My koala claws, now that's a pogo!
At least you can hide your pogo in a shoe.
They make shoes for your penis—they're called pants!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[wearing a woman's coat that was accidentally delivered to their apartment] This coat has clean lines... and pockets that don't quit.
And it has room for your hips.
And when I wear it, I feel hot to trot.
You're wearing a dress.
Yeah, don't say "hot to trot."
My coat makes me say things like that!
Damn it! I've been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pull on a hot summer's day.
Nick kissed me.
Whaaaaaaaaaa...?!
[to Nick] I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!
[to Nick] You can't escape destiny! She comes for us all, that relentless bitch! [turns to Schmidt] That's right. Destiny's a lady.
Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis. Direct quote, Scott Caan.
[to Schmidt] I used my body. Is that what you wanna hear? I shook what the good people of Oregon gave me, and I got a parking space.
It's so weird to think that Nick is the last person I kissed. Actually, Schmidt's the last person I kissed.
Okay, what?
It was nothing. Nick was watching.
What is happening in this loft?
[Jess and Winston are vying for the attention of a football player]
I know all about sports. Jess, you know nothing about sports.
Oh, what am I gonna do? I guess I'll just have to use my eyes, hair, boobs, legs, and adorable personality. [chuckles] Fool.
I got, like, three of those things.
Schmidt, that is melon-flavored liquor. It's 4-proof, okay? That is safe to drink while you're pregnant.
Melon balls.
Schmidt, no matter how much you get drunk, Cece's still gonna be engaged.
Cece?
Now, I know you're down about it.
I'm not down about Cece.
This is— this is a mess.
Listen, there are plenty of things to be down about: the air pollution in China, the deficit, The Hobbit wasn't very good. If I wanna see dwarves in a real-time dinner scene, I would've gone to Koreatown. Booyah! Ball me!
Ball you?
[reading Nick's hardware store list] Long-shafted... drive drill? New nut wrench?
Our old nut wrench is bad.
Quick-hardening... caulk.
You don't wanna wait forever for that caulk to harden.
Lube for... drill shaft.
I want you to know, I really did love Walt.
He was my dad.
Yea, but he did love me more than he loved you. He told me that.
Yeah, he told me that too actually.
MMysteria
[to Winston while dancing, about a crying Nick] What's wrong with your friend?
He's a virgin.
MMysteria
Aren't you a virgin, too?
Only the penis baby, only the penis.
Bros ever before the ho!
Anybody have a jar?
Cece and I, we have this connection. You know, it's physical... it's unhealthy. Look, I don't want to get too graphic with you, but I'm not just the plug with her. I'm also a socket.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's New Girl pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.