[The Creeper slowly climbs the ladder of a fire escape.]
CCrow
Ladies and gentlemen! In the center ring, the Creeper will now attempt the high...thing.
[Mike and Servo both crack up.]
S7The Brute Man (movie)
S8Revenge of the Creature
[After Professor Bobo explains to Mike and the Bots that they are in the future, human civilization has perished and apes rule the world]
MAMike [as George Taylor]
A planet where apes evolved from men?
Well, it's maybe a little more complicated than that but, that is the rough outline, yes.
MAMike [as George Taylor]
You did it! You finally did it!
[apathetic] "...Damn us all to Hell". Yes, yes.
MAMike [as George Taylor]
It's a madhouse! A...
...madhouse. I know!
[The intrepid explorers explode dynamite all over the lagoon to stun the Creature into surfacing.]
Ah, ha-ha! The Charlton Heston Fish Locator.
Think anybody at the Rockefeller Foundation questioned the dynamite line-item?
[The Gill Man makes his somewhat grand appearance, swimming through the lagoon.]
MAMike [as The Gill Man]
[In time with the dramatic music] Here I am! I'm the Creature!
Boy, Esther Williams didn't age well.
[A young Clint Eastwood has a cameo.]
CCrow
This guy's bad. This is his first and last movie.
[Trainer Miss Abbott is working with a chimp named Neil.]
AMiss Abbott
Now, turn around, Neil. Turn around. Turn around. Sit down. All -- right.
SAServo [as Miss Abbott]
And... evolve.
[Spectators watch as the Gill-Man is brought into the Ocean Harbor aquarium.]
CACrow [as a New Yorker]
Does he got a thing?
[As the attempts to revive the creature at the aquarium drag on.]
CCrow
Everybody's drifting over to the "World of Barnacles" exhibit.
[Scientists Clete and Helen are testing the Gill-Man's intelligence, which for some reason involves the liberal use of a cattle prod.]
Jeez, the Mengele Institute for Marine Research!
[As the deputized posse closes in on the Creature, the police captain radios his men.]
PPolice Captain
Remember your instructions. The professor is in command from now on. You take orders from him!
MAMike [as Police Captain]
The Ichthyology Department of the State U has declared martial law!
S8The Leech Woman
[Nurse Sally listens as Old Malla explains to endocrinologist Paul Talbot how she's lived past 140.]
MMalla
When we are alone, I will speak.
CACrow [as Dr. Talbot]
Well, we kinda are alone. Nursie isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
[The jungle explorers trudge through stage sets of Africa, interspersed with stock footage of jungle animals.]
CACrow [as Guide]
Well, we'd better camp here tonight. The next stock footage is 18 miles away.
[A stock-footage lion approaches the party, who raise their guns in fear.]
CACrow [as Lion]
Um... hakuna matata?
. . .
[The party finds a small, empty shipping crate in a clearing.]
I see -- it's a three room Japanese apartment.
[Lawyer Neil proposes to Teri, who's wearing a silvery dress.]
NNeil
Teri... would you marry me?
[Teri pulls away.]
MAMike [as Neil]
Uh... uh... I withdraw the question.
TTeri
Oh, Neil -- I can't.
SAServo [as Teri]
Starfleet forbids it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.