Mission Hill quotes

Kevin

Ah, so this is Mission Hill!

Andy

Don't get excited. It doesn't have anything you would like.

Kevin

Well, it looks very colorful. I think it's important to embrace as many ideas and cultures as one can. Mom, Dad and I went to see Il Postino and--

Andy

[angered] Shut up! You are so lame. Shut Up!

Kevin

Maybe you should shut up.

Andy

No, You. I'm not the one who's- [Andy and Kevin fight]

Jim

All right, you two. I'm going to pull this car over right now. [Jim does so. He then gets out of the car and unzips his fly.] What? Don't let me stop your arguing.

Kevin

I know you're gay, okay, but, like, I don't even have a problem with that.

Alright already.

Kevin

'Cause history's full of great homos. Oscar Wilde was a homo. Alexander the Great was a homo. And do you know who else is great? You, ya big homo!

[angrily grabs Kevin by the shirt] That is a hurtful term. Please stop using it, or I'll be forced to clobber you!

Kevin is a wonderful student, good grades..." blah, blah, blah. Do you really want to hear this?

Andy

No, not really.

Well, we still have 14 minutes left. (he and Andy share a drink) If only more parents are like you.

Kevin

I was looking at smut. If I tell the truth, people will think I'm a pervert.

Andy

[Sarcastic] Oh, like me. Yeah, you wouldn't want people to think you're like me. Dirty old horny McWhack-whack. Far better you should send two innocent people to jail.

Kevin

They're not entirely innocent.

Andy

You started that fire? Kevin, those two guys are going to jail.

Kevin

Well, they shouldn't have robbed the store.

Andy

They took fifty-three dollars. And they could get a life sentence for attempted murder.

Kevin

I never said they set me on fire.

Andy

You never said they didn't.

Andy

Come on, I'm not MTV material. Hell, I'm barely WB material.

Kevin

You told them I was dead?

Andy

I didn't wanna come across as unsympathetic. Entertainment Weekly would've torn me apart.

Not to mention Cheers and Jeers and Picks and Pans, which would've jeered and panned you respectively.

Kevin

Tina, I must say, you make a beautiful Jordie La Forge!

Thanks Kevin, that's really sweet.

Kevin

Do you even know who that is, Andy?

Andy

Yeah, he's that guy from Star Wars - I mean Trek! Star Trek!

Kevin

He said Star Wars! Lot of good an expert in dilithium crystals is gonna be in a universe of space ships powered by hyperdrives! [everyone but Andy laughs]

Kevin

I wouldn't get too involved in that program - it's almost eight, and my friends are coming over to watch Babylon Five. See. [points to a note on the side of the TV] I reserved it a week ago.

Andy

I'm not a cartoonist anymore. I'm just dirty, old, raunchy McSmutbag, I run strip clubs, and date sleazy women

Hey, How is that supposed to make me feel?

Andy

Oh, not women - woman - just you.

Oh Andy, you say the sweetest things.

Kevin

Andy and that woman kept me up all night.

Jim

Me too.

Kevin

Does sex always sound like that?

Jim

No, they must be doing something wrong.

Kevin

Like I'm going to Borchmore.

Andy

Hey, we were Playboy's number six party school. And we had more fraternity drinking deaths than all of your ivy league schools put together.

Jim

And that doesn't include hazing deaths.

Every year another sucker comes knocking. Mister i want to crack the code. It is impossible I tell you. Impenetrable. God will not be mocked!

Kevin

I got as high as double 650s.

Hey, you mocked god.

Andy

You blew all my money on this stupid car?

Kevin

It's not your money, it's our money. [Andy slaps him] Ow, that hurt.

Andy

It's not your pain, it's our pain.

Kevin

Well, Mom always said we should share. [He slaps Andy back]

Andy

I am so sick of Ron, I'm 24, my life should be about having fun, not taking crap from that bastard.

Why don't you just attack him and get it over with?

Andy

I don't know, chalk it up to that unique mix of poverty and spinelessness. Without it, the service sector wouldn't exist.