Lea had dinner on the table, and I had dinner in grocery sacks. I'm sorry.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Ooh, I love this scent.
LLea
What is it?
Do you remember what scent this is? [reads label] Ah...oh, it says it's unscented...
What does it mean when you take a really big breath and it hurts? [inhales big] It hurts really bad right here.
It means you shouldn't talk for a day and a half.
Not there.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You'll mess up my cleavage.
Impossible.
Do you remember, right after we got married - I tried to get some in the car and you weren't having it?
Well, no! I wanted my first time to be in a bed. You think I'd wait that long and then go at it in a car? Ew.
Why don't you open the car door for me anymore? At the begining of our marriage, you were so eager to open the door for me.
Because at the beginning of our marriage, I got laid.
Well, I'm gonna take a shower. And wash off everybody's foot jam.
[snickers] Foot- foot jam?
Yeah, I mean, I was in a pool of water all day long that everybody's feet was in.
Isn't it toe jam?
Whatever.
You know what I did in 7th grade history? The history teacher was asking people if they knew all the continents, and I was so excited; I was like, "Damn it, it's the first day of 7th grade, I'm in junior high, and I know this answer!", and I raised my hand; I was the first one, and I said, "A-E-I-O-U!"
Mind you, those aren't even consonants! They're vowels!
[reacting with surprise and shock after Drew tells him that Jessica had just stunk up the bathroom really bad] Jessica-it was Jessica?!
[nods his head with amusement and points to Jessica with his thumb] She's there... [walks away laughing]
Baby, what did you do...? I was-I just thought Drew farted out here... oh my gosh... [he and Jessica head for the bathroom while Jessica giggles in amusement and tries to act innocent] Turn this-there's a fan; turn the fan on!
[not wanting to take responsibility for the smell] But baby, I didn't see any fan in there!
[after inhaling the smell directly at its source] OH MY GOD!!!!! Oh-ho... [Nick and Jessica turn around and quickly head away from the bathroom; Jessica giggles while Nick holds his nose and slams the bathroom door behind them, and then walks back into the foyer while gagging and gasping for air, and then points the finger of shame at Jessica] You should be ashamed of yourself!
[proud of the nasty smell she produced in the bathroom and amused at Nick's reaction to it] I don't feel good.
Obviously, I don't either anymore... [Jessica playfully slaps Nick on his arm] God... [points in the direction of where Drew just went off to] I just thought I asked Drew if he farted; he was like "you sure you didn't?"! [grossed out, embarrassed, and astonished that his wife could produce such an awful smell, he bends over and puts his head down] Mmmmmm...
Open that door and open this one; good God!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.