Orange Is the New Black · Season 1
Yo, the Spanish bitches are sitting on too many freakin' pillows, making it hard to see and shit. [She throws popcorn at Flaca]
Cállate, choncha. (Shut up, fatass.)
What did you call me?! [Flaca sticks the middle finger at her while other people are shushing at her]
Hey, what y'all playing?
Nothing.
A game as old as time.
Oh yeah? What's it called?
Exclusion.
Cool. How d'you play it?
I was arrogant. It's a classic story of hubris. I'm like Icarus whose wings melted before he could fuck the sun.
Behind every strong man is a strong cunt-faced bitch monster.
It's like getting into a bath but the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And the Smiths are playing 'There is a Light that Never Goes Out'. There's warm lighting all over and there are like five dudes massaging you.
And you have a pizza.
She's right. And you also have a pizza.
Cause if I'm Hillary Clinton, then y'all must be some sister-wife, tweaker, Slurpee-drinking, fourth-grade reading level, daddy-on-Cops trailer trash nothing.
You show up at my house like fucking Squiggy with a hard-on. Maybe next time you decide some deranged declaration of love to an emotional zombie with a blocked milk duct and a husband who recently purchased an Aleutian hunting spear, you could consider calling first?
Okay, look, Polly, I'm spiraling out okay? I am. I, I , I... You know, you have this idea of what your life is...
No, I can't do this, Larry!
Okay.
I'm serious. It's just stupid.
I know.
I mean, yes we were friends before we even started dating Pete and Piper. And yes, you drove me to the hospital when I was in labor and handled all the paperwork and the nurses. And yes, you were the only one there for me when my husband checked out of fatherhood so he could go on a month-long mission of self-exploration, and you're funny, but also boring in all the right ways, and... What the hell am I saying? Just fuck me.
The doctor recommends a bilateral salpingo-oopherectomy.
Who doesn't love a surgery with 'ooph' in it?
I always pictured myself going out in a blaze of glory. Hail of gunfire, screech of tires. But this kind of death, this slow, invisible disappearing into nothing, it's terrifying.
My father had a lung transplant that didn't take. We hadn't spoken since I transitioned. He was a real hard-ass. But in the end, he started asking for me. He even used my new name, Sophia. People get soft, you know, when they dying. If I could've seen him, I don't know...may have felt like closure. But we don't get a lot of that in this life now, do we?
Yes, I am white! We have established that. And I got furlough, too. I guess white privilege wins again. And as a speaker for the entire white race, I would like to say I am sorry that you guys got the raw deal, but I love my fucking grandmother. And, yeah yeah, she may be a whitey, too but she's a fucking person and she's sick and she needs me! So shut the fuck up! It's not my problem.
You know, another layer of icing on a shit cake doesn't make it taste good.
Larry, when was the last time you got to cum in a real live vagina instead of your hand?
MENDEZ IS BACK, BITCHES!
Do you hate me?
No, I don't hate you. Well, it is getting clearer every second that you're totally bat-shit crazy, but you're a beautiful, sweet girl. Fuck this guy. So many people are gonna love you.
No. No, nobody's gonna love me.
I do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Orange Is the New Black pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
