Bailey Salinger quotes from Party of Five

Bailey

[to Owen] Listen just to keep you up to date, and don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going crazy here. So unless I come up with some kind of nanny soon, I'm gonna have to sell you off to white slave traders. Now I know that's not how you pictured yourself growing up, but hey welcome to the club. Sleep well.

Bailey

[to Charlie] We'll give up whatever we have to to get by and we'll let everyone think you're this great guy just trying to hold his family together, who's like a father to us, even if we know it's a lie.

Bailey

Oh, uh, Nana died in 86, same year as Grandma Jane. Papa was like in 89.

Bailey

(on message machine) Hi, you've reached the Salingers, if we're not around, you know what to do.

Bailey

[to Charlie, about feminine products]: Do you have any idea what wings are?

Bailey

[about his AA meetings and the man who killed their parents] They're all the same. Everybody sits around and talks about how you have to believe in a higher power. You have to surrender yourself to God. It's written in the first couple of steps, and when has God ever taken care of us? We're sitting here without Mom and Dad! Come on! Walter Alcott is living proof that there's no way there's a God.

Bailey

How long am I gonna be persona au gratin?

Bailey

[to Sarah] Besides I told you you shouldn't live with me out of fear. And you're not living with me out of fear. You're living with me out of desperation.

Bailey

Hey, can I have some of your milk? I know I still owe the cookie jar, but if I have to eat my corn flakes with root beer again...

Bailey

You don't get to choose, you just fall, and then you have this person, this weird person, who's all wrong and all right at the same time.

Bailey

That restaurant needs you Charlie. Everyone there is like, "How can we radiate him faster. Can we pop him in the microwave or something?"

Bailey

I'm really tired of being the guy who just....no sweat, bring it on. I can handle it. I can handle everything. Because you know what? I can't. I can't handle everything. It's easier to just....not.

Bailey

Mr. Optimism here is working on his will. Just so you know - I was about to say, dibs on Owen; you can have Claudia.

Bailey

What kind of nimrod calls a food product "gorp"? Is that supposed to be appetizing? I might as well name it "zard" or "quiff". How bout "barf" could be a better name than-- Hey! Charlie.

Bailey

I want you to know that if we were gonna have a baby, any way, at any time, then I would love that baby, and I would protect it and I would want it. I would, no matter what.