TV show quotes
[holds up the memory chip from a digital camera] Essentially, all we have to do is find something the size of this, inside a Humvee packed with $22 million worth of electronics?
Pretty much.
[drops the chip in Abby's pocket] We're screwed.
That is an excellent point.
[holds up the memory card from a digital camera] So what you're saying, for example, is we need to find something this small in a Humvee jammed with $22 million worth of electronics?
Pretty much.
[drops the chip in Abby's pocket] We're screwed.
That is an excellent point.
All right, but even if I get in, all I can tell you is stuff like oil pressure and fuel levels. Navigation, external sensors, that's all handled by scientists. [logs in to his monitoring program] All right, I'm in. Now what?
Just sit back and let the scientists....
...Kick all kinds of major ass.
Did you hear that, Tony? McGee just said he's not secretive!
Hm, let's see. Wrote a novel.
Didn't tell us.
Got it published.
Didn't tell us.
Made substantial amounts of money from said novel.
Didn't tell us.
Anything else?
Bought a Porsche.
Didn't tell us. Can you see how people might begin to see a pattern of secretive behavior here, Probie?
Okay look, I might have been hiding stuff, but it wasn't sneaky, it was just...
Deceptive.
Sneaky.
Self-preservation. If I told you guys I was writing a novel, you would have laughed at me.
True.
True.
You're a Jew.
Yes.
Israeli? Mossad, then.
I'm working with NCIS.
So, yes. So now I'm as suspicious of you as you are of me. Is it always going to be this way?
At least in our lifetime.
[Deputy Tyler Barrett walks in.]
Oh, cozy.
Can I help you?
[to Tariq] You know, couple of more inches to your right and our "martyr" here could've been living it up with all those vestal virgins. (chuckles) You know, it truly is a screwed-up religion where you got to blow yourself up just to get lucky.
[Ziva twists his arm behind his back, hard.]
OW!
When you insult his religion, you insult mine and your own. Tell him you're sorry.
(quietly) Sorry. (she twists harder) AH!
I don't think he heard you.
I'm sorry!
Apology accepted.
(walking in) There a problem?
I was telling the deputy here where the bathroom was.
Give me some good news Abby.
I'm not pregnant.
Morse code is a dying art.
It was for him.
[Gibbs and Mann kiss in her bedroom.]
Before we do this, I just need to know one thing. How did you get the damn boat out of your basement?
[Gibbs and the team pull up at an internet cafe]
I got a bad feeling about this. [looks at McGee] We let the Elf Lord go in and we may never get him out.
Getting old Tony.
Tony, you and Ziva take the back. Elf Lord, you're with me.
So this is the guy Ziva was drooling on.
I wasn't drooling!
At least I saw you undressing him with your bedroom eyes.
At least I'm not the one asking him if he waxed his eyebrows.
You were supposed to keep Mister Harrow under surveillance, not chase him into a coronary!
Director, once he made us, we had to take him into custody, didn't we?
No, the Director's right. We could of let Haro escape. If he sold ARES, we could of caught "Black Rose" or "La Grenouille" selling it to Iran!
Don't be cute, Officer David! I'm saying there had to be a better way! Right Tony? [Jenny glares at Tony for some support]
Uh, that's right Director. They could've -
- Shot him.
That's right, they could have shot him.
Of course, in high octane situation, Ziva reverts to her Mossad training and probably would've put a round through his heart.
Three rounds...
And McGee, not to be outdone, would've -
- Added three more rounds.
Gibbs...
See, there you go. Six rounds, same result. One dead Mister Harrow.
[Ducky walks over to the group]
I signed for the body. Cause of death was most likely a - [noticing Jenny glaring at Gibbs] Am I interrupting?
Not at all, Doctor. We were just discussing the various ways NCIS could have killed Mister Harrow besides chasing him to death!
I am interrupting... [Turns around and starts to walk away]
Doctor! [Ducky turns back] Death was most likely caused by?
Myocardial Infarction. It was probably brought on by a combination of a high fat Western diet, little exercise, and the mistaken belief he could run up all those stairs. Rigorous for most - rigor mortis for him.
Anything else?
Well, not until I do the - [Jenny glares at Gibbs and then hurries off] - autopsy.
That's Ares?
According to McGeek. Ziva watch the road!
I have great peripheral vision.
My sphincter doesn't.
At least we won't have trouble finding it.
Really?
Tony, it's the size of an ATM!
Will you tell me her name if I find the pirate's copy of ARES?
Pirated copy.
That's what I said.
No, you said pirate's copy. A pirate is a person like 'Captain Jack Sparrow'. A pirated copy...
Who is 'Jack Sparrow'?
Johnny Depp.
He's a pirate?
No, he's an actor.
Oh.
How did we get here?
I drove.
This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needle stack
Needle in a haystack.
I like my description better.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
