[The short begins]
Crow: Previously on "Hired!"

[The short closes with the cleaned-up teens going to bed.]
Narrator: And so... the end of a perfect day.
Joel [as Narrator]: An entire day spent grooming.
. . .
Narrator: And you...
Joel [as Narrator]: Jezebel!
Narrator: ...by following these simple rules of body care and grooming, you too will [have] that quality of appearance, that feeling of well-being, so important to make your dreams of happiness come true.
Crow [as Narrator]: And remember--when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight.
[As we fade out...]
Joel: KEEP WATCHING THE MEDICINE CABINETS! KEEP WATCHING THE MEDICINE CABINETS!
Crow: You're next!
[A few more names appear]
Servo: [sarcastically] Oh, let's not forget these guys!
The Painted Hills (movie)

[The short ends with the shots seen in the opening again.]
Crow: Okay, we'll move there!
Servo: Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it?

[The short is a Centron production.]
Servo: Thank you, Centron!

[The short is ending.]
Narrator: How would you answer this question for Liz and Andrew? Peggy and Joey?
Servo: Bob and Carol? Ted and Alice?
Narrator: How can you tell? Is this love?
Crow: You have ten minutes to answer the question starting now.
[Servo imitates a clock ticking.]
Mike: And, now stay tuned for the Clarance Thomas-Anita Hill hearing.
Crow: No animals were hurt during the filming of this movie.
[A list of related film titles scrolls on the screen.]
Servo: "How Much Affection?"
Crow: "When Should I Marry?"
[Mike and the bots continue with fake titles.]
Mike: "Know Your Ointments"
Servo: "What's That Down There?"
Crow: "When He Wants It Rough"
Mike: "Procreation, Not Recreation"
Servo: "Oh No, Pleasure!"
Crow: "McClintock!"
Teen-Age Strangler (movie)

[The short opens on a shot of several college-age couples looking lovey-dovey all across campus.]
Narrator: Ah, spring!
Crow [as Narrator]: Filthy, shameful spring!
. . .
Joel: You know, people were whiter back then.
Narrator: When a young man's fancy lightly turns to...
Crow: Underpants.
Narrator: ...Love.
Crow: Oh.

[The short opens over a large clock.]
Servo [as radio announcer]: The Jack Benny Program!
[The clock strikes ominously.]
Mike: [deeply] Ebenezer Scrooge...

[The short opens with scenes quickly flashing on screen.]
Crow: Whoa, I'm having a freak-out up to ten years later!

[The short starts with a vision of heaven.]
Crow [as Ricky Ricardo]: Lucy, I'm dead!

[The short's overly perky couple dance about the room with enormous smiles.]
Mike: Honey, I can't stop smiling, I'm in hell!

[The short's title is first mentioned by the narrator over the main theme.]
Crow: Oh. When did they change the name?
Servo: A Quinn Martin production.
Mike, Crow, Servo: [as the music ends] PUERTO RICO!

[The short's title screen appears: "Chevrolet presents: HIRED!"]
Crow: Well, that's something you didn't hear much during the Bush administration.

[The singer and dancers are performing "Shook Out of Shape". Mike and the Bots sing their own words.]
Mike [as Singer]: First blade lifts, the second one cuts. You get your��
Mike, Crow [as Chorus]: Schick out of shape!
Servo: Now, everybody--shave!

[The skull is throw out the window and hits the ground rolling, landing right side up.]
Crow: Settled in a divot.
[The skull twitches.]
Servo: Woof!

[The slaves are taken to a small trading village where they are to be sold.]
Servo: Check it out, it's one of them Jack Nicklaus golf communities!
Mike: [to Servo] ...Are you old? How do you know about that?