Men in Trees quotes

Marin Frist

Here I've been telling single women to go to sports bars. I should've been telling them to go to Alaska.

Yeah, well, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Marin

What is this?

Jack Slattery

Observation hut.

Marin

What are you observing?

Jack

I was looking for a nocturnal bear, but instead I found a relationship coach.

Marin

Almost as dangerous.

Patrick O'Bachelorton

...Patrick wheels out an old 3-speed bike towards Marin...

Patrick

The front brakes don't work. And you'll need this.

Patrick

...He pulls out a canister and hands it to Marin...

Patrick

Bear spray.

Marin

...Marin reacts, then sprays it all over herself like hair spray or perfume...

Patrick

Actually, you spray it on the bear. But that'll work.

Marin

Thanks for sleeping with me, Elmo.

Jack

I'm not exactly sure what kind of date you're expecting for $13,000, but I was thinking picnic.

Marin

Oh, that sounds sweet, but I actually have some other ideas.

Jack

Okay. What do you got in mind?

Marin

Let's start with the bed.

Jack

The--the bed?

Marin

Could you uh, move it...back against the wall?

So what's the latest? Did the new town leave the old town for a younger town yet?

Patrick

Personally, I don't think you need all that therapy. You're not crazy.

Marin

[Marin doesn't answer]

Patrick

Are you?

Marin

[Marin shakes her head]

Marin

[to Jack] It's hot...

Marin

Can you think of a better way to celebrate this new chapter in our relationship?

Jack

We, uh, we have chapters?

Marin

Mm-hmm. Chapter one, 'strangers,' chapter two, 'sex'... chapter three, 'friends.

Mmm, smell that?

Marin

What?

Mmm, man scent. Flannel and...Mmm, man!

Ben Thomasson

Yeah, some of these guys don't shower too regularly.

Marin

The only person I trust to cut my hair is Serge, and he's 4,000 miles away. He's been doing me for 10 years. Longest relationship I have ever had.

Thank you, Elmo. Everybody knows there's no place warmer than Alaska.

Marin

You don't have to say everything you feel. I know this because I met Jack...the first real man I've ever known.

I mean, I'll be honest. I've read your previous relationship books--cute, popular, like a...like a...

The head cheerleader in high school.

Exactly. But this new book--it could be like a...

The girl who smoked behind the bleachers.

Jane

Honey, why in God's name are you on a pay phone? You know, they have more germs than a toilet seat.