While other mothers were cooking dinner, you were cooking meth.
Otherwise known as working.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady.
Mom, I've watched you lick cocaine crumbs out of a shag carpet.
It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear.
Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age.
Mom, I'm not having sex.
Uh, don't lie to the woman who washes your sheets.
That's how you get into heaven, letting a little guy go up on you.
I wish. All he wanted to do was spank me.
Well, no good deed goes unpunished.
I'll have the test results in two minutes.
That's great. I mean the time to worry is so much less. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 20 minutes.
Really?
Yeah, that's how far science has come. So, that's great! [to Bonnie] We'll know the test results in 2 minutes.
Wow. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 2 hours.
Really?
Yeah, that's a long time to wait in a gas station bathroom.
You know, I had sex with a missionary once and oddly -- he wasn't a fan of the position.
[holding up one of Christy's dresses] Were you sober when you bought this?
I don't even remember. I hate all my clothes, they're all from when I was drinking.
[holds up red plastic dress] What were you when you bought this?
Popular.
RRoscoe
[playing blackjack] I don't have anymore money.
No money? Or no money ON you?
RRoscoe
Well, I have some upstairs in my piggy bank.
Well it's not doing you any good up there, is it?
So how'd it go with your boss?
I broke his leg *and* his nose.
It felt good, didn't it?
No, it didn't.
A little bit?
...A little.
Regina, I know this is difficult for you, but I just want you to know, I think you're doing great.
Really? 'Cause I think I might snap and kill you and your mother in your sleep.
Recovering from the fatal disease of alcoholism doesn't mean I can't get some strange every once in a while.
You should sew that on a pillow.
Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.
Secret garden? Holy Moses, how many cats do you own?
Four.
I'm telling you, I walked in on my parents having sex once and it traumatized me.
This isn't the same thing.
Yeah, it's worse, the kid can't run out of the room screaming.
[Christy enters] Mom, tell Luke he's not going to hurt the baby.
...If I do that, he'll have sex with you. [to Luke] Stick to your guns.
[Christy doesn't want to talk about her relationship] So how about you, Luke still worried he'll poke the baby's eye out?
Luke is a very caring and sensitive person, and I don't want to talk about it.
[pause] Well since nobody's going to ask me, I'll tell you, I took home a vice cop last night and I do want to talk about it.
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