What is a taffy pull?
Is this another dig at my forefathers?
You've got four fathers? The Welsh are weird.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Who, or what, is Cummingtonite?
[Giggles] I don’t know. The night is young, Stephen.
It’s marvellous to be six because you’re not aware of your own mortality. You think you’re the centre of the universe... Days last a hundred years! It’s always summer! You can put your head in some custard and no one cares.
I'd quite like to be, sort of … a minute … old. After the smack and everything's washed off, you're straight on the tit, you've got entertainment, you've got sleep and you can cry all the time without anyone thinking you're weird.
[Guessing the contents of the Queen's handbag]
The Little Book of Calm … and mace spray.
I'll tell you what though, the only indigineous mammals in Australasia are marsupials.
They're therefore not mammals.
[The audience laughs and Jimmy looks stunned.]
Did you not know that they're cats! Hahahaha, Hahahaha, they're cats! All of them!
I'm sorry for trying to be clever. Sorry, back to the knob gags.
What's your favourite bit of the koala. Do you like the hands, the little hands?
I like the cock.
Oh stop.
Told ya.
[Rory has been displaying his knowledge of the periodic table.]
RMRory McGrath
Selenium is 34, arsenic is 33.
Very good. Isn't he good? They should really put railings around you and have children come and stare at you.
[Rory has been getting several answers correct by now.]
Now, this is a team game, isn't it? I'm on his team, is that right?
[Rory puts his hand on Jimmy's shoulder whilst everyone laughs]
This is my team mate here. We're killin' them, aye? [He swears using his hand at Sean and Alan]. Come on! You want some?
Yes, but, later on, when we go out, people will talk to us.
(sing-song, about 10 Downing Street) There's always someone in there!
Well why did you sing that?! It was a little bit scary! There's always someone in there!
I wanted to frighten you.
I am frightened. I think someone might be under the desk!
[About Mr. Chicken, the last private resident of 10 Downing Street]
Sadly, nothing else is known of Mr. Chicken.
He was a philatelist, and he worked in a bank. And he used to sail. So there's three facts, so I should get some points for those. Little-known facts, but true.
RMRory McGrath
I think he also played the tenor banjo.
He had eleven knuckles!
And, in fact, was actually a chicken.
[exasperated] So, the most biographed man in the 18th century...
Something’s 98% water, I know it is.
Is it the sea?
Do you remember anything he said?
No, not a word. He said something about calcium, there’s a tree with a funny name, I don’t know. Koalas invented rice. Um, other stuff. He’s like a robot!
So tonight we have three astronauts, and one astro-minus-25. Ha, the things I do with words.
[ Jeremy Clarkson holds up a sign saying "I like Stephen".]
It's like having your own little performing donkeys.
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