Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Zombie Tony stumbles towards a college-like athletic building]
Crow [as Tony]: Must... register... for... semester!
. . .
[The soundtrack is peppered with sporadic metallic clanging noises.]
Servo: Damn radiator!
Crow: Soundtrack by John Cage.
Crow [as Tony]: Must... register... for... semester!
. . .
[The soundtrack is peppered with sporadic metallic clanging noises.]
Servo: Damn radiator!
Crow: Soundtrack by John Cage.
[Zoom to close-up of back of Paula's head, then dissolve to same back of head]
Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, your screenwriter: Ed Wood.
Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, your screenwriter: Ed Wood.
{Two scientists are looking at a statue of unknown origin]:
Scientist 1: Now there's an interesting sample!
Crow: Now there's an interesting line read!
Scientist 1: What is it?
Scientist 2: Don't know yet.
Servo: Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use genuine actors.
Scientist 1: Now there's an interesting sample!
Crow: Now there's an interesting line read!
Scientist 1: What is it?
Scientist 2: Don't know yet.
Servo: Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use genuine actors.
Chances are
That I'll kick your scrawny ass...
. . .
[Eventually, the gang leader relents and offers Hank his hand]
Mike [as Gang Leader]: You have defeated me, sir; you and your noble band of choreographers.
That I'll kick your scrawny ass...
. . .
[Eventually, the gang leader relents and offers Hank his hand]
Mike [as Gang Leader]: You have defeated me, sir; you and your noble band of choreographers.
Come 'n' listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
Then one day, he was shootin' at some food...
[Suddenly, Jed spots Wolfman Petro, who also spies him through the mist.]
Joel: [singing] And up from the swamp came a big, ugly dude.
Servo: Wolfman, that is.
Joel: Black teeth.
Joel, Servo: Gnarled face.
[Petro begins to advance on Jed, who turns and flees.]
Servo: [singing]
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
Then one day, he was shootin' at some food...
[Suddenly, Jed spots Wolfman Petro, who also spies him through the mist.]
Joel: [singing] And up from the swamp came a big, ugly dude.
Servo: Wolfman, that is.
Joel: Black teeth.
Joel, Servo: Gnarled face.
[Petro begins to advance on Jed, who turns and flees.]
Servo: [singing]
Go, Speed Farmer!
Go, Speed Farmer!
Go, Speed Farmer, go!
. . .
Servo: There's something you don't see every day.
Joel: What's that?
Servo: A farmer with all his limbs!
Go, Speed Farmer!
Go, Speed Farmer, go!
. . .
Servo: There's something you don't see every day.
Joel: What's that?
Servo: A farmer with all his limbs!
He's amazing and amusing,
he's delicious and nutritious,
two for breakfast, one for...
he's delicious and nutritious,
two for breakfast, one for...
I have often walked down the street before,
But I've never done it packing heat before��
But I've never done it packing heat before��
Killer shrew! Killer shrew!
Don't know the diff'rence 'tween me and you!
He comes out at night to give you a fright.
Don't look now, but he's gonna take a bite!
Doh, di-dih doh, di-dih doh, dugga dugga duh
Killer shrew! Killer shrew! K-I-double-L-E-R shrew!
He's scary and tough, if that ain't enough.
He's augmented with bath mats an' stuff!
Don't know the diff'rence 'tween me and you!
He comes out at night to give you a fright.
Don't look now, but he's gonna take a bite!
Doh, di-dih doh, di-dih doh, dugga dugga duh
Killer shrew! Killer shrew! K-I-double-L-E-R shrew!
He's scary and tough, if that ain't enough.
He's augmented with bath mats an' stuff!
Runnin' down the road, tryin' to loosen my load
I got Coleman Francis on my mind.
I got Coleman Francis on my mind.
Slow the plot down, laddy, slow the plot down
Way hey, slow the plot down!
We'll scuttle the story and run her aground.
We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!
Ohhh, we'll make you a movie that's long and immense.
Way hey, slow the plot down!
Just give us a script that makes no friggin' sense!
We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!
Way hey, slow the plot down!
We'll scuttle the story and run her aground.
We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!
Ohhh, we'll make you a movie that's long and immense.
Way hey, slow the plot down!
Just give us a script that makes no friggin' sense!
We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!
The 5:15 from Duluth,
Oh my! It just derailed!
The toxic waste is spillin',
The conductor's been impaled.
A benzene cloud has risen
And the whole town's startin' to cough.
Joel, Servo: [to the beat] [cough, cough] �� [cough, cough]
Crow: [singing]
Oh my! It just derailed!
The toxic waste is spillin',
The conductor's been impaled.
A benzene cloud has risen
And the whole town's startin' to cough.
Joel, Servo: [to the beat] [cough, cough] �� [cough, cough]
Crow: [singing]
These two girls, they make quite a pair.
They both come from your worst night-mare.
They will haunt your soul forever,
And now,
They both come from your worst night-mare.
They will haunt your soul forever,
And now,