Son, how do you feel about sheep?
Hey, who don't like saving money?
JJay
(to Michael) If you keep this up, you're going to get to know your fingers really well.
This beef stroganoff is really saying something.
JJay
Yeah, it's saying 'I'm meatloaf!'
Junior, get your butt out of my face!
Get your face out of my butt!
I'm the one in the line of fire!
A short time later:
Junior, I'll give you $50 if you fart right now.
Which one of the Powerpuff Girls is my favorite?
Barney?
VVanessa
Which yogurt flavor is my favorite?
Seven!
JJay
What is my dress size?
The answer to your question is, your dress size is a six...
JJay
*giggling*
...teen!
Why does everyone think I'm the big green ogre?
Because you are.
JJay
What, you have a big-screen TV in your back pocket?
WWanda
No, but thanks for suggesting one can fit back there.
I can't concentrate on my homework.
So you have to concentrate to bring home two D's and an F.
JJay
I'm cleaning out the closet.
With what, a bomb?
JJay
Tell me that's not Brian McKnight.
That's not Brian McKnight.
JJay
Yes, it is, Junior.
Then why'd you tell me to tell you--
JJay
Shut up, boy, and get me to the altar!
CCalvin
[after tasting some pudding meant to symbolize feces in a baby's soiled diaper] Mmm, it's chocolate pudding.
IInstructor
Lucky for you, that's right.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Wife and Kids pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.