Unemployment Part 2 (or Theory of the Leisure Ass)
(Comes into the diner in a bathrobe) I'll just have a plate of eggs, thanks.
G Gus
No eggs. Ain't you read the sign? (Points to a sign that says "No Shirt, No Hat, No Service)
Gus, no one here is wearing a hat. They're all eating.
G Gus
Back in the day, people wore coats and ties and hats in this place. Now look at you. You don't got underwear even.
Gus. come on. It's just a different philosophy. I'm like a modern day Buddha, freeing myself of worldly attachments.
He's right. Buddha never wore underpants.
And check this out - I found this movie called "Barfully!"
Andy, I think that movie is actually called "BarFLY!"
Not 'barfully' like the adjective?
'Barfully' is not a word, and if it were, it would be an adverb, as in 'the sewage oozed barfully.'
Kevin Finds Love (or Hot for Weirdie)
[Eunice produces the much sought-after recommendation and Kevin is overjoyed and tries to kiss her, but she rejects him much to his dismay]
E Eunice
Come on chimpie, you got what you wanted, quit complaining.
No! I mean, yes, I wanted the letter, but that was before I realized how brilliant and adventurous and wonderful you are! Andy was right all along - you are perfect for me! I don't want the letter anymore, Eunice, I want you!
E Eunice
Well, people in hell want ice water. Have tons of fun with your letter.
[Andy, Posey and Jim are turned away from the new club in Mission Hill]
Damn poseurs, come to our neighborhood and tell us we're not cool enough to get into their club? Screw them!
Don't feel bad, Andy. We could start our own club and call it the Cool Club and let in everyone who wasn't cool enough for the other club!
Or, we could just open a club and not let anyone in at all!
You're mean, man, that's why I like you! [Posey pokes Andy in the eye] Owww!!
Stories of Hope and Forgiveness (or Day of the Jackass)
[Andy eats his cereal very loudly while Kevin tries to read the paper]
Shut up! How can I read the newspaper with that deafening racket blaring out of your mouth?! It sounds like a gorilla eating a log cabin!
[Posey is meditating and is visualizing a surreal world when a floating figure appears]
Oh, hello, don't I know you? Weren't we in the fifth grade together?
FF Floating Figure
No Posey, I am you inner being. So, in a way, yes! But, who cares! I am here to guide you on your path of enlightenment. The way is fraught with traps and danger - [points to a canyon] together we must cross the chasm of selfishness, [points to an ugly giant] and defeat the ogre of personal deceit.
Oh wow [points to a shambling figure] and what does he represents?
FF Floating Figure
That's just Frankenstein! No one really knows what he's doing here. Oh well, let's get going!
Happy Birthday, Kevin (or Happy Birthday, Douchebag)
A Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, direct from Universal Studios Florida, it's The Blues Brothers 2000 featuring Justin Belushi and Timothy Aykroyd Williams.
Those aren't the real Blues Brothers.
Yeah, sorry. Dan Akroyd sends his regrets and John Belushi's been dead for 15 years.
Hey there birthday boy! Look I got you a widdle cake, crappy birthday. (Kevin sighs) And look a present! Whats a birthday without a present! huh Kevin?
[disappointed] TV word find.
No, Super TV word find see, hours of fun!
Plan 9 from Mission Hill (or I Married a Gay Man from Outer Space)
I can't believe you've been neighbours with Gus and Wally all these years and you know nothing about them.
Yeah I do. I know they both get up at 6 a.m., Wally brews coffee while Gus reads the funnies to him.
Isn't it romantic? And then they shower together and sing college fight songs.
Then they either argue or have gay sex and then it's off to work.
MG Movie General
This here is a map of space, and this planet here is Pluto.
MS Movie Solider
Do you think that's where the man from Pluto is from?
MG Movie General
Maybe. Now, I have no choice but to kill him. Him, who meant us guys no harm.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mission Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
