You have to treat everybody's views whatever they believe with equal respect don't you?
What? Even idiots?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Ben! Ben, Mum said you have to come downstairs.
But it was him!
Ben, Barack Obama does not drive a number forty-two bus!
He's the leader of the free world. He can do what he wants.
(Watching Houses of Parliament on TV)
How do they decide which laws to make?
Well, they read the Daily Mail...and do what it says.
[Aboard the HMS Belfast]
What does the HMS Belfast have to do with World War Two?
Well, it was an important ship in World War Two that was converted into a museum about World War Two.
So it's all about World War Two?
Well there's a tiny bit about what happened to the ship when it was decommissioned after the war but...
I don't want to see that because I want to win the school prize for best project on World War Two.
What's the prize?
It's a trip to the HMS Belfast.
I was sorting out the computer after it crashed, and I noticed that someone had downloaded an inappropriate image. Was it you?
Well, it could be. Was it the farting nun?
No Ben, it was not the farting nun.
Was it the tree man?
Ben -
Or was it that creepy dude who can lift things up with his mind, that's cool, or is it that evil clown song -
Ben!
Oh, I know! Was it the Pekingese dog on the lawnmower? Because that made me want to throw up.
And anyway, what about those magazines you buy? Those celebrities probably don't want those pictures taken, yet you still go out and buy the magazines.
Well...I don't BUY them. I occasionally pick them up off trains. And bring them home...to recycle.
When professional tennis women play tennis, everytime they hit the ball they go UGGHH! And then they sit down and eat a banana.
I think the world is unfair to women.
Well, absolutely. I think you're right. Often, it is.
Because women can't grow moustaches or beards.
You want to grow a beard?
Well, I might want to be a tugboat captain, or an ayatollah.
When are you going to the hospital so the doctors can put the camera up your bottom?
Erm, Monday. Why?
Well, can you ask if you can keep the film? Only I'd like to take it into class for show and tell.
So your husband's black.
WWoman
Yes.
You're white. So your baby could be black or white?
WWoman
Erm, most likely something in between -
But not stripy?
(Sue has cleaned and tidied the house all day long)
What the hell have you done to my room? It's full of...floor!
BBrick
Hey fella! I'm Brick!
Brick?
BBrick
Yeah, Brick.
Is that a name?
(Sue comes in after Pete tells Ben to get changed after he gets hyper with the water hose, soaking himself)
Why did you let Ben in the garden with the hose? The big no-noes: Ben and water, Ben and fire, Ben and depilatory cream.
Don't play the therapist with me.
Pete.
AAngela
He's one of those guys who thinks that Charltons should become psychotherapists.
Yeah, and Serbian war criminals.
Pete!
BBrick
Whoa, Hugh Grant.
And if you call me Hugh Grant, one more time. I'm going to take your Platinum Visa card. And I'm going to shove it right up your...
(Pete stops mid-sentence to see all the children staring at him. Ben giggles a little bit)
TJTaylor-Jean
I want my mom!
AAngela
It's alright sweetie.
TJTaylor-Jean
No! I want my real mom!
KKelly
I..I'll pop back in a tick. (Kelly quietly walks away.)
Who's that woman with the black thing over her head?
That's the burka, Ben. She wears it because she's a Muslim.
Do boys wear 'em? Because it'd be cool if you were at school 'cos you could like - text under there and you could like, change your pants and nobody would know!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Outnumbered pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.