Charlie[when Joe invites him and his siblings over for Thanksgiving] Look, we've had other invitations, Joe. Bay's friend Will. We just don't feel like it.
Charlie, there are gonna be other holidays without them. Are you gonna skip those, too?
Charlie
Look, we just need to get through this one, okay? It's easier that way for everyone.
I know this guy coming back shakes up everybody, and it brings up things that nobody wants to deal with, but you make a meal, you sit down as a family. It's like saying "Life goes on".
Charlie
We say that every day, Joe, without the turkey.
Charlie
For God's sake, Claud, I don't have time for this! You think you're gonna miss school every time you get your period?
I just don't feel like going! I'm moody.
Charlie
You're moody all the time.
Charlie
Claudia's not going to school, she got her period.
So? It's her first time. She's nervous.
I'm not nervous! I just don't feel like going!
Charlie
Claudia's period.
Why don't you just invite the neighbors over, and we can all talk about it!
Charlie
Hey, crank it up. People in Sausalito can't hear it.
[Giggling and moaning]
Charlie
What the hell do you think you're doing?!
Charlie, get out of here! You can't just come busting in my room like that!
Charlie
Claudia's downstairs, for God's sakes.
Claudia's downstairs all the time when you and Kirsten do it.
Charlie
That's not the same thing.
Charlie
Claudia's downstairs, you're 16 years old, and you're not having sex in this house.
You had sex in this house when you were 16.
Charlie
No, I didn't! Mom and Dad made it impossible for me, I'm gonna make it impossible for you.
[Knocks on door]
Charlie
Bailey's in the shower. You want to join him?
I got school. If you want, I can wait outside on the sidewalk across the street? Down the block, how's that? [starts vacuum cleaner] I'm allergic to wool.
Charlie
What?
Your sweater. It's wool, right? Well, even if I wasn't, I-- Allergic, I-- I wouldn't wear it. Oh, not the sweater, no. No, your sweater's really nice. No, it's just have you ever seen them shave sheep? Shear sheep-- Have you ever seen that? Ooh, it looks like it hurts. Doesn't look like the sheep are too happy about it, you know? It's kind of an animal cruelty issue really. [vacuum turns off] I just, I-- I get a rash really gross, around my wrists from wool.
Charlie
You're high.
Charlie
You're on something.
I am not! God, last night too.
Charlie
After-- After the earthquake, you were-- You were bouncing off the walls.
Uh, I was scared, okay? Same as two million other people. Same as Claudia.
Charlie
It's speed, right?
You are crazy. I am not on--
Charlie
I lived with a guy in college. He used to take uppers to get through exams. His eyes looked like yours do, kind of, kind of glazed.
Wow. What did I ever do to you?
There you are. I want to know what the hell your problem is with Jill.
Charlie
I guess Jill told you about our conversation.
I want to know what you got against her that you would just come out, and, I mean, out of nowhere, accuse her of doing speed.
Charlie
She's on speed, Bay. [sighs] Maybe you haven't been around it long enough to know, but I have. All the signs are there.
Charlie
You haven't noticed that she's wired all the time?
She's high-strung, that's her personality, and she works in a coffeehouse, for God's sakes!
Charlie
I mean, she drinks, like, I know you don't want to believe this about her, that's why you're not seeing it, but she has a problem.
You're the one who's got a problem, Charlie. All the sudden you think you're Father Knows Best. You make all the rules, and you got all the answers.
Charlie
Fine. Get mad at me. It doesn't change what's going on here.
You don't want me to be with her, just admit it.
Charlie
Okay. That's true, you're right. I don't want this girl messing up your life, Bay.
So as long as I'm a good little boy, and I do my homework and I drink my milk, you're okay, but as soon as I start dating a girl who likes to have a little fun and who isn't a virgin, you start making up lies to break us up.
Charlie
If I wanted to do that Bailey, if I wanted to lie about her, why would I go to her? Come on, Bay, think about it. If that's true, why would I go to Jill and not to you?
Well, didn't you stop to think that maybe there's a-- There's a good explanation Like, maybe they were aspirin? Huh? I mean, it's not like Claudia's some drug expert or anything.
It's Darvax from when Mom hurt her back.
Charlie
It's a really strong drug, Bailey.
Yeah, I know what kind of drug it is.
Charlie
You don't steal drugs from somebody's medicine cabinet unless things are pretty bad.
I'll take care of it. Thanks.
Charlie
She needs to get help, Bay. In the meantime, we'd feel better if she didn't come around here so much.
What? What're you doing? What are you, kicking her out of here? Is that what you're doing?
Shh! Claud's sleeping. Keep your voice down.
Screw this. This is my house too.
Charlie
She's stealing, Bay, and she's lying to you. She's not in control.
And we don't want to see you get hurt.
Wait, you think you're making this better, making me choose? You are making it so much worse, I can't tell you. This is my house. You don't tell me what to do with my girlfriend. There is no way in hell I'm putting up with that.
You had that friend that guy in the Who had a coke problem?
Charlie
Gary.
Right. So what did you do? Was there, like, some really low-key treatment program somewhere? Because maybe if you talk to her mother You know, I mean, I tried, and it, like, completely backfired, but you're older, so maybe--
Charlie
Bailey, I'm not--
Please, Charlie. I'm asking you. I'm really scared of what could happen to her.
Charlie
Bay, what are you gonna do? You keep drawing a line, and she keeps crossing it, and you keep going back to her, which is only making things worse. I'm telling you, the best thing you can do is walk away.
I should've known better than to come to you.
Charlie
What the hell does that mean?
It means you've got one answer to every problem. Turn your back and walk away.
Charlie
I am not walking away.
Charlie
No! I'm not walking away from you, and you're my problem. You're my responsibility.
Charlie
Why don't you listen to me? I don't want to find out you're in the car the next time she cracks it up. I don't want you in trouble with the police if she gets busted. I don't want you getting deeper and deeper into this with her.
Charlie
Bailey what is going on here? What? Are you in love with her?
I'm sure you did everything you could, Bay.
I don't know. Maybe that's just the way it is with people. Maybe there's just nothing anybody can do to help anyone else.
Charlie
Bailey, you help people all the time.
Yeah. I mean, look what you did for Claudia.
What, blow off her birthday? Yeah, I'm expecting a medal for that one.
You remembered the charm.
Charlie
Oh my God, the charm.
Oh God, no wonder she was so pissed!
That's not fair, Charlie. That is not fair! There's one of you and four of us, and each of us has something here that's every bit as important to us as your work is to you. And this is our home!
Charlie
All right. Then I'll tell you what. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. We're moving to Seattle.
You can't do that, Charlie.
Charlie
The hell I can't!
Charlie
I know it's not, but--
I don't want to go to a different school.
Charlie
You don't know that. We'll go visit the place. This is the first really great thing that's happened to me in my life, and I can't let it go, you have to understand that.
That's not fair, Charlie. That is not a fair argument! There is one of you and four of us, and each of us has something here that's every bit as important to us as your business is to you. And this is our home!
Charlie
Fine. Then I'll tell you what. I'm not asking, I'm telling you. We're moving to Seattle.
Charlie
The hell I can't! I'm in charge here, I'm the adult. We are picking up and we are going and I don't wanna hear another word about it from any of you.
We are not going with you!
Charlie
Yes you are!
I'm not going. I'm moving in with Justin, we asked his parents and they said they'd think about it.
What? What about me? Where do I go?
Charlie
You are all coming with me.
There's no way you can do that, Charlie, OK? You can't! So you go. You go to Seattle and you take care of yourself. We're not going with you.
We're gonna get split up.
That's right. That's right. I hope you can live with that.
Charlie
You eat way too much sugar, that's the whole problem.
Charlie
Yes, you do! Why don't you have a nice piece of fruit when you get home from school?
Why don't you get a haircut?
Charlie
I'm serious, Claud, when was the last time you had a vegetable?
When was the last time you put down the toilet seat?
Party of Five · 364 quotes
