Jessica Simpson quotes from Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica

Jessica

I take my bag everywhere I go; every single place I go. You know, it's my pet; pet Louis. I don't know, is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?

Jessica

My boobs are in the way, My boobs make a curve.

Jessica Simpson

What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad took one of his friends golfing, and it was, like, one of his first times and he knocked out a duck. Like, I'm scared that's going to happen.

Jessica

I'm not a good tryer-clothers-er-on-er; my stylists hate me; I mean, they love me, of course, but I always complain.

Jessica

Twenty-three is old. It's almost 25, which is almost mid-20s.

Jessica

Lea had dinner on the table, and I had dinner in grocery sacks. I'm sorry.

Jessica

Is this chicken I have or is it fish? I know it's tuna, but it says chicken... by the sea... is that stupid?

Jessica

What?! Don’t make fun of me right now; I’m not in the mood.

Nick

You act like you’ve never had tuna before.

Jessica

I’ve had tuna fish, like, sandwiches and stuff, like this...

Nick

Baby, you and I have eaten tuna like this before.

Jessica

Why is it called "Chicken by the Sea" or "in the Sea"?

Nick

"Chicken of the Sea" is the brand.

Jessica

Oh...

Nick

You know, 'cause a lot of people eat tuna, it's like a lot of people eat chicken? So it's like the chicken of the sea.

Jessica

Okay. I understand now. I was-I read it wrong... [giggles]

Jessica

I just wanna lay here and like watch a movie or something, 'cause I'm so tired...

Nick

There might be a basketball game in a little bit...

Jessica

No, I said watch a movie.

Nick

There might be a basketball game in a little bit...

Jessica

No, I said watch a movie.

Nick

That's like a movie...

It can't be.

Jessica

Mm-Mm.

Nick

There's all kinds of drama in basketball...

Jessica

Well, I mean-I mean, if Teen Wolf was on, I'd watch that.

Nick

Well, you can watch a movie, I'll go next door with the dancers, and we'll watch basketball.

Ohhhhh, ohhhhh, ohhhhh, that's so good!

Nick

They love watching basketball with me.

Jessica

I have bubbles in my tummy, I think. I need to stretch.

Oh, so you're gonna go in the tent and fart, is that what you're saying?

Jessica

No, it's just air, it's not stink.

Right, right, right.

Jessica

Promise.

Drew

I tried that one all the time.

Jessica

I'm not gonna hit anybody, right? Alright, let's get out of here. [tries to open the garage door with the remote, but it won't move] Again? Why is my thing... [tries again] Oh, please!

It was doing this the other day, wasn't it?

Jessica

[continuing to struggle with her garage door remote after the door goes up and then down] What? That was weird...

Jessica

Isn't it plat-a-ma-pus, or is it platypus?

Nick

It's not a plat-a-ma-pus, it's a platypus.

Jessica

Oh, I always thought it was a platypus; I always thought it was plat-a-ma-pus.

Nick

That's something else.

Jessica

I got a platypus!

Drew

Ugh, aw, oh...

Jessica

He had gas issues all over the place...

They all had gas issues...

Drew

Oh, Eric, you stink! You're a rotten-aw man, you...

Jessica

I'm think I need to go... drop some kids into the pool.

Oh, come on, you know some of us are still trying to eat. The pool's closed. It's adult swim.

Jessica

I'll give 'em an adult.

Jessica

They have holes in their heads?

Yes, they do!

[referring to the buffalo wings on the table] Try these?

Jessica

I don't eat buffalo.

It's not buffalo, you idiot! Oh my god...

Jessica

It's not?

No, it's chicken!

Jessica

Well, it's-then, why do they call it buffalo wings?

Nick

Baby, come on, you know it.

Jessica

I don't know this!

Drew

'Cause barbecue wings started in Buffalo, or something like that... You don't find it weird that buffaloes don't have wings?

Jessica

Never thought about it.