[Bean is playing Bingo with a mouthful of water and a goldfish]
BCBingo Caller
Green any way round 69.
BBean
[Swallows goldfish] Bingo!
All S1
S1 E10Mind the Baby, Mr. Bean
[Bean is playing Bingo with a mouthful of water and a goldfish]
CCaller
Everyone's ready? Eyes down. The first one is on white, and it's five and seven, 57. Green, seven and four, 74. White, five and seven, 57. Yellow, one and seven, 17. Red, lucky number, number seven. Green, seven and two, 72. Blue, three and two, 32. And blue, three and five, 35. Blue, three and seven, 37. White, six-zero, white 60. Yellow, two and five, 25. White, five and four, 54. Green, seven and one, 71. Yellow, two and three, 23. Green, any way around, 99. (Bean clicks 99 on his board, forming a forward diagonal bingo)
(swallows goldfish) Bingo! (spits out the goldfish and water, landing in the sea with another fish)
MMother
It's just gone! The pram, it just went! Oh! That's my baby!
S1 E11Back To School Mr. Bean
[Bean pushing another Mini car]
[He gets some soldiers to help push the car]
I'm in!
[Bean pushing another Mini car]
[He gets some soldiers to help push the car]
"I'll get in."
"I'm in!"
"Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut!"
[Cut to a drill sergeant]
DSDrill sergeant
"Eyes front!"
[Cut to soldiers marching and halting, then the sergeant shouts unintelligible commands: first one turns the soldiers left and left foot stamp, second preparing their rifles to their right sidearm, and finally their separating their feet. The sergeant leaves and heads inside the recruitment centre on the background. Bean arrives behind the soldiers, looking at them, then coughs as he passes through them. The soldiers close their legs. Bean notices them again, then coughs once again, the soldiers separating their feet once again. Bean then gets behind a military vehicle, then coughs, the soldiers close their legs again. Cut to Bean standing near the vehicle, he says a command, similarly to the drill sergeant's, the soldiers positioning their rifles vertically close to their middle. Bean commands them again, this time the first and third of the each rows raising their right and left knees, respectively, to the laughter of the audience. Bean then commands them to raise their right hands up high, and makes them wave said hands. The drill sergeant arrives from the recruitment centre, Bean quickly hides behind the vehicle.]
DSDrill sergeant
"Right." [noticing the soldiers' doing Bean's pose; Bean runs behind the soldiers] "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" [Cut to the entrance of the building] "Hey! Right side!" [Bean gets inside the building with the Adult Education entrance] "What do you think you're doing?! What do you think you're doing?! You what?!"
"Boo!"
[The calligrapher is frightened, the push of his quill ruins his art.]
AIArt instructor
"Ah, ça, c'est formidable. But I think, là!"
[Bean arrives at the classroom]
AIArt instructor
"Ah, bonjour! Please, come in! Sit down, là; the fruit. Ah, inspired!"
AIArt instructor
"Ah, banana! Magnifique, but, I think of detail. Detail!"
AIArt instructor
"OK, class, please, changez, là."
[The entire class but Bean turns their sketch papers over. Bean looks at the new model (we don't see it yet), then draws one large oval on the right of his "banana", then a smaller one inside, then an even smaller one inside of the smaller one. He looks at it again, does the same on the left. He examines his own drawing, feels frustrated as he actually draws a naked woman's breasts. Cut behind the woman, we see Bean being hesitant. The instructor lets him back to his artwork. Bean tries to hide his artwork from the instructor.]
AIArt instructor
"Monsieur, what? Don't, don't be shy. Don't be shy! Let me look."
[Bean draws something at the bottom of his work]
AIArt instructor
"Dah!"
[We see Bean actually drew a "mouth" below, to the fascination of the instructor (and the laughter and applause of the audience). She nods a few times, moves her hand around the artwork, as if feeling something.]
AIArt instructor
"The face, eh?" [Bean nods] "The body, où? The body?" [The instructor does some kind of body language] "The body!" [Laughter from the audience] "The breasts? You must look! Look, the beauty. Feel it, feel it, and draw, inspire."
CIChemistry instructor
[The chemistry teacher and the boy who was caught in the lab explosion Bean caused march into the art room. The boy is covered in blue dust.] "Right, is he in here, then?" [The chemistry instructor takes off the boy's glasses. He shakes his head. Then the chemist and the boy see the naked model. The chemist drags the boy out of the class room.] "Out!"
AIArt instructor
Non, non, non, you must look! [The art instructor makes a confused face when she sees the naked model now wearing a clay bikini discretely placed on by Bean.]
JIJudo instructor
"OK, thanks a lot for coming, everybody. Um, before we start learning any throws, et cetera, the first thing about judo is you've just got to make sure that you can fall, OK? So, I'll check all your break-falls one by one. Let's start with you. Just step forward, that's good. OK, we start with a bow. Good. Then, just take hold, that's nice, and the throw. That's it, good one. Back with the others. Right, nice. Next one, please." "That's good. Okay, again, we start with a bow..." "..then, take hold, and the throw." "That's nice. Good." "Back with the others." "There we go." "Okay, can I have the next one, please?" "Next one, please. Yeah?" "Just step forward, then." "Yeah. Onto the mat, yeah?" "That's good." "There we are." "And the other foot, yeah?" "That's good, that's all right, now." "Okay, here we..." "Just come back onto the mat. There we go." "It's all right."
JIJudo instructor
"Now first the bow..." [bows in the Japanese fashion, in a 90-degree angle]
"Bow." [Bean follows suit, and the instructor bows again immediately]
JIJudo instructor
"There we are, the bow. All right, and then I take hold." "It's all right. Just... just trust me, just trust me." "Just calm down, all right? Just stand here." "That's it. No. No one's going to get hurt. That's it." "Good. Okay. Now..."
"So, we bow." [bows in the Japanese fashion]
JIJudo instructor
"Yeah, we bow." [bows immediately after Bean, laughter from the audience] "Just one big bow, then throw." [Cut to the instructor's point of view, the camera is now following the instructor's eyes] "Okay, so one nice, big, big bow and then..." [camera pans as the instructor bows, and up again, then we realizes that Bean is no longer in front of the instructor. Cut to the instructor, Bean stands up behind him, and shoves him down to the mat.]
JIJudo instructor
"Hey, stop it! Stop! Stop it!"
[Bean starts quacking with his hands on the lavatory door, distracting the man.]
Man in lavatory "Oi, oi! Get off! What are you doing?! Hey!" "Hold on! No, no! Oh, my God!"
MOMan on PA speaker
"Right... and good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the demonstration of our group's magnificent machinery, along with some examples..."
CChoir
"...qui est faba."
S1 E13Goodnight Mr. Bean
MIMan in ambulance 1
You get the door, John.
MIMan in ambulance 2
Right.
[The doors are blocked by Mr. Bean's Mini. Laughter from the audience.]
MIMan in ambulance 1
What's wrong? Here, give it to me.
[Scene changes to the waiting room.]
N1Nurse 1
Twenty-two (22).
[Bean takes the doll from the girl's hands and throws it. The girl goes with her mother to pick it up, leaving the queue. Next, two men are in front of him, Bean pinches the taller man's back and quickly pulls his hand away. The taller man thinks the person behind him (in front of Bean) did this, and pushes him.]
TMTaller Man
What the hell do you think you're doing? Pinching my bottom in a hospital queue?! [both leave the queue, Bean meets the receptionist, the mother and daughter is behind Bean now.]
RReceptionist
Good morning, name please?
Um, Bean. (laughter from the audience)
RReceptionist
And what is the problem?
[Bean whispers to the receptionist]
RReceptionist
Have a ticket and take a seat please, Mr. Bean.
NONurse on P.A.
Security to the east door, please.
N1Nurse 1
Twenty-three (23).
[Two people stand up and walk to the main room]
N1Nurse 1
Twenty-four (24).
[Bean notices an old man sleeping with the ticket, he tries swapping it but...]
N1Nurse 1
Twenty-four?
[The old man wakes up and heads to the main room]
[Bean examines the muffled woman's ticket upside-down and reads 25. While the receptionist answers a phone call, Bean turns the number counter upside down while coughing, then returns to his seat]
N1Nurse 1
Fifty-two (52).
Yes! [The muffled woman holds Bean by the teapot, three other people are complaining about their tickets being skipped. Bean is still struggling]
N2Nurse 2
Ninety-two (92). [she appears beside the counter]
M3Man 3
That was quick!
M4Man 4
Hang on! What about me?
N1Nurse 1
Come back here! Somebody's turned it the wrong way up. [She turns the counter around back to its normal position] That's better, there. Twenty-six (26).
M5Man 5
Yes, at last. [follows Nurse 1]
[The woman lets go of Bean's teapot. Frustrated, Bean goes back to his seat]
[Many minutes later]
N1Nurse 1
Fifty-one (51).
[Mr. Bean is sleeping, he drops the muffled woman's ticket, the other nurse takes that ticket from the floor.]
N2Nurse 2
Is this anybody's?
[The muffled woman shouts, giving the nurse's attention]
N2Nurse 2
Oh! Not too long now. Don't you worry.
N1Nurse 1
Fifty-two (52).
[Bean moans as 52 is said by the nurse]
N2Nurse 2
Over here. [brings the muffled woman inside]
NONurse on PA
Dr Marlow, have you got your beeper on?
N2Nurse 2
Fifty-three (53).
NONurse on PA
Dr Marlow, have you got your beeper on? Thank you.
[Mr. Bean goes back to the waiting queue to get another ticket. In front of him are the same two men that were fighting earlier. In order to cut through the queue once again Bean pushes them both.]
SMShorter Man
It's you!
TMTaller Man
You're risking your life!
[As the two men leave fighting once again Bean moves forward towards the receptionist. The receptionist looks up and sees a rather angry Mr. Bean.]
RReceptionist
Name?
(angrily) Bean!
(laughter)
RReceptionist
And what is the problem?
The problem... [He shows the receptionist the teapot stuck in his hand and then complains about waiting for a long time. Mr. Bean then starts banging the teapot on the counter.] ...now come on, do something about it!
RReceptionist
Take a ticket and have a seat please.
[Mr. Bean takes a ticket, but is shocked to see that the ticket has a higher number. In frustration, he then angrily throws the ticket in the bin, and pushes it further down, but his hand becomes stuck inside the bin. Using his mouth, he takes out another ticket, and walks to his seat. In the background the shorter man is body-slamming the taller man on the floor.]
[Bean takes snapshots of a rubbish bin, then a statue of Cupid after covering the genitals with red paper from the bin. He then passes a Royal Guard, and tries to first scare him (with no reaction) and then take a picture of him. Bean moves a sundial, tries to place the camera, breaking the gnomon in the process. He styles the guard in his own fashion, such as grooming and trimming the moustache, adding tulips across his belt, a face made of paper to his hat (as well as hair made of leaves), and also placing Teddy on the bayonet. With everything arranged, Bean sets the timer on his camera]
[A few seconds later, the Guard hears a command and leaves his post but Bean goes after him. The camera shutters, the picture only sees Bean leaving.]
Oh, no! [growls]
[Bean brushes his teeth and uses a toy gun to gargle water. He tries to scratch his ear with a finger, then uses the toothbrush to clean both ears, then the moustache area]
[to the mirror] Good night.
[Bean goes to his bedroom, his teddy bear is on the bed]
Oh, Teddy! [lies on the bed, gets a comic from a cabinet] Oh, Asterix. [Bean and Teddy reads the comic, but twitches Teddy to think "it" cannot see] Just a minute, just a minute. Glasses. [Bean places the small glasses onto Teddy's eyes, then they continue reading the comic.] Oh, so beautiful. Oh, look at the time. [Bean pretends to yawn, then he snaps his fingers, making like Teddy is sleeping, and places it in a box, moving the box to under the bed. He opens the cabinet revealing a pistol and shoots the lightbulb.]
[The clock is ticking loudly, Bean places it in a drawer. A motorbike can be heard from the outside, followed by cats meowing. He takes a cup and a dog hood, now we see Bean's head like a dog on the window. He barks, scaring the cats. Now he can go back to sleep, Bean lies on his side, then with his face down. A few seconds later, he gasps for breath. Bean turns on the TV, the first channels were static, and then to a chess match. The player on black tries to make a move, slowly making Bean go to sleep. After a few seconds, a white star appears on the TV and loud music of a Bodyform commercial awakes Bean, forcing him to turn off the TV.]
Of course!
[He places a chair, then a picture of sheep beside the bed and opens the curtain. He counts them with his fingers, then with a calculator. 27 times 15.]
Ah!
[He finally goes to sleep, with the calculator still on his left hand. At the end of the credits, he tries lying on his side again, but rolls off the bed and falls on the floor.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mr. Bean pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.