The glass is always half-empty with you, isn't it?
Half-empty. Cracked. Chipped. Dirty. Smeared with toxic, germ-ridden, radioactive s-
Anyway...
S4Sixty Feet Under
S5While You Weren't Sleeping
Micheal had last night kissed his mother when she was asleep on the couch thinking she was his girlfriend...:
We should have told you all not to worry about our relationship in the first place
MMicheal
Is that why you slept on the couch?
Everyone stares at him judgingly:
MMicheal
I just.. know...
S5A Wife Less Ordinary
We just got married!
I still don't want kids.
S5...And I'll Cry If I Want To
(Ben arrives home to find Susan auditioning numerous clowns for Kenzo's third birthday party)
Susan, I though we had a deal that you'd warn me when the inlaws were coming?
Oh, I'm glad your here. I'd like to introduce you to Cheerful Charlie Chortle, Uncle Morris, and The Amazing Beppo.
Well if they're here, who's running the country?
Good God! No wonder Charlie Chortle's chortling, look how much Charlie Chortles charging!
Actually we're not having Charlie Chortle. He's having gall bladder surgery.
Can't the kids watch that? It'll be cheaper and funnier.
S6Bliss for Idiots
What is this masterpiece?
"Shut Up and Be Happy"
Too late; I'm married.
How was it then? Your "society?"
2 words. Gay disco.
S8Have an Unhappy Christmas
They're like promises, where people try and give up their bad habits.
KKenzo
Does Grandpa know about this?
I think it should be me, because I'm not tragic like you two, and I already have a friend to take: Kenzo.
That's the only way you can get friends; by giving birth to them?
All I'm asking from you is one lousy day!
I've given you lots of lousy days!
S9A Very Brief Encounter
AAlfie
When I was a boy, I had an imaginary friend. I was devastated when I found out I had made him up.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.