TV QuotesDatabase
S8

M*A*S*H · Season 8

Potter and Winchester in “Heal Thyself”

(Winchester and Potter are playing gin, and are still at one another's throats)

Gin.

Again? Colonel, it hardly requires an advanced degree in differential calculus to master the numerical sequence of ace, deuce, trey. Fifty-four points, record.

Oh, shut up and deal. I can't remember the last hand I won.

Oh, really? Having won so few I should think they'd stand out in your memory.

On second thought, I think I'll read a little and then turn in. Some Zane Grey maybe.

(sarcastically) Ah, Zane Grey. Tolstoy with spurs.

He happens to be a great writer!

Colonel, what gin rummy is to games of skill Zane Grey is to literature. Therefore, I shall counter with something civilized-- Caruso.

En-riko Caruso? The singer?

Why, yes, I do believe he sings.

Nix on that. I hate opera!

Colonel, a closed mind is an empty mind. All I ask is that you listen, and I assure you you will be carried away on majestic clouds of musical rapture.

(Caruso Singing In Italian)

That guy sounds like a banshee in a bear trap. [Stops]

Sir! This man is one of the giants of serious music.

If I want music-- I'll send for my Tex Ritter 78s. If I want a giant, I'll send for Mel Ott!

Well, I don't know Mr. Ott's work but cowboy crooners, even one so noteworthy as ol' Tex can hardly be mentioned in the same breath with the immortal Enrico Caruso!

Oh, yeah? If you wanna match windpipes, can that Caruso guy yodel?

Not even at gunpoint!

More from this episode

All quotes from this episode →

More M*A*S*H quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.