[in Mexico] Jess, I got this. I know how to handle these people. [hands front desk clerk money]
FDFront Desk Clerk
Is this for me?
That's for you to send your kids to college, or for you to send some fun up your nose.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[to Cece] So I've been thinking a lot about it, and... I'd really like to start calling you "shorty" in public.
No sig oths.
C|Cece
Just say "significant others."
Maybe you have that kind of time, but I'm on a tight schedj.
Are you dating Cece?
I'm dating Cece.
Are you dating Elizabeth?
Yes.
How do you do that?
They made me choose.
You have to choose! You can't have both women!
What was I supposed to do?
[shouting] You think you can have a bunch of wives? You get one wife! This is the way the world works!
[shouting] Why?
I don't know.
Do you know how I broke up with Elizabeth so I could start dating CeCe again?
Absolutely, that was really hard for you.
Yeah. That actually never happened.
What do you mean?
I'm still dating Elizabeth.
What do you mean?
I'm dating both of them and neither one of them knows it and I feel terrible about it.
But Elizabeth is gone.
She's...
What do you mean?
She's not gone.
So you broke up with CeCe...
I didn't break up with either one of them.
What do you mean?
You process this however you need to process this. If you want me to keep talking...
Which one are you dating?
Both.
I really like when a rap song uses a choir. It makes me feel really happy with all those ladies' voices coming and then the guy's rapping. I think it's awesome.
[about Schmidt] After he saw the movie Titanic, he started the Billy Zane fan club.
What?
Look it up. They're called the Zaniacs.
Why does that make me angrier than anything he's ever done?
[indicates head to heart] I think I'm way too up here, all upstairs. Got to bring it down, here to here. Not any lower, though. It's not like that.
Did you hear the joke about the two black and the two white guys who walked into a police station? The two white guys came out.
Men, hunting! Women, foragers.
I'm not hunting. The only Hunt I want is Bonnie or Helen. You know what I'm talking about, Coach.
Well you have found my flabbergast button, and guess what, you pressed it.
I'm gonna make a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, "Ew. Why do you say moist? I hate that word." I'm gonna be like, "Just taste the cake." And they're gonna be like, "Damn, it's moist!"
PPrince
Anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for.
Nick, I never thought I'd say this, but I need to be alone with Prince.
[at the deposition representing Schmidt] Well, we wanted to let you know that the entire firm is standing behind you. Besides, whether I sit in my office or in here, it's all billable, am I right, gentlemen?
[they laugh]
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