CCrow
[indignantly] I don't like the villain!
S6Bloodlust!
[Balleau finally meets his end after being impaled on one of his trophy stands.]
Now, see, if earlier in the film this guy had said "I'll never be impaled on my own rack", then this would be ironic.
[of Pearl Forrester's influence on Clay] Now I understand why he's so sick! Boy, I'm tempted to call her something that rhymes with 'bitch'! Oh, I mean 'witch'!
She said the word! Gypsy's in trouble; Gypsy's in trouble!
S6Code Name: Diamond Head
[The opening title and copyright information only appear for a few seconds.]
CCrow
Hey, I didn't finish!
[At the very beginning of the short]
This is the fairground, where the fair is held.
Any questions so far?
[The Olson family loads their truck for the county fair.]
Into the truck goes one of the calves that Johnny Olson has raised.
SAServo [as Narrator/Barker]
Tell us what they've won, Johnny Olson! [N]
Johnny goes first to see the fish.
CACrow [as Johnny]
I like fish...
Say, these bass would make good fishing! If only they were in the creek back home.
Well, see, they were in the creek, but they've been caught and that's why they're here.
[Bob and Johnny are examining a collection of moths on display at the fairgrounds]
CACrow [as Narrator]
Later, these moths turn up in the mouths of Bob's victims!
[Showing a collection of pickle jars]
Pickles pack the stands for the pickle races!
[The short cuts to a new scene]
What's this?
CCrow
EVIL!
[A matronly judge unenthusiastically samples a cake.]
Judging cakes oughta be fun.
SAServo [as Narrator]
… but this woman sucks the joy out of it!
[The stern-looking judge closely examines a cake.]
First, she feels the cake...
CACrow [as Narrator]
...then she rubs it into her hair...
[As the Olsens go to have lunch...]
MAMike [as Mr. Olsen]
Let's go eat something gray.
[The Narrator talks about lunchtime at the fair over footage of children eating, including a noticeably obese boy chowing down on a foot-long hot dog.]
SAServo [as Narrator]
Watch the boy on the left. His heart's about to explode! Waaait...
. . .
Over at the 4-H Booth, they get fried chicken with all the trimmings!
CCrow
[confused] What, tinsel, little lights?
This is an actual 4-H feeding frenzy.
. . .
Other fairgoers like to picnic on the grass like this.
MAMike [as Narrator]
Grazing in the grass is a gas. Baby, can you dig it?
[Bob Olson examines a jet plane.]
Bob still has lots to see. This is a jet plane.
SAServo [as Bob]
Where's the corn go?
Wonder what it would be like to fly it?
MAMike [as Narrator]
...over Cambodia, secretly maintaining plausible deniability. [N]
[Harness races at the grandstand]
CACrow [as horse]
Get the car! There's carrots in the car!
SAServo [as horse]
Carrots? I love carrots!
. . .
A wheel slices into the crowd, killing three!
CCrow
[quietly, as if off in distance] Aiieee...
Still, nothing measures up to those bass, huh?
. . .
They're into the curb.
And they're into jazz.
CACrow [as boy]
Come on, you chunk of dog food, I got a year's allowance on ya!
. . .
[One horse is way behind.]
MAMike [as horse]
Uh, hey guys, wait up!
. . .
The race is over.
CCrow
And The Oak Ridge Boys take the stage.
Mike [singing as The Oak Ridge Boys] Elvira...
[Fade to the next scene]
SAServo [as Bob]
Dad, I owe Big Lenny 42 large!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.