[Mike notices a sign that says "Gifts From Germany."]
Mike: Gifts From Germany? What's that? Braunschweiger, cars with heaters that don't work, and identification papers?

[Mike notices something inscribed on the side of a plane's cockpit.]
Mike: "Lt. Hebe"? Look at that...
Servo: It says "Lift Here".
Mike: Oh.

[Mike's encyclopedia is a bit behind the times.]
Crow: It lists Hitler as a "fairly stable veteran of the Great War."
Mike: Oh, come on, they're not that old. They're fine.
Servo: Oh yeah? It mentions the lightbulb as a "charming theory."
Crow: Yeah! And Congress is spelled with an "f." What is it, Congriff?
Mike: Well, I used them when I was a kid. [Blows dust off a volume] They seemed fine then.
Crow: The periodic table has three elements in it, Mike!
Servo: There's a volume for the letter epsilon.
Crow: There's a mailing address for Macchu Pichu.
Servo: It's got a picture of Stonehenge!
Mike: So?
Servo: Under construction?!
Mike: So, what you high-minded encyclopedia snobs are trying to tell me is, you want a new set. Fine, I'll get you another set.
Servo: Oh, anything that's not handwritten on papyrus will do.

[Mike, Crow and Servo sing alternate lyrics over generic Native American chanting in the credits]
Mike: Pow Wow the Indian boy, loved all the animals in the west...
Mike, Crow and Servo: We will, we will, we will ROCK YOU! Tusk!
Servo: Though they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles and they ran through the places where a rabbit wouldn't go...
Crow: Gypsies, tramps and thieves, we heard it from the people of the town...
Mike, Crow and Servo: Tusk!
Mike: High on a hill lived a lonely goatherd, lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo...
Servo: Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus Lane...
Mike, Crow and Servo: Tusk!
Crow: Give it away, give it away, give it away now! Give it away, give it away, give it away now!
Mike: I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key...
Mike, Crow and Servo: Tusk!
Servo: Admiral Halsey notified me, he had to have a bath or he couldn't get to sleep...
Crow: And the cat's in the cradle with the silver spoon, Little Boy Blue with the man in the moon...
Mike: In your Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it...
Servo: One night in Bangkok makes a strong man crumble!
Crow: Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, when I take you out in a surrey...
Mike: We were merely freshmen!
Mike, Crow and Servo: Oh Susanna, oh don't you cry for me! Cause I come from Alabammy with a banjo on my knee! Tusk!

[Mila has been locked in a cell by Ator as a test of her knowledge.]
Joel [as Mila]: Let's see now, there's a superball and half a peanut and a length of kite string and a carpenter's saw.
Tom [as Mila]: What would MacGyver do?

[Mild-mannered assistant security guard Kevin goes looking for a would-be robber.]
Crow: So, did the ad for the job read, "Wanted: whiny, halfwit coward"?

[Mildred's clothes are strewn all across her room.]
Narrator: Oh Mildred, look at your clothes! Why, that's as bad as Don was!
Servo: Don Was? The producer?

[Miss Grandy is passing back algebra tests, and Mary's signature on hers is seen in an extreme close-up.]
Mike [as Narrator]: Your one mistake, you signed your test Mary Matthews.
[Miss Grady hands Johnny a sheet of paper - presumably his test.]
Servo [as Miss Grandy]: This contract arrived for you from a Mr. Elzebub.

[Miss Grandy notices Mary giving an answer to Johnny]
Servo [as Miss Grandy]: I smell a big Commie rat.
Miss Grandy: John, bring it up here, please.
[Mike imitates a buzzer repeatedly going off, Servo imitates a fire alarm going off]
Crow [as loudspeaker]: PUT YOUR PENCIL DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM YOUR DESK!
[Johnny slowly makes his way to the front of the classroom.]
Servo: Fortunately, your mob ties will get you off, Johnny!
. . .
Crow: And so Dana Plato's career begins.

[Mitchell spends several minutes silently comitting some mysterious act of sabotage on a car. It is unclear to the viewer what exactly Mitchell is doing.]
Servo [as Mitchell]: Why did I do that?

[Mitchell tries to scale the fence outside Deaney's estate.]
Joel [as Mitchell]: Man, this is hard to do after six sour cream burritos!

[Moffet examines the groceries that were delivered to him.]
Mike [as Moffet]: They forgot my Fruit Brute cereal!

[Moments after Vicki drops a flaming log on Manfred's carpet, his entire house is engulfed in flames.]
Crow: The house was made of typing paper and oily rags.

[Moments later in the same diner, when Marta is about to say something.]
Crow [as Owner]: No acting, not allowed.
. . .

[Mother Veronica climbs out of a car driven by another nun]
Mother Veronica: Wait for me, sister.
Crow [as Mother Veronica]: If you hear any shooting, just pull around the corner and get ready to gun it!