(telling Del what he has just accidentally done in the car on their way home) Del, you know that cigar packet you just gave me... I chucked out the window about a mile and a half back.
[After Del brakes suddenly, another car a Cortina, smashes into the Jaguar he and Rodney are sitting in. The Cortina is driven by the Australian man.]
God! I don't believe it. I just do not believe it! Now look what you've done Rodney, you've smashed up Boycie's E-Type Jaguar.
Don't play bloody word games with me, Rodney! (shouting at the car behind) What's your game pal. What is your game, are you blind or something?
AM Australian Man
I'm very sorry about that mate, but the brakes on this thing are a bit dicky... You! I've been looking for you two flaming Gollahs all day long... Now come here!
What do you mean "won't see us arrive" I want people to see me arrive
In a three wheeled van? Still got no choice have we?
Yes we have. We can take Boycie's E type Jaguar
Are you all right, Del? I thought you was in bother!
That's why it took you an hour and a half to come! Didn't Grandad tell you that I'd called?
Oh yeah, he told me! "Del Boy's been captured by the Indians!" he said. I didn't know whether to call the police or the Texas Rangers!
R Mr. Rahn
(to Del and Rodney) Vimmal Malik has in his possession the one single item that remains of my birthright. It's a simple porcelain statuette of Kuvera. You know who Kuvera is?
You don't know who Kuvera is!
Well he was, er, I don't know.
See what I mean Mr. Rahn, he's got 2 O-Levels and he thinks he's Bamber Gascoigne's vest.
Alright mastermind, who is he?
Kuvera was one of India's Premier Wicket Keepers.
R Mr. Rahn
Kuvera is the Hindu God of Wealth.
V Vimmal
Where's your watch Derek?
It's at the menders, I broke it last night playing you know volleyball.
V Vimmal
I thought you were right-handed.
R Mr. Rahn
If I got into my car at 9:00 in the morning, it'd take me up to 2 in the afternoon to drive around my land.
We had a car like that once.
[Del and Rodney reveal to the waiter in "Rahn's" restaurant that they paid £2000 for the statue]
W Waiter
£2000? Why, you can get them for £17 in Portobello Road! It's amazing how much you can save if you shop around
[Del and Rodney have found out that Vimmal has left London with Mr. Rahn.]
No, he packed his bags and had it away on his toes five minutes after we left! As Macbeth said to Hamlet in A Midsummer Night's Dream : "We've been done up like a couple of kippers."
Get us a packet of pork scratchings, will you?
Pork scratchings! Sounds like a pig with fleas!
P Pauline
You never married yourself, Del?
No, no no, I never fancied myself!
[Rodney is not impressed by Pauline.]
You don't have romantic feelings, you. You just have animal urges. Sometimes I think you've learned the art of seduction by watching Wildlife on One .
Look at that Rodney, she's only had two husbands die on her.
Yeah? One more and she keeps the match ball, don't she?
P Pauline
It used to be your mother's room, Rodney, but it's mine now and I don't want to see you in there. Is that understood?
Jawohl, mein Obergruppenführer! (gives a Nazi salute)
(On the phone) 'Ere, there's someone on the phone. It's Tim.
Tim the Talking Clock. (Rodney takes the phone as Del double checks the note)
Hold a cow! She only phoned the talking clock before she left! And this i-- (turns the note over) Gordon Bennett, this is dated four days ago!
I don't want to worry you, Del, but this Tim's got a funny accent.
(takes the phone and listens. A look of horror crosses his face) She only phoned the talking clock in America!
(taking the phone) You mean we're connected to America? (listens) It's amazing, innit? Hello!!
DR Del & Rodney
HANG IT UP!!
My only worry is, is a 59-seater bus gonna be big enough?
A tandem would be too big!
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Only Fools and Horses pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
