Sue quotes from Outnumbered

Sue

It's my fault, Veronica. I should never have shown Ben how to reply to an email.

Sue

It's 6:25! How come they actually wake up early on the weekend?

Pete

So Ben sent an email pretending to be you?

Karen

Mum!

Sue

Well, actually -

Karen

Mum!

Sue

She's got nits. I'm halfway through.

Pete

Oh God, it's these parents isn't it? They know their kids have got them and they just merrily pack them off to school.

Sue

(grimacing guiltily) I know.

Pete

Oh no. You're not checking your email.

Sue

There's one from Veronica.

Pete

Especially not one from Veronica.

Sue

Oh no, Veronica. No. I am not having that.

Pete

No, don't reply. That's fatal because then she'll reply and then you'll be tempted to reply to her reply and then you'll get caught up in that Pandora's...circle.

Sue

Is she eating?

Pete

She keeps banging on about how that's not her bowl.

Sue

It's not her bowl, because I broke her bowl this morning and had to drive all the way to Ikea to get her one that's identical but it IS identical.

Pete

Then how does she know it's not her bowl?

Sue

I dunno. She must have...powers!

Karen

I like Auntie Angela.

Sue

That's lovely, sweetheart. Erm, anyway, let's get on with the game.

Karen

That was part of the game.

Karen

Mummy, do you believe in God?

Sue

Mummy's unblocking the sink, darling.

Sue

You mustn't arm wrestle this little girl cos she only looks about three.

Four!

Sue

She's four.

Sue

They didn't say anything on their website about it being flat packed!

Jake

Is some furniture not flat packed, then?

Karen

His name is Bob and he is a builder.

Sue

BO..oh... (thinking) BOB THE BUILDER!

Pete

Did you know he had the knife?

Sue

No, I didn't know he had the knife. Or the fish skeleton. Or the doll's head with the little hermit crab in it.

Karen

How can you not like somebody you've never met?

Sue

Good point, Karen.

Karen

Yes, you should only hate people you know.

Sue

Ye...er...

Karen

Like Miss Braybrook.

Sue

But you love Miss Braybrook! She's the reason you're Christian!

Karen

Not any more, that's all rubbish.

Pete

Rubbish is a bit harsh.

Karen

I don't believe in God anymore, I'm a Satanist.

Pete

I think that's an atheist. Satanists...do things to goats.

Sue

I was sorting out the computer after it crashed, and I noticed that someone had downloaded an inappropriate image. Was it you?

Ben

Well, it could be. Was it the farting nun?

Sue

No Ben, it was not the farting nun.

Ben

Was it the tree man?

Sue

Ben -

Ben

Or was it that creepy dude who can lift things up with his mind, that's cool, or is it that evil clown song -

Sue

Ben!

Ben

Oh, I know! Was it the Pekingese dog on the lawnmower? Because that made me want to throw up.

Jake

And anyway, what about those magazines you buy? Those celebrities probably don't want those pictures taken, yet you still go out and buy the magazines.

Sue

Well...I don't BUY them. I occasionally pick them up off trains. And bring them home...to recycle.

Karen

I think the world is unfair to women.

Sue

Well, absolutely. I think you're right. Often, it is.

Karen

Because women can't grow moustaches or beards.

Sue

You want to grow a beard?

Karen

Well, I might want to be a tugboat captain, or an ayatollah.