My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad. There'd been a recent wave of gorgeous fashion models found naked and unconscious in laundromats on the West Side. Unfortunately, I was assigned to investigate holdups of neighborhood credit unions. I was across town doing my laundry when I got the call on the double killing. It took me twenty minutes to get there. My boss was already on the scene.
No, I can't say that I do. I did live with a guy once, though, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumours, innuendos - people didn't understand.
[Mrs. Twice tries not to cry. Ed gives Mrs. Twice a handkerchief and she starts crying into it.]
[continuing] Sure, he was a physical education major but he had a mind! He could think, he wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later - had three kids. Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note.
[continuing] I told him she was wrong. And that youngest boy, just like his father. Football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same. You can't go back.
[In the police crime lab, Olsen is showing Drebin a ballistics penetration test by shooting a a row of VHS tapes in boxes on a shelf]
TOTed Olson
If the holdup man had been where Sally Decker said, the bullet should have penetrated deeper. Let me show you what we did. These guns are identical to the one that killed Jim Johnson. Watch carefully as I test-fire this gun into these videotapes of Barbara Walters' interviews. As you can see, it completely destroys the Burt Reynolds interview, and everything from Bo Derek to Paul Newman. But only up to the point where Barbara asks "Is it difficult to love?" Now, let me show you what happens when the gun is fired from 3', which is the distance Sally claims the shots were fired from. Notice? Complete destruction, right up to the point where she asks Katherine Hepburn what kind of tree she'd like to be.
That's very interesting, I have a theory about that. As you know Frank, billions of years ago, our Earth was a molten mass. But for some reason, not understood by scientists, the earth cooled, forming a crust, a hard igneous shell. That's what we scientists call "Rock".
