Andy French quotes from Mission Hill

Andy

Come on, I'm not MTV material. Hell, I'm barely WB material.

Kevin

Ah, so this is Mission Hill!

Andy

Don't get excited. It doesn't have anything you would like.

Kevin

Well, it looks very colorful. I think it's important to embrace as many ideas and cultures as one can. Mom, Dad and I went to see Il Postino and--

Andy

[angered] Shut up! You are so lame. Shut Up!

Kevin

Maybe you should shut up.

Andy

No, You. I'm not the one who's- [Andy and Kevin fight]

Jim

All right, you two. I'm going to pull this car over right now. [Jim does so. He then gets out of the car and unzips his fly.] What? Don't let me stop your arguing.

Kevin is a wonderful student, good grades..." blah, blah, blah. Do you really want to hear this?

Andy

No, not really.

Well, we still have 14 minutes left. (he and Andy share a drink) If only more parents are like you.

Kevin

I was looking at smut. If I tell the truth, people will think I'm a pervert.

Andy

[Sarcastic] Oh, like me. Yeah, you wouldn't want people to think you're like me. Dirty old horny McWhack-whack. Far better you should send two innocent people to jail.

Kevin

They're not entirely innocent.

Andy

You started that fire? Kevin, those two guys are going to jail.

Kevin

Well, they shouldn't have robbed the store.

Andy

They took fifty-three dollars. And they could get a life sentence for attempted murder.

Kevin

I never said they set me on fire.

Andy

You never said they didn't.

Kevin

You told them I was dead?

Andy

I didn't wanna come across as unsympathetic. Entertainment Weekly would've torn me apart.

Not to mention Cheers and Jeers and Picks and Pans, which would've jeered and panned you respectively.

Kevin

Tina, I must say, you make a beautiful Jordie La Forge!

Thanks Kevin, that's really sweet.

Kevin

Do you even know who that is, Andy?

Andy

Yeah, he's that guy from Star Wars - I mean Trek! Star Trek!

Kevin

He said Star Wars! Lot of good an expert in dilithium crystals is gonna be in a universe of space ships powered by hyperdrives! [everyone but Andy laughs]

Andy

I'm not a cartoonist anymore. I'm just dirty, old, raunchy McSmutbag, I run strip clubs, and date sleazy women

Hey, How is that supposed to make me feel?

Andy

Oh, not women - woman - just you.

Oh Andy, you say the sweetest things.

Kevin

Like I'm going to Borchmore.

Andy

Hey, we were Playboy's number six party school. And we had more fraternity drinking deaths than all of your ivy league schools put together.

Jim

And that doesn't include hazing deaths.

Andy

You blew all my money on this stupid car?

Kevin

It's not your money, it's our money. [Andy slaps him] Ow, that hurt.

Andy

It's not your pain, it's our pain.

Kevin

Well, Mom always said we should share. [He slaps Andy back]

Andy

I am so sick of Ron, I'm 24, my life should be about having fun, not taking crap from that bastard.

Why don't you just attack him and get it over with?

Andy

I don't know, chalk it up to that unique mix of poverty and spinelessness. Without it, the service sector wouldn't exist.

Andy

(Comes into the diner in a bathrobe) I'll just have a plate of eggs, thanks.

No eggs. Ain't you read the sign? (Points to a sign that says "No Shirt, No Hat, No Service)

Andy

Gus, no one here is wearing a hat. They're all eating.

Back in the day, people wore coats and ties and hats in this place. Now look at you. You don't got underwear even.

Andy

Gus. come on. It's just a different philosophy. I'm like a modern day Buddha, freeing myself of worldly attachments.

Posey

He's right. Buddha never wore underpants.

Andy

And check this out - I found this movie called "Barfully!"

Posey

Andy, I think that movie is actually called "BarFLY!"

Andy

Not 'barfully' like the adjective?

Kevin

'Barfully' is not a word, and if it were, it would be an adverb, as in 'the sewage oozed barfully.'

Andy

Damn poseurs, come to our neighborhood and tell us we're not cool enough to get into their club? Screw them!

Posey

Don't feel bad, Andy. We could start our own club and call it the Cool Club and let in everyone who wasn't cool enough for the other club!

Jim

Or, we could just open a club and not let anyone in at all!

Andy

You're mean, man, that's why I like you! [Posey pokes Andy in the eye] Owww!!

Posey

I can be mean too!

Ladies and gentlemen, direct from Universal Studios Florida, it's The Blues Brothers 2000 featuring Justin Belushi and Timothy Aykroyd Williams.

Kevin

Those aren't the real Blues Brothers.

Andy

Yeah, sorry. Dan Akroyd sends his regrets and John Belushi's been dead for 15 years.