[Pinky and Brain are discussing Brain's not-too-bright girlfriend]
I met her today in the maze. Her name is Billie. She's of simple folk, fair and true.
You mean she's stupid?
A bit.
S3 E2Brain Noir
After [Snowball], Pinky! He's about to engage the machine!
Poit! I didn't even know they were going steady. We really ought to bring a gift, Brain. [Brain grabs him and runs after Snowball.] You know where they're registered? Congratulations, Snowball! We're so happy for you and your fianceé! A hamster engaged to a big machine? What will people say?
Stop being foolish, Pinky.
Oh you're right, Brain, as long as they're happy. We should get them something nice; a fondue set, maybe. I mean, after all, we are getting tight hats in the bargain.
[Brain finds Billie at the controls of the machine]
Egad, Brain! Snowball's turned into a mouse!
No, Pinky, it's Billie.
Billie's turned into a hamster? [Brain grabs him and smacks him with his hat repeatedly] She's a mouse! She's a hamster! She's a mouse! She's a hamster! She's a mouse and a hamster? [laughs deliriously]
[about Snowball's plan] ...and execute me in the process.
SSnowball
Oh, don't be silly, Brain. It would take all the fun out of life; I derive my greatest pleasure from making you squirm.
I derive my greatest pleasure from making Brain squirt milk out of his nose! [Snowball and Brain bop Pinky on the head] Natch!
S3 E6All You Need Is Narf/Pinky's Plan
[disguised as a cow]
Moo. We are a cow. Take us to China.
The irony of it all, Pinky. Years of trying to take over the world, and all I had to do was say "moo".
S3 E10The Pinky Protocol
[Brain spots Gulliver Sloane, a parody of Oliver Stone]
Pinky, look! Somebody's filming us.
FFFred Floppel
A scratchy piece of surveillance footage triggers a bizarre new conspiracy theory from controversial film director, Gulliver Sloane. Good evening, I'm Fred Floppel.
[In a cabin, a chubby man wearing a camouflage hat with matching pants and a white shirt sits in a rickety chair eating spam]
MMan
Well, that's the saddest story I've ever heard.
Just look for a document called the Pinky Protocol.
The Pinky Protocol? What's that?
[Brain glances left then right]
They don't want you to know.
[Back in his cabin, the man eats more spam]
MMan
Well, why won't they leave that poor Brain fella alone?
[That night, at the National Archives, Brain, wrapped in bandages with his arm in a sling after his injuries at the golf by former president Gerald Ford, looks up at Pinky through the mail slot]
Now reel me up, Pinky. Slowly.
[Using a fishing pole, Pinky slowly reels him up]
Poit! Are you sure you don't wanna rest a bit?
[Brain bumps his bandaged foot at the door each time he sways back and forth]
There's no time to rest, Pinky. Ooh! Now that we have the document signed… Ah! …we must place it in the National Archives… [groans as if to say, "Doors!"] …so that it can be discovered. Ow!
[He reaches the top of the mail slot]
Now, push open the mail slot and hoist me in.
OK.
[Pinky accidentally lets go of the reel and pushes the mail slot open. Brain screams and hits the ground. Inside, Pinky lands on the floor]
Hold on, Brain!
[He reels the fishing pole line quickly. Brain grabs the rolled-up document and hangs on for dear life as he bumps the mail slot, then falls and lands hard on the floor]
Poit! Are you alright, Brain?
I'm fine, Pinky.
[After Brain trips over one of the lasers from the security system, two agents lead him and Pinky outside. Sloane runs over to Brain, pointing at him and holding his camera]
Let me through! Look! It's him! The Brain! We've finally caught you red-handed, didn't we?
No, you've got it all wrong.
[Back in his cabin, the man spots Brain on TV]
MMan
I knew it! Those government agents have got the little fella by the whiskers!
[Three policemen jump out of the way as the man drives a pick-up truck and stops. Sloane, Brain, Pinky and the reporters watch with surprised looks. As the reporters chatter in confusion, the man gets out of the truck]
MMan
Don't worry, little guy, I'll save you from those big government fellas!
No! We don't need to be saved!
[He and Pinky gasp as the man grabs them and runs back to his truck, taking them in with him]
MMan
Well, Big Jake is going to save you anyway, whether you like it or not!
[The man, now named Big Jake, or more shortly known as Jake, drives off as three more policemen jump out of the way. Sloane picks up the document]
Hey! Aren't you going after him?
[Two policemen glance at each other before running off. Three police cars chase Jake's truck]
What are you doing? Who are you? Are you mad?
JJake
You don't have to thank me. This is just like when the black helicopters took away Heshimu. Y'all remember Heshimu?
[Pinky shrugs at Brain as if saying, "I don't remember."]
JJake
Of course not, they don't want you to remember! The people thought he disappeared in Sumatra with a big gerbil! Actually, he tried to borrow the elephant man's skeleton!
[Jake pulls the lever and pushes the gas pedal with his foot as his truck goes faster, causing Brain and Pinky to hit the window. Two police cars block Jake's path but he takes a shortcut off a cliff as the mice scream]
JJake
Mr. Whipple wasn't the tidy bowl man! I'm telling you, he was not the tidy bowl man!
[Brain and Pinky are pressed onto the seat as if hanging on for dear life]
Make it stop, Brain! Make it stop!
This guy is one green maraschino cherryshire of a fruit cake, Pinky. Let's get outta here!
[Brain opens the door of the truck, causing him and Pinky to fly out of here while screaming. They bounce on the grassy field when they see a police car heading straight for them. Its tire rolls over them and launches them into a sign reading: "Welcome to Virginia". Pinky spots something in the sky]
Narf! I see an angel coming for us.
[Brain stands up looking dizzy]
I see clams. Big shirtless clams.
No, Brain, really.
[A bald eagle swoops down and grabs the duo in its talons then flies off. A helicopter hits the eagle, causing it to drop Pinky and Brain. Back with Jake]
JJake
And they say those UFOs are just pie plates. Well, they are pie plates! Alien pie plates!
[Brain and Pinky fly back into the truck]
JJake
And whatever happened to eating track tapes? It's a conspiracy, you know?!
Uh-huh.
[The truck drives out of sight]
[Elsewhere, an angry mob is gathered outside Jake's cabin while holding signs that read: "Free Harold Foster Brain!", "Put a Brain in Charge!", and "We Want Brain!". A car stops and the agent from the FBI, a blonde man wearing shades, steps out and holds a megaphone]
FFBI Agent
Police to Harold Foster Brain, come out with your hands up.
[Sitting on a camera catwalk, Sloane taps his shoulder to get his attention]
Officer, you're blocking my shot!
[Inside the cabin, Jake hides behind the window]
JJake
I'm not coming out! No way! We don't recognize the 40s of your illegally constituted government!
FFBI Agent
[on megaphone; offscreen] I promise, we'll not turn you over to the aliens or Mr. Whipple.
[Brain and Pinky sit in Jake's chair]
Pinky, we're trapped by a mad man! Try not to panic.
'K.
[Pinky spots a remote to the chair]
Poit! [gasps] Look, Brain! Magic fingers.
[He presses a button and the chair vibrates which causes Brain to fall onto the floor. Jake approaches them]
JJake
Quick! Put on these tin-foiled hats so they can't control your minds.
[Wearing a tin-foiled hat over his own hat, he puts one on Brain's rear and another on Pinky's head. Pinky looks amazed at it]
[vibrating] Ooh! Narf! Thank you!
Perhaps we're approaching this in the wrong way, Mister, uh, Big Jake. If I might go out and talk to the authorities.
JJake
No, Your Leadership, the people need you! That's why I have to keep you locked in here! If you go out there, they'll get you and you'll never be heard from again! Why do you think Elvis had to go to hiding? And whatever happened to Joyce DeWitt?!
But we can't stay here forever.
JJake
Sure we can. You can rule from right here, and we can print our own jacks.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Pinky and the Brain pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.