In a game of naked Twister!
All S3
Shit house party
Episode 1
Most people have to fly a plane into a building before they're surrounded by this many virgins.
Episode 1
I want to join your evil scheme.
Sure, just make a cheque out to Tom Cruise, we'll send you a fact pack.
What?
Sorry, which evil scheme do you mean?
Episode 1
I'm not a square. I break the rules!
Huh. The rules of Boggle.
Still takes guts!
Episode 1
TTrainer
Play dead.
DDogs
[in unison] Hello. I'm Richard Whiteley. [They all collapse]
Episode 2
Messing around with Catnip. You've let me down, you've let your friends down... but you know who you've let down most of all?
Myself?
The Variety Club of Great Britain. [Cut to a scene where some excrement is seen on a minibus, with children behind a man shaking his head]
I made a crap in a sunshine coach?
Oh yes, you very much did. There was no trip to Thorpe Park for those kiddies.
Episode 2
You ate your own babies?
Well, you know how it is, Nelson - it's late, you can't be arsed to go to the all-night garage, you ain't got nothing in the fridge...
Vince, you've got Muller Rice!
Well, yeah, but no spoons.
Wait a minute. You ate six perfectly healthy children - your own children - just because you couldn't find a spoon!
In my defence, they are both rhubarb.
Episode 3
We have to break up!
You said I was special!
I know.
You said you loved me!
I do love you!
You touched me!
Yeah, and we can never tell anyone about that. I'm not even joking.
Don't you want to lick your Lollipop?
Episode 3
They're not loveable Christopher Biggins showbiz gays after all - they're evil gays!
Oh no, the very worst kind of gay!
Episode 4
ACAnimal of courage Dog
Target, an urban fox, reddish hair, about 2ft4, answers to Nelson, also the divine Ms Vulpine. Animals of courage do we know our battle plan? Bernie?
BBernie (cat)
I'll get us in the gates.
ACAnimal of courage Dog
Bobby?
BBobby (rabbit)
I'll... Take... Out... The... Alarms!
ACAnimal of courage Dog
Vince?
I'll get the guard, right, and I'll f**k him up, right like proper beat the f**k out of him. Then right, I'll get my c**k and ram it right down his throat. See how he likes being f**ked like a Spanish choir boy. [Humps demonstratively while all watch]
ACAnimal of courage Dog
Okay Slight embellishment there Vince, but I'll- I'll let it slide.
Episode 7
You're an ironic folk hero, like that retarded kid who made that stupid Star Wars video.
Ooh ooh, you mean.... Hayden Christensen?
Episode 8
So I got a new job. Glamour model.
Don't tell me. Bloke in the park. Says he can make you famous.
Maybe.
And as he spoke to you, just how furiously was he masturbating?
Kali, if I can get this gig, it could lead to all sorts of other stuff.
Hmm, dog porn!!
Acting...
Dog porn.
Charity work...
Dog porn.
Episode 8
Marion, for God's sake you're going to die!
Ah, but then I will wake up in a magical fantasy land, filled with virgins!
You mean Games Workshop?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mongrels pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.