Queer Duck quotes from Queer Duck

Queer Duck

Its like a convent in here! Hundreds of Marys all dressed in black!

So son, when are you going to get yourself a girlfriend and give us some grandchildren?

Queer Duck

Well, gee, dad I guess I haven't found the right girl.

Openly Gator

[Under his breath] Yeah... one with a penis.

What was that?

Queer Duck

Mother? Father? ...I'm gay!

Queer Duck

[Asking him if he'll come out to his parents.] What about you, Bi-Polar Bear?

I already told my father, he was totally shocked... and so was his boyfriend! [Laughs]

Hey! I was watching that!

Openly Gator

[Handing him a drink] Here! [Little Lucky drinks it]

Why did you turn it off? I'm gonna---[Passes out]

Queer Duck

[To Openly Gator] Did you give my nephew a roofie?

Openly Gator

...Half!

Openly Gator

The whole party's coming back to me! This place was wall-to-wall cock! [Sees Little Lucky] coke! We were doing coke...a-cola. We drank Coca Cola and Mountain Dew and Doctor Poppers--eh Pepper!

Queer Duck

Go back to bed.

Openly Gator

Good idea...

Who was that?

Queer Duck

The boogeyman.

I've slept with seven men in my... in my li... in my.. li

Queer Duck

In your lunch break?

In my life!

Queer Duck

And you call yourself a homosexual?!? Please!

I'm a recovering homosexual!

[Talking to Queer Duck and gay animals.] I want you to stop obsessing over other men and start obsessing over Jesus!

Queer Duck

You mean that shirtless guy with the nice abs?

That's him!

Queer Duck

Openly Gator!

Openly Gator

Christ! I nearly wet myself!

Queer Duck

Bipolar Bear!

Bipolar Bear

I nearly wet him too! [laughs]

Queer Duck

Oscar Wildcat!

Oscar Wildcat

I haven't seen such urbane gay wit since they canceled Gomer Pyle!

Queer Duck

If it's a crime to love Barbara Streisand, then lock me up! [Queer Duck appears in a prison cell] Seventy-five years without parole? Oh, my gay stars!

You sure got a pretty beak!

Queer Duck

[Impersonating BS] Why hello gorgeous!

Queer Duck

Come on, come on, let's get moving!

Gator

This is like a gay-pride pirade in slow motion.

Welcome to homos in slow-mo. [laughs then pauses] I'll be quiet.

Wildcat

You do that.

Openly Gator

[seeing his nose twisted by the weights] I'm a freak!

Queer Duck

No! You look cute with your little... turned up nose.

Man, you should teach this to my wife!

Queer Duck

You're wife?!? [applies a pressure hold and makes the Minotaur pass out]

Queer Duck

Bipolar Bear, will you pound the organ?

Bipolar Bear

Ya betcher booty! But first I'll play some music! [laughs]

Queer Duck

I, Adam Seymour Duckstein take you, Steven Arlo as my one and only. Unless you're out of town, or we have a really big fight, or when its one part of a man's body coming through a hole in the wall... [hours pass, the sun sets] ...and it doesn't count as cheating if its a threesome, or that really cute delivery boy! Uhm... amen?

Openly Gator

[emotionally] Oh, Queer Duck! You really do love me!

Openly Gator

Queer Duck, if we survive this plane crash, will you marry me?

Queer Duck

Ah, we're not going to survive this are we?

Openly Gator

No.

Queer Duck

Then sure!