Tony: I knew this girl once. She squeaked. She made this little squeaking...
Kate: Tony! You want to tell Ducky that story?
Gibbs: He's heard it. We all have.

Tony: I sure wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall up there. [Ziva looks confused] Never mind.

Tony: I thought you said 27.000 kills.
McGee: 28.000 kills.
Tony: But you said yesterday 27.000 kills!
McGee: Well, that was yesterday.
Tony: You kill a thousand people a day?
McGee: I was hot. I was super hot. I was cappin' fools!
Tony: It's not a cause for pride, McGee! It's a cause for concern!

Tony: I'll just stand here with my gun.

Tony: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say serial killer.
Ziva: [laughs] A limb. Nice!
Tony: Can I give you a hand? These are terrible jokes...

Tony: I'm telling you, Ryan was there.
Ziva: So what if she was? I was happy to gossip when things were just getting started, but now that they are a couple I think we should just back off.
Tony: How are you not interested in other people's private lives?

Tony: I've always thought that the head slaps were sign of affection. Today in the squad room I was expecting one and I didn't get it. Are you pissed at me?
Gibbs: Rule number twelve.
Tony: Never date a co-worker. [laughs] Yeah, I know. She's pretty great, though. E.J. and I have a lot in common. She's easy to be with. It's nice having someone to talk to. NCIS doesn't have any policy against it. I mean, there are married agents, and technically E.J. and I don't work together. We're on separate teams.
Gibbs: My team. My rules. [ignores phone call from Abby] Sleeping with Barrett is a bad idea.
Tony: No offense, but my personal life is my business.
Gibbs: It's going to effect your work.
Tony: No, it won't.
Gibbs: It already has.
Tony: I know what you're thinking: that I've lost focus, that I've taken my eye off the ball.
Gibbs: I depend on you.

Tony: I've heard the saying "he got blown out of his shoes", but I never thought I'd see it.
Ducky: Now if the explosion had knocked his socks off, that would be impressive, wouldn't it?

Tony: In a topsy-turvy world where nothing is as it seems, the one place you can turn to is the wall! [slaps his hands on the NCIS Most Wanted wall]
Ziva: We ran his prints. The coma man is indeed Jonathan Siravo.
Tony: Yes. The master of pirates can't change his diapers, but running an international crime syndicate?! That he can do in his sleep! [glares] You lied to me, wall!

Tony: It is perfect for s'mores.
McGee: I never liked s'mores.
Tony: What are you talking about? What's not to like? You've got your chocolate, graham crackers, gooey marshmellows. What kind of boy scout are you?
McGee: I'm a Webelos, actually.
Tony: Well, zip up Webelos, your inner geek is showing.

Tony: It's a remote control receiver?
McGee: Yes, it is.
Ziva: What is the range?
McGee: Almost a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?

Tony: It's in your blood isn't it.
Ziva: What is?
Tony: Your thinking of how your gonna get him. Maybe some intense mind games followed by sheer force [Locks the women door] Go for the the jugular or the slow kill your a dangerous woman.
Ziva: Who am I getting Agent Dunham
Tony: Why would you want Dunham thought we were talking about Pak Su Ji
Ziva: Dunham is from Texas. I like Texas what is that saying anyway umm, he cleans up nice.
Tony: Not that nice I thought he was kinda creepy.
Ziva: Oh, come on stop being such a big brother he's a field agent a nomad I've had enogh of that in my life I came to seelt down to make a home for myself the last thing I need is a Chad Dunham.
Tony: Mmm
Ziva: However.
Tony: What?
[Ziva laughs then they both laugh]

Tony: It's like I said, it's always the maid.
Ziva: No. You have said it is always the janitor, or the butler, or anyone assigned to work in Abby's lab, but you have never once said maid.
Tony: Anyone ever tell you that your memory can be a real buzz kill?
[...]
Tony: Who do you think she's working for? Chinese? Russians?
Ziva: Cubans. After all, she is Cuban.
Tony: That's way too obvious. Haven't I taught you anything?

Tony: It's like looking for a needle in a haystack!
Ziva: Why would anyone leave a needle in a stack of hay anyway?
Tony: Oh, Lord.

Tony: It's not as bad as it looks. It's actually an ancient form of meditation, it's a good thing.
Prince Sayed: Agent Gibbs, have you had breakfast?
Gibbs: (takes Tony's hat) Party's over. (hits Tony on the head with the hat several times)
Tony: Ow, ow,ow,ow,ow!
Gibbs: Explain!