[At the 4-H cow show, the judge announces the winner.]
Well! The champion's blue ribbon goes to a girl!
CACrow [as Narrator]
The cows are furious!
S6Code Name: Diamond Head
[As the short ends]
Too soon, the rides are over.
CACrow [as Narrator]
The lawsuts begin.
And too soon, all the fun comes to an end.
. . .
CACrow [as one of the Olsons]
You spent your nickel, we're done.
Code Name: Diamond Head (movie)
[Over a pristine shot of Hawaiian beach...]
CCrow
Well, this is a very nice place, I can see why families would want to--
[A man suddenly pops his head up into frame and starts singing.]
MSMike, Servo, & Crow
AAAAAAAAH!
This is so almost Mitchell.
CCrow
It's about fifty pounds short of Mitchell.
[Magic Voice and Cambot present to Crow and Servo a hypothetical vision of what life on the Satellite would be like if Mike wasn't nice]
[to Crow and Servo; dressed like and acting like a strict Boy Scout chief] I suppose you think you're bein' a smart aleck, don't you mister? Well, I'll tell you something; I'll wipe that smile right off your face!
CCrow
Hey; we were just reading-
[hits Crow with a magazine he confiscated from him] Shut your pie hole! I know a thing or two about a thing or two; I'm not gonna take any lip from you two, I'll tell you that right now!
But we didn't- [gets hit by Mike and starts crying]
I'm not gonna raise any sissies around here; you guys got it easy! Look at this (soda) pop; is it done? Look at it! [jams the soda cans into Servo's and Crow's faces] Now that's a done pop!
[unnerved, from outside the monitor simulation] Okay, Cambot; we've seen enough!
CCrow
Turn it off; TURN IT OFF!!!
S6The Skydivers
[Over the title screen]
CCrow
Because you're bad at math?
No students' arms were harmed in the making of this film.
[The short is a Centron production.]
Thank you, Centron!
[We are brought to a dull and rather gloomy industrial arts course in progress.]
CCrow
[after several seconds of silence] Depressed yet?
JVJoe [voiceover]
You know, it's fun to have an idea.
MAMike [as Joe]
There, wasn't that fun?
[In voiceover, industrial arts nerd Joe talks about his beloved craft.]
JJoe
And you know, I like the feel of a board moving smoothly against a sharp saw.
MAMike [as Joe]
[luridly] ...then I thrust the nail into the soft, yielding wood...
JJoe
I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust...
SAServo [as Joe]
[nervously] I put them in my underwear!
JJoe
...the bright glare of a welder...
CACrow [as Joe]
[wobbily] I like to sneak in and lay on the table saw!
SAServo [as Joe]
Yes!
JJoe
...the sharp whine of the power tools…
MAMike [as Joe]
...the piercing scream of a freshman…
JJoe
...or the dull tap-tap of tools on leather.
CACrow [as Joe]
[wobbily] Tap ta-tap-tap... I keep Popular Mechanics under my mattress!
The feeling of chaps with no pants!
JJoe
...A wrench...
Let it go, man! Shop class was a long time ago! It's OVER!
JJoe
...A plane...
CACrow [as Joe]
[haltingly] These tools are my friends!
JJoe
...or a chisel...
What about girls young man? Girls?
No, no, chisels!
JJoe
Of course, I don't know if I'd ever tell my buddies all this. 'Cuz, well, sometimes they laugh when you tell them things like that.
CACrow [as Joe]
Then they pants you and drag you around the track…
[Joe's buddy admires a piece of Joe's handywork.]
JSJoe's buddy
Wow, you made this?
MAMike [as Joe]
I'm making it for the Grand Wizard.
JSJoe's buddy
Ya know, this looks as good as furniture you'd buy in a store.
JJoe
It ought to, it's taken me long enough to make it.
JSJoe's buddy
Kinda slow, huh?
JJoe
Yeah, but I've learned after making this one that I can probably make another in about half the time.
CACrow [as Joe]
Still, your Mexicans do it real cheap.
JSJoe's buddy
How'd ya like this shop class, Joe?
JJoe
I like it swell. Why?
[Scene cuts to Joe's big eared buddy]
SAServo [as Joe's buddy]
Could you staple my ears back?
[Mr. Barnes is in the middle of explaining the importance of taking an industrial arts course to Joe. However, his speech is monotonous, and he speaks haltingly.]
BMr. Barnes
[We'll need] carpenters.
SAServo [as Mr. Barnes]
[woodenly] We'll need actors. People who can read. Lines with... and interact with others.
. . .
[Mr. Barnes continues explaining over a shot of the inside of a foundry.]
BMr. Barnes
[We'll need] foundry men.
[singing] Oh, you never would believe where those Keebler cookies come from...
BMr. Barnes
Tool operators.
CSCrow, Servo
[singing] Tool operator . . . tooooooool operator . . .
[As the short ends]
CCrow
This is the film the boys had to watch and the girls had to go to the gym and watch the other film!
The Skydivers (movie)
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