reminds me of me. We both have brown hair and hate museums.
RRosa
It seems my mother thinks that your son is the Devil.
Hah! I kinda doubt the devil would still be a virgin at eighteen.
Did you hear that? Maw Maw's got a surprise for you Jimmy!
[slams his hand onto the table] You know that's not my name! If you want to address me, you must call me Drakkar Noir.
Like the man's perfume, right?
It means Black Dragonship.
[momentary pause]
Your makeup looks nice today.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Raising Hope pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.