Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Natalie lies unconscious in a hospital bed, respirator in mouth.]
Mike: [singing in Peter Frampton/talkbox voice] I wanna thank you.
Mike: [singing in Peter Frampton/talkbox voice] I wanna thank you.
[Near the end of the film, a door slams in the background]
Crow: Oh, that was the sound of the director giving up and leaving.
Crow: Oh, that was the sound of the director giving up and leaving.
[Near the end of the piece, shot of a building named "Home Economics".]
Joel [as announcer] Home Economics, starring Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.
Voice Over: What is "Home Economics"?
Crow: Boy, you'd think they would have told us by now...
Joel [as announcer] Home Economics, starring Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.
Voice Over: What is "Home Economics"?
Crow: Boy, you'd think they would have told us by now...
[Nearly a full 8 minutes after "Space Chief" joins the battle, the "spaceships" are still diving and firing at each other]
Crow: So, d-do either of you guys know any songs about stock footage that would get us through this?
Servo: Oh, I know a song about stock footage! It goes like this: Dih-dih dih dih dih dih... [thundering] EAT IT, MOVIE!
Crow: Whoa! Whoa!
Servo: [still ranting] TAKE THIS STUPID LITTLE COCKROACH OF A FILM, ROLL IT UP SOOOOO TIGHT, AND THEN RAM IT RIGHT UP YOUR-- [begins sobbing]
Crow: So, d-do either of you guys know any songs about stock footage that would get us through this?
Servo: Oh, I know a song about stock footage! It goes like this: Dih-dih dih dih dih dih... [thundering] EAT IT, MOVIE!
Crow: Whoa! Whoa!
Servo: [still ranting] TAKE THIS STUPID LITTLE COCKROACH OF A FILM, ROLL IT UP SOOOOO TIGHT, AND THEN RAM IT RIGHT UP YOUR-- [begins sobbing]
[Neil Connery prepares to hypnotize his patient, Miss Yashuko. He tents his fingers in concentration.]
Joel: All right, here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door and go to sleeple.
Joel: All right, here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door and go to sleeple.
[Nerdy guy pauses a moment to look at marquee with ladies' legs.]
Crow [as nerdy girl]: Oh, come on! You're gay and you know it!
Crow [as nerdy girl]: Oh, come on! You're gay and you know it!
[New York City PBS affiliate WNET is credited]
Servo: That's the New York Public TV station! What, did Pearl accidentally send us "MacNeil-Lehrer Report"?
Servo: That's the New York Public TV station! What, did Pearl accidentally send us "MacNeil-Lehrer Report"?
[New York has just been nuked.]
Crow: It turned the Big Apple into apple sauce.
Crow: It turned the Big Apple into apple sauce.
[Nick and Lisa are shown together in the new, dystopian future]
Servo: I hope they end up together... at the bottom of a well torn apart by animals!!
Servo: I hope they end up together... at the bottom of a well torn apart by animals!!
[Nick and Lisa are trying to escape Robertson's building while also being chased by his guards. They come to a room with two routes; Nick quickly opens the door of one route and he and Lisa go down the other. The guards come in and see the open door of the false route.]
Guard: Come on, this way! [They run down the false route]
Mike [as Guard]: Even though I see them running the other way!
Guard: Come on, this way! [They run down the false route]
Mike [as Guard]: Even though I see them running the other way!
[Nick boots up his computer]
Servo [as the old AOL voice]: You've got mail... pattern baldness!
Servo [as the old AOL voice]: You've got mail... pattern baldness!
[Nick loads sandwiches onto his plate at the food table.]
Servo: Uh, Nick, other people have to eat, too.
Servo: Uh, Nick, other people have to eat, too.
[Nick types in commands to erase the floppy disks containing his time travel software]
Servo: So, eight 5ΒΌ" floppies hold the keys to time travel.
Mike: Delete copies of film? Yes. Delete memory of film from mankind's consciousness? Yes.
[As he throws out the last one, the camera pans to a heap of electronics, including one suspiciously long box with a cord coming out of it]
Mike: Hey... even declared war on his surge protector...
Servo: So, eight 5ΒΌ" floppies hold the keys to time travel.
Mike: Delete copies of film? Yes. Delete memory of film from mankind's consciousness? Yes.
[As he throws out the last one, the camera pans to a heap of electronics, including one suspiciously long box with a cord coming out of it]
Mike: Hey... even declared war on his surge protector...
[Noel takes Yuri outside after Yuri drunkenly hits on Natalie.]
Noel: Yuri! What the hell is the matter with you?
Crow [as Noel]: You are married to me!
Noel: Yuri! What the hell is the matter with you?
Crow [as Noel]: You are married to me!