A character in Mission Hill
Voiced by Scott Menville
Mission Hill · 25 quotes
Tied for 1st most-quoted character in Mission Hill: in 17 of its 25 quotes
Most scenes with: Andy French (11), Jim Kuback (4), Posey Tyler (2)
KevinI wouldn't get too involved in that program - it's almost eight, and my friends are coming over to watch Babylon Five. See. [points to a note on the side of the TV] I reserved it a week ago.
[Andy eats his cereal very loudly while Kevin tries to read the paper]
KevinShut up! How can I read the newspaper with that deafening racket blaring out of your mouth?! It sounds like a gorilla eating a log cabin!
KevinAh, so this is Mission Hill!
Don't get excited. It doesn't have anything you would like.
KevinWell, it looks very colorful. I think it's important to embrace as many ideas and cultures as one can. Mom, Dad and I went to see Il Postino and--
[angered] Shut up! You are so lame. Shut Up!
KevinMaybe you should shut up.
No, You. I'm not the one who's- [Andy and Kevin fight]
All right, you two. I'm going to pull this car over right now. [Jim does so. He then gets out of the car and unzips his fly.] What? Don't let me stop your arguing.
KevinI know you're gay, okay, but, like, I don't even have a problem with that.
Alright already.
Kevin'Cause history's full of great homos. Oscar Wilde was a homo. Alexander the Great was a homo. And do you know who else is great? You, ya big homo!
[angrily grabs Kevin by the shirt] That is a hurtful term. Please stop using it, or I'll be forced to clobber you!
KevinI was looking at smut. If I tell the truth, people will think I'm a pervert.
[Sarcastic] Oh, like me. Yeah, you wouldn't want people to think you're like me. Dirty old horny McWhack-whack. Far better you should send two innocent people to jail.
KevinThey're not entirely innocent.
You started that fire? Kevin, those two guys are going to jail.
KevinWell, they shouldn't have robbed the store.
They took fifty-three dollars. And they could get a life sentence for attempted murder.
KevinI never said they set me on fire.
You never said they didn't.
KevinYou told them I was dead?
I didn't wanna come across as unsympathetic. Entertainment Weekly would've torn me apart.
Not to mention Cheers and Jeers and Picks and Pans, which would've jeered and panned you respectively.
[Andy, Kevin, Toby, George and Tina are dressed up for the science fiction convention]
KevinTina, I must say, you make a beautiful Jordie La Forge!
Thanks Kevin, that's really sweet.
KevinDo you even know who that is, Andy?
Yeah, he's that guy from Star Wars - I mean Trek! Star Trek!
KevinHe said Star Wars! Lot of good an expert in dilithium crystals is gonna be in a universe of space ships powered by hyperdrives! [everyone but Andy laughs]
KevinAndy and that woman kept me up all night.
Me too.
KevinDoes sex always sound like that?
No, they must be doing something wrong.
KevinLike I'm going to Borchmore.
Hey, we were Playboy's number six party school. And we had more fraternity drinking deaths than all of your ivy league schools put together.
And that doesn't include hazing deaths.
Every year another sucker comes knocking. Mister i want to crack the code. It is impossible I tell you. Impenetrable. God will not be mocked!
KevinI got as high as double 650s.
Hey, you mocked god.
You blew all my money on this stupid car?
KevinIt's not your money, it's our money. [Andy slaps him] Ow, that hurt.
It's not your pain, it's our pain.
KevinWell, Mom always said we should share. [He slaps Andy back]
And check this out - I found this movie called "Barfully!"
Andy, I think that movie is actually called "BarFLY!"
Not 'barfully' like the adjective?
Kevin'Barfully' is not a word, and if it were, it would be an adverb, as in 'the sewage oozed barfully.'
[Eunice produces the much sought-after recommendation and Kevin is overjoyed and tries to kiss her, but she rejects him much to his dismay]
Come on chimpie, you got what you wanted, quit complaining.
KevinNo! I mean, yes, I wanted the letter, but that was before I realized how brilliant and adventurous and wonderful you are! Andy was right all along - you are perfect for me! I don't want the letter anymore, Eunice, I want you!
Well, people in hell want ice water. Have tons of fun with your letter.
Ladies and gentlemen, direct from Universal Studios Florida, it's The Blues Brothers 2000 featuring Justin Belushi and Timothy Aykroyd Williams.
KevinThose aren't the real Blues Brothers.
Yeah, sorry. Dan Akroyd sends his regrets and John Belushi's been dead for 15 years.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mission Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
