Marcy, I'm saying this as a friend. Your body shows no signs of womanhood; it's obvious to me you're barren. And even if by some miracle you laid an egg, and then hatched a child, and tried to breast-feed, the poor kid would starve to death. Because, let's face it, Marce, there can't be enough in there for a cup of coffee. So having said that--with love--from one friend to another, I offer you the son you'll never have. Let me go get his clothes.
I don't get it. I'm so cute. What am I even doing home? I know I've got the bod, got the arms, chest...and even I can't keep my hands off my butt.
[Peg walks in and sees him grabbing his butt]
You really should talk to Daddy.
Don't mind me, son, just avoiding your mother. Hey now, what's this? Hooters, absolutely no faces.
Bud, did you do this? [short pause] Oh God look at my life, I'm sitting in my own son's wet spot!
[Al walks towards the mirror & looks at himself]
I don't get it. I'm so cute. How could this be my fate? I should've married for money. Always had the bod, arms, God never made a nicer butt.
[Peg walks in, sees Al grabbing his butt and leaves silently]
[The Dodge stops at Springfield on a map]
GSGas Station Attendant
Fill 'er up, sir?
Nope. Making a delivery.
[Toilet flushes]
[The Dodge then stops at Nashville]
[Someone not speaking English]
Yeah, whatever.
[Toilet flushes again]
[The Dodge then stops in Altanta]
AAnnouncer
And the Atlanta Braves take the field.
[The toilet flushes for a third time]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.