Rudy, Jess and others in “Unfinished Business”

Rudy

So the angry, beardy man from the council, he's all like, "When are you going to pay your rent?" And I was all like, "I ain't going to pay it and what are you going to do about it?" Well, quite a bit, as it goes. Cause they've kicked me out of me flat and they've repossessed it.

Jess

So where did you sleep?

Rudy

Oh! So, I ended up wandering the street like the Littlest Hobo. I get talking to this girl, turn on the old Rudy magic, end up going back to hers. When I say hers. Have you ever shagged a homeless girl?

Curtis

No.

Rudy

It's like camping. Honestly, reminded me of being a boy scout. Looking up at the night sky, all the twinkling stars there. While she... Oh, she sat on my face. Where am I going with this? Can I stay at your for an indefinite period of time, rent-free, please?

Curtis

No. [Rudy turns to Jess]

Jess

I'm very tempted. Um... I guess my question is would we get to have regular sex?

Rudy

That could certainly be arranged. [Pause] You're being... get off, you're being sarcastic. You're very hard to read. Dude, you can't have me wandering the streets, man. D'you know what happened to the Littlest Hobo? He got raped. I'm making that up, he didn't get raped. It was a kids' show, can you imagine their little faces?! "Don't rape the Littlest Hobo, he's only got a tiny sphinc..." [Finn comes in locker room] Whoa! What time do you call this?

Finn

I- I had to take me dog to the vet.

Rudy

Did you? Did you now? Sounds like bullshit, and I hate liars. Oh, dude, I'm joking. Who gives a fuck? Jesus Christ. [Laughs sheepishly]

Jess

What's that on your neck?

Finn

Nothing. It's all scratched. It's a scratch. People get scratched all the time. It happens.

Jess

What have you been doing?

Finn

Nothing.

Curtis

Maybe he was trying to hang himself.

Finn

Why would I try and hang myself?

Rudy

Because you are short. [Walking out] Don't do it.