My Life as a Teenage Robot · Season 1
Hi, Jenny, my name's Brad– Whoa, a real life robot!
A real life teenager!
[in unison] Whoa! Look at that, and those, and the hair. [laughs]
So, you're like a super hero who goes around the world having death-defying adventures and defeating dastardly villains?
Mm-hmm.
Sweet!
And you're a teenager who goes to high school and meet tons of other kids and hangs out with them?
Of course.
Cool! [She turns to a grumpy-looking Spanish female teenager, who is Andy] Hi, Andy, wanna come join us for fun?
Yeah, and you haven't spoke to my daughter yet! She's a real robot now. [laughs]
[She starts gritting her teeth, angrily throws her rag doll into the garbage can, and progressively starts shouting in rage] WHO ARE THE WAKEMANS?!!!
You never let me do ANYTHING I WANT! WORK! WORK! WORK! I NEVER GET TO HAVE ANY FUN! If you don't let me go, I'll... I'll...
Don't you raise your lasers to me, young lady!
[Sheldon is being thrown across the room by a bunch of bullies]
Excuse me, I need to speak with the young man you're terrorizing.
Earrings? I designed a "state of the art", crime-fighting robot, not some simple mannequin to hang with googols and gimcrackery!
It's got to be around here somewhere.
[tagging along while flying the jet pack] How about that gas station?
No, that's a tra... [realizes] Huh?! Brad, what are you doing?
Duh. Trying out my new jet pack.
I meant, what are you doing here?
Helping you find the UFO.
You can't do that. This is a very delicate intergalactic situation. Turn around and go home right now.
Your lips say, "go home," but your eyes say…
Leave? Look, Brad, this could be dangerous, and I can't watch out for you.
You don't have to. I can take care of myself.
[enters the UFO cockpit] Brad? [gasps upon seeing Brad fiddling around with the controls] Brad, what are you doing?! You're gonna blows us up or vaporize us or get us grounded! [Brad pulls a lever starting up the UFO as it starts rising off the ground] Or get us ungrounded. [Jenny hears the UFO rising, turns around, and sees it flying out the woods and into the sky] Get us down, get us down, get us down!
I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying! [The UFO screeches to a stop in midair] Did that stop it?
No. [points to Jenny with her foot on it] That did.
I thought I told you to stay put.
Well, we tried, but then you…
Put the ship down.
That's what I...
Down!
But...
Now.
[walks to the driver's seat, getting Brad her attention] Brad. Brad? [shouts] BRAD!
[snapping back to reality] What? W-what's going on?
You're done driving. That's what's going on.
[smacks her hand away] Hey, who put you in charge of me?
[arguing in unison] You break into an alien spaceship after I told you to stay away from it, but that's not good enough for you.
[arguing in unison] You've been bossing me around all morning.
[as he and his wife walk back to their UFO] Yeah, well, personally, I can't wait to get off this hick planet. Bunch of rip-off artists, these earthlings. $5 for a cup of coffee. No extraterrestrial discount at the hotel, and I know that bellboy stole my tricorder!
Your little girl is growing up.
You're right, XJ.9. Well technically you're wrong because you're a robot and will remain a teenager forever, but metaphorically, you're absolutely right.
How is it, again, that you know the Minutians will land here?
They always land here. Why do you think I moved here?
You can't stay, Tuck.
Yeah, adults only.
[Tuck starts sobbing]
See? This is exactly why he can't be here.
I could be an adult! I COULD BE AN ADULT!
Hi, Jenny! How was Japan?
[in Japanese] Good afternoon.
"Konichiwa"? Cool! [He and his brother were given two gifts from Jenny] For us?
Aw, you didn't have to bring these.
[in Japanese] Eh, no big.
"So ne". Hahaha!
[laughs] I got to run to the mall. Hey, Jenny, you want to come?
[in Japanese] Sure.
Huh?
[in Japanese] What's wrong with you? Don't you hear me? I love going to the mall. [she is surprised] Why Japanese? Why am I only speaking Japanese? Why? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
[takes off her old eyes, sets them on her bed, and puts on the multi-functional bug-eyed eyes; from her POV, Nora is all digital style] Whoa, you're all blocky style.
That's digital vision. Flip through the other settings.
[flipping through] Ultraviolet vision. Infrared vision. X-ray vision! Heat vision! Rainbow vision. Oh, pretty colors! Wow, I even have sausage vision. [flips back to normal setting]
So, what you think?
I think… [turns around, revealing the eyes are too big for her] I'll be the coolest-looking teenager ever!
Hey, Mom, which setting is number one?
The number one? Normal.
That's funny. I thought you said, "normal."
I did.
[looks at her reflection, then Nora, then everything, all completely normal; enraged] Normal? You call this normal?! How could you do this to me?!
Do what? What are you talking about?
I'm talking about these wiggly-squiggly bug snakes you call eyes!
XJ.9, you're not looking at the big picture.
And you're not looking at this picture. It's called, "I made my daughter a total dweeb."
You don't look dweeb, I think you look very pa-hat.
It's pronounced "fat," mother, and giant periscopes in your head are not phat, dope, or even cool! I want my old eyes back.
What? But these are far more efficient.
Who cares about efficiency?
I do. And so should you, young lady. Now, stop being silly.
The only way to stop being silly is to lose these jokes. [takes off and ditches the bug-eyed eyes, leaving her sightless]
XJ.9, you cannot go sightless. You have a job to do.
Give me my old eyes back, and I'll do it.
Absolutely not.
Fine! [starts walking off] I'll save the world without your stinking eye...[trips over a hot dog cart, getting hot dog wieners in her eye holes]
If you can't even conquer a hot dog cart, how can you hope to conquer evil?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Life as a Teenage Robot pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
