[The Soultaker bears down on Tommy in a convenience store.]
Tommy: What do you want?
Crow [as Soultaker/Estevez]: Do you have a phone, so I can call Martin to take over my role?

[The Soultaker confronts Zach at the hospital rooftop edge after a long chase scene.]
Crow [as Soultaker]: Muhuhahahahaha! You're it!
Soultaker: It's all over now.
Servo: Oh, ho, I wish that were true!

[The Soultaker hovers over Tommy, preparing to take her soul]
The Soultaker: [ominously] It's Closing Time!
Servo: Does that mean that every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end?

[The Soultaker opens up a stopwatch, which ticks a la the opening sequence to 60 Minutes.]
Servo: I'm Ed Bradley...
Mike: I'm Steve Kroft...
Crow: I'm Lesley Stahl...

[The stern-looking judge closely examines a cake.]
Narrator: First, she feels the cake...
Crow [as Narrator]: ...then she rubs it into her hair...

[The Sting-like Capt. Devers enters the main control room]
Servo [as Devers]: [singing] De do do do, de da da da, is all I want to say to you...
[Devers passes Lt. Lamont, who was just killed in the previous scene]
Mike: Hey, wait, she's dead!
Servo: Yeah, she's dead!
Mike: She died!
[Devers sits down with Cmdr. Jansen]
Capt. Devers: Commander Jansen?
Crow [as Devers]: I think it was very nice of you to give that dead woman another chance.
. . .
[Jansen and Devers discuss the report on the space pirates]
Cmdr. Jansen: I think they want to drive us into the neighboring constellation.
Capt. Devers: Helveca?
Mike [as Devers]: Oh, I love that font!
. . .
Cmdr. Jansen: It's very perilous for everyone on board...we do not make wild accusations...so we keep this Top Classified Secret.
Servo [as Cmdr. Jansen]: Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret.
. . .
[Devers again walks past the formerly-deceased lieutenant]
Mike [as Devers]: 'Kay, look alive, everybod-- oh...sorry, Susan.

[The sun rises. Nastenka runs to address the horizon.]
Nastenka: Have mercy, rosy-fingered Dawn! Have mercy on me, o rising golden Sun!
Servo [as Sun]: And you are��?
Nastenka: Wait 'til I'm done knitting these stockings! Otherwise I'll be punished severely. Stepmother said she would tear off my braid.
Mike [as Sun]: [beeps] This is the Sun. Your call is very important to us, but due to unusually high call volume��
[The sun obligingly reverses itself and sinks below the horizon.]
Servo: Oh, the world's thrown into chaos -- earthquakes, floods -- but that's fine; you knit your sock.
. . .
Mike [as Mafia don]: Some day you'll return the favor...

[The teens try to lasso the legs of the giant teens' leader, in a very poor special effect involving large mannequin legs.]
Crow: Oh, come on! The effects in Willow were better than this!
Mike: Hey, you liked Willow!
Crow: I-- huh?

[The theme plays at the end.]
Mike: And now the news.
[Theme plays again.]
Mike: That was the news.
Season 9

[The time of day has been changing]
Tom: Uh, meanwhile later yesterday afternoon, I guess ... .

[The title "Circus on Ice" shows onscreen]
Joel: You got your circus on my ice!
Crow: Hey, you got your ice on my circus!
Servo: Two bad things that go worse together!
[Referencing a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups ad campaign.]

[The title appears on screen.]
Crow: I thought I smelled something!

[The title Body Care and Grooming appears on the screen.]
Joel: Is this an infomercial? Where's Cher?
Servo [as TV announcer]: Body Care! And Grooming! They're cops...

[The title card reads 'parts: the clonus horror']
Crow: Apparently e. e. cummings wrote it.

[The title card swoops into view.]
Servo [as Don Cornelius]: The SOUUUUUUUUUUUUULTAKER!