Charlie Salinger quotes from Party of Five

Charlie

So, how many?

Claudia

A couple....a few....some....six.

Charlie

Six? Six cavities? That's, like, 20% of your teeth, Claud!

Charlie

You are NOT doing this to me anymore, have you got that? When I tell you to do something, you say 'Yes, Charlie,' 'Thank you, Charlie', and you DO IT! You obey me, and you treat me with respect, or I swear to God...

Claudia

WHAT? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna take away from me next?

Charlie

That is not what's going on!

Claudia

And in front of all my friends? Forget it! Why do you get to boss me around?

Charlie

Cut it out, Claudia!

Claudia

You never listen to a thing I say!

Charlie

I don't wanna hear this...

Claudia

Why do I have to listen to you?

Charlie

Because I am the father around here!

Claudia

I don't care!

Charlie

God! [raises hand to hit her, quickly stops himself]

Claudia

Some father.

Charlie

Claudia, go to your tent!

Claudia

I'm eating an apple.

Charlie

[doesn't look up] Yeah, well, good for you.

Claudia

It's really delicious. I'm really enjoying it. I'm going to be eating lots of them from now on, broccoli too.

Charlie

Have you seen the checkbook?

Claudia

I'm sorry, Charlie.

Charlie

Yeah, well, just help me look for it.

Claudia

No, I mean...I'm sorry about before. You know, with the sleepover. You got so mad...I didn't think it would make you that mad. You almost hit me...

Charlie

I don't want to talk about that, OK?

Claudia

But I...

Charlie

OK?

Charlie

How many is a lot?

Claudia

A couple....a few....some....six.

Charlie

Six? Six cavities? That's, like, 20% of your teeth, Claud! You eat way too much sugar, that's the problem.

Claudia

I do not!

Charlie

Yes, you do! Why don't you have a nice piece of fruit when you get home from school?

Claudia

Why don't you get a haircut?

Charlie

I'm serious, Claud, when was the last time you had a vegetable?

Claudia

When was the last time you put down the toilet seat?

Charlie

Okay. That is it. I'm getting rid of the sugar cereals.

Claudia

What?

Charlie

We'll get that sugar-free granola stuff, and you can have some raisins and maybe an orange juice bar when you come home from school.

Claudia

Wait a sec. Raisins. Raisins, is that a joke?

Charlie

Do you see me laughing? 6 cavities is completely insane. You'll have enough silver to set off the alarms at the airport. Yeah? Okay, fine. Savour it. It's the last one you're getting for a long time.

Claudia

Broccoli? Yuck. I don't like broccoli. You know I don't like it, I never liked it.

Charlie

Try it again. Maybe you'll like it this time.

Claudia

What's that suppose to mean? Parents say that to kids all the time, it just doesn't make sense. Why would I suddenly like something I've hated my whole life? Are you some sort of cooking genius, or has my taste changed overnight? I don't think so.

Charlie

We'll sit here until you finish eating the broccoli.

Claudia

I can't believe you throw out everything we have over a stupid plate of vegetables. I hate you now, you know that. I'll probably hate you forever.

Charlie

Eat.

Charlie

Don't you dare.

Claudia

What are you going to do? Tackle me, throw me to the ground, lock me in my room?

Charlie

For God's sales, Claudia. I'm warning you.

Claudia

I'm done with dinner.

Charlie

Ok, that's it. No more TV. The set is not going on, not for a single second for the rest of the month. You lose, Claud.

Bailey

I can't love anymore, it's too hard. So I'm not going to love anyone, and I don't want anyone to love me.

Charlie

That's too bad... you don't have a choice... because I love you, Bailey. I love you, man.

Charlie

Bailey, what the hell do you think you're doing?

Bailey

What?

Charlie

Driving drunk?

Bailey

I am not-- (then looks at Will) What, did you tattle on me, man?

Charlie

You stupid, stupid son of a bitch! What are you thinking about? Like every day in this house doesn't say to you, you do not drink and then get behind the wheel.

Bailey

Okay.

Charlie

Like you need to be told.

Bailey

Okay! Fine. You made your point.

Charlie

Closing up!

Bailey

Tell your folks to start feeding you again, Will. It's your last free meal. Joe fired me today. Said there were only four days left to the only summer before the only senior year I'd ever have, and I should enjoy myself.

Charlie

You know, Claud, when the doctor says there's a 98 percent chance you're gonna be fine, that's a good sign.

Claudia

I know.

Charlie

Well, if you know, then what's the problem?

Claudia

What if it's that 2 percent?

Charlie

It won't be. That's what 2 percent means.

Claudia

No, that's what zero percent means.

Charlie

I know you feel alone in this, Julia, but you're not. You're not the first one to ever make this decision. Something like a million women every year--

Julia

I know the statistics, Charlie. Thanks.

Charlie

I went with a girlfriend once to get one. In college.

Julia

You did?

Charlie

Yeah. Debra...Debra...Debra Lots of Bracelets Debra. [laughs] We didn't talk much beforehand about the decision. I mean, it just made sense for both of us. We weren't even 20, and it's not like we were in love with each other or anything. So...I felt really bad about it for a while afterwards, but that feeling...it goes away. You don't carry it around with you forever, Julia. You really don't. I mean, before this happened with you, I hadn't even thought about it in, like, years.

Julia

And what about her?

Charlie

Well...it took a little time, I guess, but yeah. After a while, she was okay.

Julia

So you stayed in touch?

Charlie

Well...no. Not exactly.

Julia

So how do you know that she doesn't still carry this around with her?

Charlie

Can we sit down for a second? (they sit and he takes a deep breath) I want you to know that I think you're a really great person.

Okay...

Charlie

You've been incredibly good to me...I mean, really, really generous. So I want to be fair. That stuff you said last night about us moving forwards and about us not being so casual...the thing is, Kathleen, I like casual. Casual really works for me. Casual is what I thought we were doing here. But I don't know...I guess you're right. We can't be casual forever. And if you're not ready to get serious, well that...that says something. I guess eventually you either fall in love or you don't.

And I'm guessing you're in category B.

Charlie

I'm sorry. Since you've been so honest with me, and I thought that I owed it to you...

[upset] Uh huh. Thank you for being honest. [walks off]

Charlie

You called Joe?

Bailey

Yeah, sorry, we just didn't happen to have $2500 bucks lying around to bail you out. Take him home, Joe, will you? I can't look at him right now.

Charlie

Miss Levin. Boy, I haven't thought about her in years...She always liked me.

Claudia

Yeah? 'Cause when I told her I was your sister, she kinda had to grab hold of the desk and her face got all pale.