This time next year, we'll be millionaires!
You said that this time last year!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
As dear old Mum used to say, "It's better to know you've lost than not to know you've won." Dear old Mum... she used to say some bloody stupid things.
I'm not a ruthless mercenary. Who is it that goes around the estate every Christmas time, making sure all the old people have got enough to eat and drink?
Yeah, and who was it, during the Brixton riot, that drove down in the van, selling paving stones to the rioters? I mean, what did you think they were going to do with them, eh? All run off home and start building patios?
Mine is not to reason why, mine is to sell and buy.
[Del and Rodney are in the flat, discussing the British response to a World War III.]
And what have we got in this country to combat the might of the Soviet Union? Three Jump Jets and a strongly worded letter to the Russian ambassador.
I'd never wear a British uniform on principle.
What principle?
Well, on the principle that the Russians might shoot at it.
[Del and Rodney have just been stopped by a police officer during their attempt to beat the four minute warning to get to Grandad's allotment. The police officer has just walked off.]
How are we doing for time Rodney?
(looking at his watch) Erm, we died 45 seconds ago.
I don't know why they have these drug addiction centres. Aren't there enough drug addicts about as it is? Without them recruiting them.
(to Rodney, in the Monte Carlo Club) I've heard your line of patter my son. If they don't know Adam Ant's birthday or the Chelsea result it's goodnight Vienna, innit?
Now here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna leave the club.
Leave?
Yeah. And you wait a couple of minutes right? And then you'll come back saying that there's a brand new Rolls Royce Corniche obstructing your three wheeled van.
[Grandad is insulted by Rodney's lack of respect for the Trotter family honour]
You've always been a bad 'un, Rodney.
What, 'cos I didn't wear a crash helmet?
I mean smoking mari-jew-arna!
(after Rodney goes on a date with a policewoman) One minute you're walking along quite nicely, and the next minute... Whack! Life jumps out and gives you sobering thoughts.
Oh, I've had a lot of sobering thoughts in my time, Del Boy. It were them that started me drinking.
Yeah, I can understand that. The boy's grown into a man. I don't, I don't feel as needed as I used to be. Soon he'll, he'll fly the nest! But you know what the most sobering thought of the lot is? One wrong word from that plonker Rodney and I could end up doing five years!
(to Sandra) Rodney's got a police record!
That's right, it's "Walking on the Moon"!
SSandra
Now, what do you think my commanding officer would do if he found me in possession of stolen property?
Put you in charge of the Christmas Club more like.
SSandra
I'll give you 24 hours breathing space time to shall we say spring clean your flat and after that I'm coming round with the CID, That's 24 hours Rodney.
Reminds me of that Gene Pitney song you know "24 Hours from Dartmoor".
[At Trigger's grandad's funeral]
You knew my granddad, Arthur, didn't you?
GGranddad
Oh yeah, I knew Arthur alright.
He was a smashing man. He took care of me after my mum went.
Where was your dad?
He died a couple of years before I was born.
[Rodney nods, then works out what's wrong with that sentence]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Only Fools and Horses pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.